Is it better to be looked over than overlooked?

Today's post is inspired by legendary actress Mae West... (she died the year I was born) I'm not a fan of any of her movies (boring), but she was known for her clever quips... and I read one a long time ago.. and it stuck with me.

" I believe it is better to be looked over than overlooked."



It's important.

Before you slam me, hear me out...

Growing up... I used to think nothing of any attention men paid me. Then one day... I went clubbing in a pair of jeans, sneakers and a very plain tank top. I think it might have been at Gotham Penthouse. And first shitty thing was- the door people took one look at my grubby sneakers and made face. And later, at the bar (which was crowded), I was trying to get a drink but the bar tender's eyes went straight past me and he zeroed in on two (only semi-pretty) but very sluttish-ly dressed girls. They got their drinks way before me even though I was there first.
I was appalled. And even though it seemed (to my friends) that I laughed and brushed it off... I actually remember it until today.

Now... almost 7 years since that awful ego bashing experience... I've come to see that selling your sexuality or flaunting your assets isn't such a bad (read- disgraceful) thing.

I applaud women who have used their sexuality to get them places and open doors. If you can use it... why the hell not.

What about if you actually have a brain then?
Can that get you further? Is this world fair?

Yes you may have a brain that could rival Einstein... but when it comes to getting attention straight off the bat, a mega brain is just not going to cut it. In fact, it can actually work to your disadvantage. Men don't make passes at female smart asses.
Brains are an asset... if you hide them. Don't be too much of a smart ass, a miss-know-it-all, or worse still The-one-who-always-has-to-get-the-last-word in an argument (That's Me!).

In life, I've found that it's easy to just let the man teach you a thing or two.... and just cruise your way through life looking pretty.

What do you think? Is it better to be looked over than overlooked??? Don't crucify me here... just something I've been thinking about. It's open for discussion. You tell me.


  1. It could all be in balance, because men may like bimbos but it won't stick with them, because girls like that may seem like they have no stand, no independency, may seemed as too much of a weakling etc.

    Women with power could be a turn on too ;)

    Think it might depend on the guy himself, and work with what he likes.

  2. Anonymous2:35 pm

    well said.

    i believe sex sells ultimately. not saying that women shld show skin to gget what they want.

    but it does help.


  3. Joanna3:04 pm

    I agree with what Lily said, that it could all be in balance and it depends on the guy himself.

    I see a good advantage in selling sexy assets, but the acting dumb thing I do not agree with.

    If we only need to moul ourselves to what society wants (read- mainly men), then that's not being independent, that's being a sheep. That's what I believe, in a way, being a disgrace. If we could balance out sex appeal and smarts, it would work very well. I'm not saying that we have to be oh-so-smart, but we also shouldn't act like total clueless idiots either.

    I believe as long as you look presentable and being yourself, it's enough to get through.

  4. Joanna3:04 pm

    Sorry, I meant mold, not moul

  5. Anonymous4:55 pm

    What do you think for MEN?


  6. girl with the heavy suitcase8:53 pm

    I think there's a big difference between being smart, and being a smart ass.

  7. Anonymous10:35 pm

    I agree so much Holly.

    I vividly remember my ex-boyfriend saying, "It doesn't matter if my future wife isn't intelligent..looks and character are more important."

    I remembered being really disgusted and I really wanted to talk back.. but there wasn't a point in starting an argument about it since it's true most men think this way. A vivacious personality + great looks will always triumph over intelligence. And I shut up because yes, being too smart about everything just makes the guys feel intimidated. ;)

    Ladies, you don't have to be a smart ass in every single god damn thing. If it's trivial, let it go and see it as an opportunity to give your man the ego boost he needs.

  8. My mama says that bastards look for sluts while men look for women.

  9. Anonymous11:32 pm

    Anon 10:35 clearly thinks she knows a thing or two about men. How wise she sounds.

    Perhaps she shouldn't judge all men to be the same as her barbarian ex.

