Wednesday, July 20, 2016

Other Mothers Can Be Assholes

When I was first dating an older man (Mark), I remember being nervous about meeting his friends (and their wives) for the first time. After all, these were people who were about 20 years older than I was. I felt inadequate, like they would take one look at me and say, "Who is this child?!"


But to my surprise, they were so so nice to me and did all they could to make me feel included and not out of place at all. I remember in the car on the drive back ( I think we were in Spain), I remarked happily about how surprised I was that the women were all so nice. I had been used to expecting female friends of my boyfriends to be manipulative, jealous, and catty bitches.

Then he said, ah that's because they're already mothers. Motherhood makes women nicer to other women. It's like they're not in competition anymore, and don't care for putting other women down anymore.

And I believed him. In fact, it kind of was true. Until now.

(By the way, if Ur wondering why I'm posting this online in the middle of the night, it's acutally 5pm now Bahaha cos I'm in the UK until 1st wk of aug)

Now that I am a mother myself, I've realised that your worst critics and your worst enemies, are other new mothers! Most of them can be a real piece of work! Argh!

1. The Competitive mums
What they hell? When did I sign up to compete with you? There are mothers who are forever asking about milestones, and weight.. not out of plain curiosity but for the purpose of then gloating that their baby is more advanced or fatter than yours.

A couple months ago, I had a mum who told me that her daughter was already pulling herself into a sitting position and crawling at 5 months but my daughter is late in meeting those (gross motor) milestones because she's not breast fed! Uh hello, my baby has hypotonia, so she will be a bit later meeting those milestones because she will have to work harder for it than a typical baby would. It's not caused by her diet. Which brings me to my second point....

2. The Breastapo
These are the mothers who advocate breast feeding no matter what. They look down on mothers who give their children formula. And if looking down on them secretly is not enough (bahahaha) they put down those mothers too and make them feel bad about their choices.

There are so many reasons why mothers give their children formula... and it's rarely because they're just too lazy! In our case, no matter what I ate or how my diet was, Myla can't digest milk proteins (soy protein also cannot) and is now a Neocate baby.

Before this synthetic milk (which she started at 6 weeks old), she would howl in pain every night till morning but since Neocate, she's no longer in pain and is a happy baby who sleeps through the night, every night for 10-12 hours. So it pisses me off when the "breast is best" Nazis start preaching to me that formula not good for her.

And what's this about breast milk babies don't fall sick easily? Some of the babies I know who easily catch the sniffles and bugs are breast fed. I think it's genetic, what your immunity is like, because I was a formula baby and I'm hardly ever sick. Thankfully I seemed to have managed to pass that gene to Myla too.

3. The Materialistic mum
To her, how good a mother she is is shown in the form of an expensive thousand plus dollar stroller, equally costly baby carrier (maybe a TULA fwc), JJB diaper bag. Which is all fine, after all you are using your own money to pay for this stuff. So it's not for other people to judge how you spend it. But what is shallow and wrong is when you start equating how much other mothers spend on these things to how dedicated a mother she is.

Oh and it doesn't stop there. My friend recently attended her friend's daughter's birthday party, where other mums made that mum feel bad for not spending a lot on that first birthday bash. Bloody hell, just attend and shut up lah. It is not the occasion for showing that mum photos of your nicer and more expensive birthday cake you had for your own child's birthday. Idiots.

I never had a lot, and I certainly didn't have expensive things growing up, but I had the things that really mattered. Like a close knit family with lots of love and adventures together. I loved my childhood. I intend to give my baby the same. In fact, she's already wearing hand me downs and loving it hahahaa.

My rant shall have to end here because I need to feed my baby some delicious fomula milk. Lol.

Mothers out there, please stop being such assholes to other mums. You think you make yourself (and your baby) look good by putting other mothers (and babies) down... but you don't. You just make other mums feel sad (really, why would you find pleasure in that???). If you were really happy with yourself and your life/baby, what other people do or have or where they are in their lives, should not matter to you at all! Plus you just accumulate bad karma for yourself.

Thursday, July 14, 2016

Letters to Myla Rae - I didn't love you from the start

Open when- You think I don't love you
Dearest Myla Rae,

Most mothers are filled with love and excitement for their unborn child the minute that pregnancy test shows a positive. But I didn't. No, don't get me wrong... you were definitely wanted (very badly too), and you were a planned pregnancy... but circumstances surrounding your birth held me back from loving you from the start.

