Dear Holly Jean,
I have a scar on my thigh. It’s about 4 inches across my right thigh, and it’s ugly like a worm-like welt.
When is it a good time to tell someone I am dating about it?
I've been seeing this guy for the past 3 weeks and I'm so nervous. I am afraid he won’t want to see me once he finds out.
But I don't know how to tell him about it.
You know… everyone has something that they’re not too comfortable about telling a new partner.
For some it may be a previous marriage, breast implants, an illness or money problems?? They’re all information that you want your partner to be aware of… but not the kind of information you’d spew out on the first date with someone.
I honestly think this scar of yours is not going to be a problem, unless you’re dating a childish 12 year old or something.
But the right time would be now, before you get intimate with him. The worst time for him to find out is when you’re actually in bed with him! And you don’t want to come to a point where you have to wiggle your way out of dates that involve the beach or swimming.
The longer you wait… the harder it will be to break the news.
Over dinner, or coffee or whatever, try to bring it up in conversation. I am not sure how you got the scar, was it in an accident? Maybe you could ask him if he had any life and death experiences. And then share yours, and tell him that all you have left now of the experience is a scar on your leg that will remind you of how precious life is. You know that kind of thing. Rather than just blurt out – Such nice weather today. Oh by the way, I have a scar on my leg!
If he has a problem with you having a small scar... then you’re better off finding that out early and stop wasting your time on him. Whatever the outcome, you cannot keep it a secret forever, so get it off your chest.
What do you readers think? Just tell him? Have you been in a similar position? Give Mel your support :)
it wun be gd outcome. b prepare.
"Honesty, is still and definitely the best policy."
What for google.. when the scar is right there on her leg?? just show him la.
and anonymous number 1 - u r an asshole
agree with anon 2 that anon 1 is an asshole.
i also dont understand about the googling part -_______-
and.. the best thing to do is just to show him and wait for his reaction and get it over with instead of mulling over it!
While I don't go around announcing this piece of info to every guy I date, he will definitely know about it when he gets to know me better before we enter a relationship.
My scars have never obstructed mine getting into relationships or given problems in the relationship itself - my (ex)bfs and I can usually find enough faults with each other without getting my scars into the picture. :)
So I say, be confident and open about the scar. Usually the guys don't mind, esp the better ones. Don't allow yourself to feel discounted for it.
Holly is right! it's ok to tell him about it. Personally, i feel that it's no big deal at all. if he really love you, you can be disfigured and all, he will still love you.
if it's only a few dates.. how can he "love you" whether you are "disfigured and all"???
You need to build a bond first. Make him like/love you for who you are.. and then shen u tell him/show him the scar, it won't be a problem.
You're purposely hiding a fact from him to manipulate his decision. That's such a conniving bitch thing to do. Like trapping a man and when he can't back out then you show him something he might not like.
and yeah 4 inches is NOT small.
i dont think its deception.. nobodys forcing the guy to like the girl.. it just gives the girl a sense of security.. and she will not be purposely hiding the fact.. just delaying it! plus he can always back out! that only reflects on the kind of guy he is!
just posing a qns to the women- What if a guy has like a previous marriage. And doesn't tell u for fear of losing u . and only tells u about it a month or so after dating you? will you feel deceived? would it have affected your decision to be with him if he had said so on the first date (or at least much earlier on in teh r'ship)?
And the fear of losing me is not a good excuse, because I don't admire insecurity or inconfidence, esp in my man.
To only tell me after we have gotten further into the relationship, I consider that cheating. I will lose my trust in him, so there is a much higher chance of breaking up.
Anyway, u can always know whether yr future partner is married b4 or not..juz pay $35 to ROM and u would know.. so no pt hiding but we can explain why and let the past pass.
"The past is in the past. It is irreversible, but we can learn from it. Dun trade yr happiness for something that has already passed.."
I've referred her to this blog post so she can read all your comments.
Hope she finds the right answer. :)