Letters to MJ - You're Still My Baby

 Open when you miss me.

Dearest Michael James,

You just started Pre-Nursery class this week. And leading up to your first day at school, I was so nervous. How would you cope being apart from me. You're with me practically 24-7. You didn't even want to try your uniform on. 

So to ease you in to it, the week before school started, I would dress you in your uniform (the first time I had to do it by force because you refused to wear it), and got Myla to wear her uniform too (hahaa... she loves it), and I would take you both to the mall, to shop and play. I would also push the double stroller past the school and take that same route so you would be familiar with it. It worked. By the second day, you stopped resisting your uniform. You associated the uniform to happy things. I kept this up for a whole week.

 

This week, Daddy missed your first week at school because he had to go for Reservist and serve the nation. (He will be back later today. And I know both Myla and you miss him a lot).  

You really took me by surprise. Your first day, Myla was not there because she had a runny nose. And... no tears at all... you just walked in like a champ, full of smiles. So steady and brave.

The second day, Myla was well enough for school. And you both happily went to school. 


Only problem is you won't eat while you're there. It's not because you're stressed or what... it's because you're fussy. You take a bottle of milk before you go to school, and right after school, I give you one of the few things I know you will eat. You'll be ok, won't starve or what because pre nursery  is only 2 hours plus. lol

Yesterday, I gave you a banana as you came out of school, and the teacher was surprised to see you eat it, she said, "Eh? I thought he doesn't eat bananas. I gave him a banana during snack break just now but he didn't eat it."

Then I had to tell her, that oh, it's because you're fussy about the ripe-ness of the banana. It has to be just right, not a day over or under. Sigh... you really give me a run for my money you know. Very tiring giving you food. 

Then I spend time with you at the mall, and we head back to school to pick Myla up an hour later (her kindergarten class is 3 and a half hours long). On our walk back home, you usually fall asleep. 

Everything was going A-ok... but yesterday, as you walked in with Myla, you suddenly turned back and cried "I want mummy".

I hugged you, and told you I will wait right here, you go in and play. And you said ok... and walked in with Myla.

I put a tissue in myla's pocket everyday, in case she spills her drink during snack break. But she hardly uses it. Yesterday she said she used the tissue to blow your nose before you entered your classroom because you were crying. Seriously, she's so incredibly caring towards you.

Last night, as I was lying down, waiting for Myla and you to fall asleep, you whispered in my ear with a tender, vulnerable voice.

"I'm still your baby"

The thing about you, is you hardly baby talk. Myla had a lot of baby talk at your age. She had lots of pet words (like toto means carry or hug, papapoo is swimming pool ). You have none. You sound very adult actually. Hahaha. But what you whispered in all seriousness to me last night, still took me by surprised.  I cuddled you to sleep.

Yes, of course you're still my baby. You're only 2 years old! 

You will always be my baby, Myla and you. Even when you're all grown up some day.

I'm leaving the house soon so go pick you up. Today you cried even more before heading in to school. The teacher had to take you off me and carry you in. I feel so bad and sad. And defeated. The first few days of school went swimmingly well, but now suddenly, you're a mess.   :( I pray that you go back to being happy about school again soon. I'm not sure how much heartbreak I can take at daily drop offs at school. 

Michael James, I am your mummy, first and always. I am your quiet place. Never be afraid to run to me for calm and security. Go out into this huge world, put your brave face on, enjoy it, live it. No matter what happens, yes, you're still my baby. 

Always,

Mummy.


P/s - please don't cry next week, my heart cannot take it  :(


Comments

Alina said…
You are really reborn as a mother.
I found your blog thru one of your posts about dog food, and then you got me curious, and I´ve been spending the whole weekend (since Friday afternoon) reading all of your posts.
Your writing was addictive; your posts made me cry, and laugh, and sigh, and aw, sometimes I agreed, sometimes not.
You managed to get me, the reader, so involved, it was like an incredible biography.
It´s amazing that you kept writing after all of these years.
You shared your struggles, your hopes, travels and random thoughts. Amazing transformation!
Thank you for an awesome weekend of reading! Can´t wait for the new chapters!
Kind regards,
Alina
Holly Jean said…
Thank you so much for letting me know :).