Thursday, May 09, 2013

A Boyfriend Once Told Me...

I was just thinking of all the ridiculous, absurd, assholic stuff my past boyfriends have said to me.
A boyfriend once told me...

... that 4 squares of toilet paper is enough because he buys 3-ply
One day, when I was at his house, he barged into the bathroom while I was on the toilet. I was shocked at the intrusion but what shocked me even more was that he actually did it to spot check how much of his toilet paper I was using! He then explained to me after that his previous girlfriend used to finish up his toilet paper very fast. And that he buys 3-ply toilet rolls so, really for a pee, just use ONE square, and for poop, 4 squares of toilet paper is enough. I kid you not.

... that if I quit my job, he can't marry me
This was when I was still a secondary school teacher. He knew I was miserable and wanted to resign as soon as my bond was up. However, he said that he wanted a dual income family and he needed his wife to earn good money so he won't have to forgo any luxuries in life even after we have kids to provide for. I resigned from teaching anyway.

... his mother thinks I'm THE devil
And not even A devil... but The devil himself (LOL)... Because I wear short shorts and short skirts. And also because I look pretty, I won't make a good wife. She makes her own daughter wear cardigans over her knee length dresses. And to her a covered woman (or better still.. unattractive woman) is the mark of a good woman.  -_-

... he would like to get 2 homes
And not live with his wife. This was Mark (remember him from years ago?. His own best friend lived in the other wing of his huge home
(not in Singapore)... separate from his wife when his baby was born, so that the baby would not wake or disturb him.

... I have bad breath
Well, not a boyfriend perse, but someone I had a few dates with. Then he said it wouldn't work out because I had bad breath. (No other BF thought I had bad breath ok!) and then months after we stopped dating, he told me actually he got put off dating me because I mentioned I had a disabled Sister (who needs to be cared for for life).

... My arse is too big
I suppose he prefers the no hips, flat butt sort which he used to date when he worked in HK. OK, I'm not skinny but I'm definitely not like extra hippy or lard arsed!


... I look Pregnant
Well he has said this and lots and lots of unflattering/insulting type comments instead of compliments. And I never fished for them either! He would always say it after any random guy looks at me or worse still, smiles at me and he notices. Or like when the cashier at the shop was friendly and chatty to me while ringing my purchases up, he said it's because I look like a Thai hooker that's why (I was wearing tshirt and shorts in my Neighbourhood provision shop la). When were on holiday at such a beautiful place, a guy turns to give me a second look. BF straight away says to me, he's looking at you because he thinks you're pregnant.  Wtf ... this is what I looked like that day btw...



... he gave his number to a girl in Thailand to HELP her
She was learning English and she was a nice girl who wanted to get out of Thailand... and he wanted to help her. He went there to play golf with his friends, met her in a bar, exchanged numbers and then didn't tell me until I found out. The reason I found out was because I was helping him put something away in the cupboard one day, and then chanced upon his mobile phone stashed between the stack of bath towels. So odd. So I looked through his messages and then asked him about the Thai girl's messages. -_-

What nuggets have you got in your list of "A boyfriend once told me..."?

In a couple of days, I'll share - "I Once Told A Boyfriend..."

13 comments:

  1. Anonymous10:15 am

    The last point...i know some girls can be damn jealous. Maybe he think it's nothing much so didn't say. I have a friend who think it's ok to do flirting but gets terribly upset when the husband still keep in touch with the ex.

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    Replies
    1. anon 10.15am - yah.. but i dont think i was over reacting.. he was really hiding it, and was doing something wrong. Cos the messages were in broken English... and she was saying things like.. you good man... I miss you... you miss me?... when you come back thailand see me... my father sick no work...

      Then after I found his phone and these type of messages... instead of admitting... he tries to come out like some martyr!

      Delete
  2. My goodness. Those are real classic asshole moves there... and that's why they're the ex(es)! Sooo douche!

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  3. Anonymous6:48 pm

    HAHAHAHA IT ACTUALLY SOUNDS SO FUCKING HILARIOUS. OH MY GOD. I'M DYING. THIS IS SO ABSURD.

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  4. I once had an ex-bf telling me to lose a few pounds as he thought my calves were huge like an elephant's, after telling me how much he loved me and how pretty I was! What an asshole!!! I should have told him to go fxxx a giraffe since he prefers pencil thin girls. Am so glad he's a thing of the past!!

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  5. Anonymous12:13 am

    Hahaha classic man! Some guys can really be an ass but luckily.. you've dumped allllll of them :) good good!

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  6. Anonymous1:06 am

    My ex once said, "Did u pee in my divesuit? You shouldn't have, it stinks even after washing... @#*!? On hindsight, Whr shld I pee then...

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  7. Anonymous1:16 am

    My ex once commented (after looking at my family pic), "you better watch what you eat, your body will not stay as fit & gorgeous in time to come coz ur mom is kinda on the BIG side.."!!

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  8. Hahaaaa! Thanks for sharing girls. Made me laugh.

    I just remembered one more. I was wearing a baby doll type dress. Then we were out and one guy checked me out very obviously. I didn't mention it or what.... But my ex immediately turned to me after tht guy went past. And said "I think he was staring at you cos you look pregnant"

    Wtf asshole

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  9. My boyfriend once told me I look ridiculous, ugly and fat! :(

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  10. Anonymous7:32 pm

    You don't lock the door when you are in the toilet of your boyfriend's house?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If its just me and him, I won't lock ... Cos he knows I'm in the toilet wat... If there's other guests in the house I will lock it. Now with my husband I don't lock also if its just me and him in the house

      Delete
  11. Hahahah your post cracked me up!! I think the toilet paper guy and the one who wanted a separate home takes the cake!

    ReplyDelete