You see, just 3 plus months prior to your positive pregnancy test, we lost your sibling. We had to terminate that pregnancy because it was an ectopic. That baby finally left me at the end of the first trimester. In fact, most of your newborn stuff like the clothes you wore, those Tommee tippee bottles you couldn't suck from, that blue baby carrier we still use today... all those were meant for your sibling who never made it. They were purchased when I was pregnant previously.

So, as you can imagine, when we got pregnant again, I was very very very apprehensive. I didn't want to get my heart broken again. Plus it didn't help that with Placenta Previa (no reason for it, just shit luck really) the pregnancy was a scary one with haemorrhages, and with me on bedrest for the majority of it. And I knew beforehand that it would have to be a high risk birth via csection... and that you would most likely have to come early (but still, I thought you would hit 37weeks so we were planning for a first week of January baby. Didn't expect you would have to be out even earlier than that!)

I couldn't love you. I was too scared to.

But with each passing week, especially after week 24 (this is the start of being able to survive outside the womb.. albeit with lots of medical intervention), I started to believe that I would one day have you alive in my arms. Bought a baby cot. And we started fighting thinking about names for you. Boy was it hard to agree on your name! You father hates a lot of nice names! You didn't get named until the day after you were born.

Well, anyway, a week before you were born, I was admitted on hospital bed rest because I had lost my amniotic fluid. You also didn't move much anymore, so we had to rely on constant CTG readings (twice a day at least) to make sure you were alive in there. You also had not grown from the previous week's scan (before all this, you were right on track, size wise). Again, no reason for all this. Perhaps it was the placenta failing already because of the position it was in (anchored over the cervix). After a week in hospital and the situation had not improved at all ( they still could not get my amniotic fluid level back up to a safe level)... I was just living from CTG scan to CTG scan.


As soon as they were done with one CTG monitoring (this CTG thingy reads your heart rate and small movements which I could no longer feel but you were still moving actually), as soon as those discs (for detecting you) came off my belly, I would instantly worry that between that CTG (which went fine) and the next one (in a few hours) that you would die in me. I really was living from CTG to CTG, for that whole week, before the doctors finally decided you were safer out of me than in.

We made it to week 35. It was a Friday (the 18th of December 2015), at 4 in the afternoon, I was wheeled into the operating theatre, trembling. Not for the fear of surgery and possible hysterectomy if the bleed could not be controlled when they cut through the placenta... I didn't care how much I would bleed (they already had pints of blood on standby for me, I was in good hands). I was only trembling for you. I was worried that they would not get you out fast enough once the bleeding started because for as long as you were still attached to me, you would lose blood too and you're only tiny! How much blood can you afford to lose?! So I was praying, for them to yank you out fast once the incision was made and to clamp that umbilical cord fast so you're no longer attached to that death trap of a placenta in me.

The screen was blocking the surgery so I could not see, your father could not be in the theatre either because it wasn't a routine Csection. I had to rely on the Anaesthesiologist ( who was very nice and reassuring by the way) to talk me through what was happening. I heard a small pop sound (the amniotic sac being burst) and then you made a sound. It was extremely soft... like a small kitten's meow. Not a screaming wail, the kind you see on TV when other babies are born.

Then they whipped you off, you, my baby with no name and whose face I didn't know yet, to NICU and continued with my surgery. I didn't realise how long I was at surgery for but apparently, a few hours because by the time they wheeled me to recovery, it was night time! David and my parents had already been to the Nicu to see you and take photos with you. I only got to see your photo that night when David popped in to the recovery room to show me.

So, I didn't get any skin to skin, didn't get to try to breast feed you ( you were already put on a feeding tube while I was still in surgery)... which I guess would not have made a difference anyway because you could not suck yet, and you could not suck for another 5 days after too. But then once you could suck, it all fell into place (though feeding you now can still sometimes be quite an effort). Your lungs were fine though and that's one of the more important things! Thanks to the steroid shots (to mature your lungs) I received in anticipation of your arrival, you were only on Cpap (oxygen) for some hours. ( But when David visited me in the ward the next morning and told me you have the oxygen tubes on you, I had a panic attack and could not breathe. I thought Oh No, the steroid shots didn't work and there's something wrong with your lungs! But that afternoon, by the time I was allowed to go to nicu to see you, you were off the oxygen and breathing room air).

I'm not sure when I started to really love you... most of the time when you were in Nicu (you were only there a week though), the overwhelming feeling I had was one of sadness and worry. Perhaps love creeped in gradually... perhaps I had always loved you from the first positive pregnancy test but was just too scared to acknowledge it. I don't know.

