I realise that this question might be a bit out of the blue.
But I'm hoping my readers who are married (or have been married before) can shed a little light on this topic.
But I'm hoping my readers who are married (or have been married before) can shed a little light on this topic.Did you know right away upon first meeting your wife, that she would be your wife?
(... Or husband, etc).
I know a few people who had this feeling in them and they knew their date was the One they would marry. One of the latest ones is my friend Lem (well... we had a few dates when I was in my late teens)... and then we stayed friends even after he went to live in Melbourne. I distinctly remember him commenting one day, after having met a girl in Melbourne... "this is the girl I'm going to marry."
And then along the way, we sort of lost contact for a few years. And lately, I came across him on Facebook... low and behold... he had just gotten married to that same girl in Feb this year. It took a long while though.. cos he must have made that "this is the girl I'm going to marry" statement like 5 years ago. But still... he knew it! He knew it from very early on.
What do you think? Does this happen to many people? Would it totally freak you out if a guy said this to you on a date?
On one hand, I think marriage is a decision which involves much more information and consideration than you can put out there in a first date. And I don't know how much I believe in "love at first sight" either ... but I've always been told- "When you know, you'll know!"
Is it possible that you can know in your heart that you have met someone you will marry... before your brain could even understand it?
Do you think age is a factor in this? It's about knowing what you want in a partner because you have had more experiences in life. So when you spot it, you just know it... you've found the one you want to marry. There's no need for games, or drama, or checklists. (And no it's not lust at first sight... if anything.. you don't want to sleep with this person too soon because you don't want to jeopardise anything).
Even the most cautious people who take years to weigh their options, the ones who put their partners through all sorts of tests, take years to get to know them and subject them to judgement upon judgement to see if they are appropriate spouse material... even those calculated relationships do fail.
So, I'm wondering... can something in your gut (or heart) let you really know instantly that a person is the one you're going to marry?
Comments
No, don't think I knew on the first date.
For most ppl. we dont come across it.
Yes, I did know it the moment we met.
But having said that, it wasn't a smooth ride too. We did break up along the way after the first year but got back together again after some time.
I tried dating other gals during that time, but they were just not the right 'fit'.
We only realised that we had that unique chemistry when we were apart. I initiated the patch up and today we are married!
Calvin
j
He proposed just before our 1.5 year mark, and he also admitted he knew it on our trip. We're getting married in Oct!
We were lucky, but i do agree with one of the Anons above that sometimes, people think they know but turn out to be wrong. You don't hear stories like that much as it's humiliating.
I didn't have to announce it to our friends when we broke up. Words got around & somehow they knew. They respected our privacy but were still there for us.
When we got back together, we did inform them though.
(sorry for hijacking this space, HJ)
Calvin
We got married within 8months of dating and were happy till today.
Some girls think they are going to marry just about every man they meet. (i mean, if you are dating someone seriously, im sure you would think of him as marriage potential).
So then when you do end up marrying one of them, you think: wow i knew it from the start.
I think its quite different from reality really.
Also, when they meet a guy who treats them well, obviously they think: wow this works so much better than my other relationships, wow this may work in the long term...
So im not really sure there is relaly love at first sight per se. But I guess you know quite early on what works and what doesn't.
If you have dated many crap men before that one good one, you are more likley to feel like you "know".
If we were to count days of being together in person, well, our relationship is only about 6 months old. But regardless of that and the 12000 miles between us, I've always known he's the one so the length of that relationship is insignificant.
not sure if I answer any of your questions but yeah, that's my story and my take on it =)
is she e one?? i take things one at a time... =)
D-GUY.
And for ppl like Jess, yes, you do have a point and it makes absolute sense that it may just be a matter of probability, a fluke, or giving it more meaning than is really there.
But though it may seem naive, I'd still like to believe in that sort of magic... :)
P/s- no, not getting married! No one's asked yet! Lol
We are two individuals from absolutely different worlds and during the relationship, we once broke up due to our differences. However, i was kinda adamant about getting back together again, it was just this really odd feeling that kept resounding in my mind about how this is the man and i shouldn't let it go (i'm usually the kind of girl that moves on after a failed relationship, didn't really believe in second trys).
And now we are both married and in a very happy place, the differences are still there but we are both really comfortable with each other.
and we've together almost 6 years and married for 2.
so i guess, sometimes it happens.
I never really dated when I was a teenager. At 16, I knew I wanted a meaningful long relationship and was very picky. I just had this instinct that screams at me to run in the opposite direction if he's not right.
At 19, I met my Mr Wonderful. My inner warning signal did not event make a squeak. He had been in relationships before and just got out a bad one when we met.
He knew instantly, he wanted to marry and took things slow, worried cos he just got out of a relationship.
The slowness of it was torturous, I ended up asking him if he wants to be together!
Heh. I guess, trust your instincts?
All our friends were horrified. I have always had this stand that marriage or r/s is for crazy romantics, which Im not. They thot I had gone mad but I have never met anyone I felt like spending my life with before this.
Well, fast forward 2.5 yrs later, we are still happy as ever. It's not that we don't have our quarrels but we can still truly see that we will be each others' halves till death do us part.
Magic do exist. Keep hoping HJ. I dated loads before I bumped into this one. Ignore the detractors!
Who says love at first site doesn't exist?
I was with my ex for 2 1/2 years, but about six months before we ended, I discovered his pornography addiction that literally took up most of his existence. It put a rift in us that never healed, as much as I'd tried to help it. He was my everything and he was my best friend. But his pornography addiction destroyed me, my self esteem, and he didn't even try to get help to stop. I left him the day I found porn that he promised he'd trashed months before. I almost went back to him too a week later.
But about a month after leaving, I was a wreck. I was lonely and simply wanted friends. I joined a site for locals in my town, and my current bf messaged me out of the blue. I figured we may become friends and invited him over for coffee. At that time I was staying with my mother (while I looked for an apt), and she was to be out of town that day. Well, they came home early in a rage because of a car accident, and I awkwardly shoo'd him out while my mother had a fit. I never thought he'd talk to me again.
We started talking every day over text, and he started training me for weight lifting. It wasn't until a few days of hanging out he asked me over for a few beers and a movie. It was so innocent, that first kiss. But it's what sealed my fate with him.
What made me think "he's the one" was the night I tried to get frisky with him, about two weeks after the kiss.. And he stopped me. Stating that he wanted me to know without a doubt that I meant more than flesh. This was before I opened up about my exs addiction. I knew then that I could trust this man with everything I am, when I had told myself to never give that trust again..
We've been together 5 months now, and everyone knows we're going to marry. His family loves me, already they're asking about grandchildren. We adopted a dog instead. Haha.
I told him he better ask soon or I'll beat him to the punch!