I was always so fearful of losing you, and I still am. Maybe it's some kind of post traumatic stress disorder lol. So yes, I feel like I didn't love you from the start... and I'm not sure when this love started but very suddenly, I love you more than my life itself.


Tuesday, July 12, 2016

We are in Scotland now

We flew to Scotland last Thursday night...was worried about how Myla Rae would take the journey Was bout 20 hours in all including a very short transit at Heathrow ... meaning I had to run like blazes to catch the next plane with my jumbo backpack of Myla's stuff and carrying her as well. Didn't even get to change her diaper or even feed her until we got back on the next plane and took off. Poor toots. (Note to the husband.. please make sure transit is at least 3 hours when travelling with baby next time!)
At Changi airport waiting for the late night flight
Fast asleep! Yay!
She was super tired and slept the whole way... she slept like 11 hours out of the 14plus hours of the flight from Sg to London. I did have a feeling that she might be able to sleep through a long stretch like that because it's her bed time anyway, and she sleeps through the night at home.

Well anyway, after a shitty rushed transit (seriously, at one point I was scrambling on my knees under railings because we didn't have time to run the winding way around them, and I did this with Myla strapped to me and my back pack kept getting stuck on the railing cos I didn't bend low enough, so I ended up on my knees crawling and David was bolting way ahead, should have given him the backpack to carry UGH!!!. Don't want to do THAT again).
Just arrived in the morning and exhausted!
But it was all okay in the end! Made the flight. Jet Lag is minimal ( was exhausted by that first evening... but after a sleep, all back to normal.. no waking up at 2 in the morning and can't get back to sleep type of nonsense). Myla is ok too... but she gets sleepy much earlier in the evenings now like 6pm is her bed time lol. 6 to 6. instead of 8 to 8.

Super loves her warm cosy pram
We didn't take her pram because no extra arms to carry it, we already have 2 huge luggage for a month's stay. But our friends Paul and Jo gave us a pram they don't need anymore. YAYYYYYY  it's much better than the cheapo Seababy one I have at home ... so I shall take this back with us.
Hello Jo!

Thank you for my wooly pom hat
She also saw her cousin Brook for the first time. She's more interested in wanting his lapel pins. Lol.
Big cousin Brook
Ok, that's all the updates for now. Oh btw, I went Primark already hahahhaa.. I got a Tokidoki pajamas pants at 3pounds!!! Pics of stash another day!

Thursday, July 07, 2016

Online : Dog Food & Treats Haul

Whoohooo... just stocked up at Kohepets.
 Delivery is free (in Singapore). And they are so quick and efficient too.
New at Kohepets is the Wellness Core Hearty Cuts in Gravy. ARGH! I forgot about this when I was ordering Lola's stash this week. Shall have to wait and add it to the next haul in a few months time. I always order in bulk because of the great deals and low prices, plus the delivery to my doorstep is FREE, I don't have to carry it home from the store.
If you're about to order your furbaby's stash, do check this new range out. Looks super yummy and I think dogs will really love the succulent chunks and thick gravy. (They have for Cats too!)

Another new item caught my eye because the packaging is so attractive! Solid Gold Lil' Boss Turkey & Vegetable Cup and Solid Gold Mighty Mini Chicken, Chickpea & Pumpkin Cup

The Turkey & Vegetable one has turkey & Vegetable in Gravy. Turkey for Protein, Fresh Vegetables for Fiber. The Mighty mini chicken, chickpea & pumpkin version has Chicken, Chickpea & Pumpkin in Gravy. Chicken is an easily digestible protein. Lola loves it.
It's the perfect meal for small breed dogs. At $2.50 per cup, this range is grain & gluten free. There's no meat by-product meal, no corn, no wheat or soy or sugar. And no artificial preservatives or flavours added. Just total yummy goodness in a cup.
Love love love the new packaging.
They also have dry dog food too. Shall have to try this next time. There's a whopping range to choose from (13 different flavours in this new range) and all healthy and good quality ingredients (like quinoa, brown rice, salmon...
For updates on new products, promotions, samples and contests, do follow @kohepets on Instagram.

Wednesday, July 06, 2016

Would You Date a Ukrainian Girl?

A while back, I was discussing the concept of foreign brides with my male BFF who is a bachelor (he is a local SG Chinese guy). I asked him what he thought about dating (and possibly marrying) a woman from China. It seems to be getting quite popular nowadays. When I lived in Pasir ris, one of my neighbours took a much younger bride from China. They have been together for many years now, and have one child together. And now when I live in Novena, just in my building alone I've seen 3 such couples (but with similar aged spouses).
What surprised me about his response was that he wasn't interested in dating a Chinese (PRC) woman at all, in fact it was a big turn off to him ( I supposed there are many horror stories of such a match up, like the woman only married the guy for entry into Singapore and/or for his money, and then dumped him! It's just that I do not know them first hand).
He did however say that he had a preference for Eastern European women, and would definitely be open to dating a girl from Romania or the Ukraine. So I had a peek at Ukrainian girls dating profiles online. Just out of curiosity.
So many pretty single women! There are a wide range of profiles and ages too. I've browsed for women similar aged to him, the ones that are smaller sized than him (not too hard as he's quite tall), relatively educated and don't look like a stripper.
Here are my 3 shortlisted women I've chosen for him.

What do you think? I shall show him my choices later today. So excited!

Though I think if he made his own choices, he would be clicking on all the younger and hotter looking ones like these
I for one am not opposed to finding love online. I've dated some great men in the past whom I met online, many of them are still my friends today even though we have all moved on with our lives and started families of our own.
I think that using the internet to meet someone from a foreign land is an exciting prospect!!! I'm now trying to open my friend up to this possibility... after all, he hasn't had any luck at all finding a match within his social circles here, so opening up to such possibilities can only increase his odds of finding The One. No?
Like start with emails and Facetime chats. And then some time down the line when both parties are more comfortable and would like to see if things can go even further, then arrange a meet up. Either he flies there to visit, or she comes here for a holiday. Who knows what the future holds!?
What's your opinion on meeting someone on an online dating site of another country like the Ukraine? 

Friday, July 01, 2016


So... this went viral yesterday on Facebook.
A Singaporean by the name of Sazali Al'Toti was ranting about a large scale event taking place at the carpark facing his flat's window. His main gripe about it was that they were roasting PORK out in the open while he was fasting (during Ramadan). And he wanted NEA/Town Council/MUIS/anyone on Facebook to tell him if roasting pork out in the open was permitted. Bahahhahahaha... no la Sazali, if someone roasts pork out in the open in Singapore, they will be sent to jail!!!!
Well anyway, I checked his newsfeed throughout the day, and man was he obsessive about it. I can just imagine him at home, looking out the window every few minutes... getting more and more riled up that he isn't seeing squad cars and riot control vehicles there to shut this operation right down pronto!

And he would update with a slew of pictures as well along with his racist commentary. He must have thought he was like some Special Correspondent of Ang Mo Kio.

Then when no one took action about the pork issue. He complained about the carpark being narrowed because too many cars. Give and take lah brother. We live in a multiracial society. This is a one off event that lasts a few hours. You tengah puasa kan? Sabah sikit tak boleh?
Every Friday throughout the year (and every day during Ramadan), the street leading up to where I lived (in Pasir Ris) would also get narrowed down because of illegal parking on the street leading up to the mosque. The worshippers park close to the mosque to go in and pray. If I'm heading back around that time and I remember, I will tell my cab driver to take a different route. When I do forget, then I'll have an extra squeazy and slightly slower ride home when on that street. That's all. It doesn't even anger or frustrate me. I don't go suggesting that they traffic police come and saman all of them, or that they should not be lazy and park at the mall nearby or at downtown east and then walk/take bus to the mosque or pay for carpark space at the HDB estates close by. And I sure as hell don't call up town council to complain or take pictures and spread bitterness on FB. It's a few hours on a Friday. What harm is that. So I just don't sweat it. 

To be honest though I do find it disgusting to be cooking food like that, by the drains. But my disgust has nothing to do with it being pork. I'm disgusted when I see void deck food prep for Malay weddings or other events as well. But I wouldn't be bothered to the point of becoming some Special Correspondent snapping away furiously at the scene or call up government agencies to complain. Afterall, they are NOT FORCING ME TO EAT IT WHATTTT.
Same goes for you Sazali, shut your windows if the sight and smell disgusts you. They're not asking you to eat it. It's not Haram or against your religion to be around someone eating or cooking pork right?

I wonder what he was expecting Ang Mo Kio town coucil to do... like punish the organisers or compensate him or something? Maybe Sazali, instead of saying "That's all?? Just an advise & warning?" , you could suggest 'action' they should take.

If you're on Facebook, go and look at his threads. Especially the comments... both for and against his cause. Hilarious.