    And perhaps before commenting that all men need constant ego boosts to keep their confidence levels up, she should consider that the author of this blog is unemployed, and is massively trading off her looks to 'snag' the eligible, wealthy, expat male that can keep her wardrobe full, and holiday itinerary busy.

    Think about the context of your comments.

  10. Anonymous12:30 am

    if it's all about the mating game when it comes to our interactions with men, then of course sex appeal would be the be all and end all.

    however, since that's not quite the case (at least i like to think so), i don't think it's constructive for women to behave in the way that we THINK men would like us to. first of all, it does Nothing to alter the stereotype of what a 'woman' should be like - attractive, vivacious, none too intelligent, as someone mentioned earlier. perhaps it'd be useful if we stop thinking in terms of the gender divide?

    but of course, no one likes a know-it-all, male OR female. perhaps it's more about having the EQ to manage having a high IQ? balance, as someone also said.


  11. Anonymous12:36 am

    To Anon 11:32pm

    Oh, shut the fuck up. Before trying to give anybody a piece of your mind, make sure you have enough to spare for yourself first.

    Please don't judge my ex to be barbaric since you don't even know just made a total a-hole out of yourself with your intelligent and very 'contextual' comment.

    Please use your brain and think before even saying anything, because we are clearly not generalising men. Must we put a disclaimer 'does not apply to all men' after every single fucking sentence? WHO DOES THAT? Don't be a dumb ass and use your fucking EQ for a moment (if you have any).

    And if you are so disgusted by Holly, why are you even reading her blog? What a loser. Grade AAA on the loser scale, I'll give you that.

  12. Anonymous12:53 am

    "Brains are an asset... if you hide them."
    "In life, I've found that it's easy to just let the man teach you a thing or two.... and just cruise your way through life looking pretty."

    I find the above two sentences to be so wrong.
    Why do women have to pretend to be less intelligent than they really are just to give their boys an ego boost?
    Although I am no feminist, I don't want to just sit pretty and cruise through life if it means playing dumb.
    Yes, I do like a guy to take charge and be the one to wear the pants in a relationship but not till this extent.

  13. Hi Lily- Very true.. Balance. And every guy has diff pref.

    Hey ya Deb- It does sell. But being attractive or sexual doesn't have to mean coming across as a slut. I agree!

    JOanna- yep.I hear you.
    Though I have played the helpless damsel (aka.. dumb), on a few occasions... just cos I could. Like the other day at the gym, someone left their towel on a machine I wanted to use. But I didn't want to lift it (yuck)... so I looked with a pityful face over to a guy nearby, and he came over VERY WILLINGLY and took the wet towel away and put it on another machine. haha. tht sorta thing. harmless dumbness I'd call it. :)

    Al- well.. i think "cute" men don't have the same effect on me ( not sure abt other women), I am not attracted to the model type men. I like a man with brains, and status and power. That's a turn on.

    Girl with the heavy suitcase.. very clever nickname :) . yes there's a difference.. but I guess what I meant by smart ass- was the fact tht I seldom back down, and can be damn persistent when trying to prove a point.. and can be very cutting with my words. DIdn't mean smart ass as in bloody joker. If I were dumb, I'd just giggle it away instead of saying anything acerbic ...tht remind you of anyone giggly on tv recently?? :)

    Hi anon 10.35 - Yes.. I do agree with you too (and with your response to anon11.32). Just because your ex chose looks AND PERSONALITY over just intelligence.. doesn't make him barbaric.. :)

    Hi ATT- your mama's right. But what she forgot to tell you was that quite often, women go for bastards.. and men get manipulated by sluts too :)

    Anon11.32- it's a pity you have tht impression of me. Just because my BF is White you assume I'm with him for money(??)... I guess it doesn't matter to you that he's been PR here for 5 years, or that I pay my own way through life ( I guess you've not read my blog from a year back where I said I saved 1 year's salary so I could enjoy life and take a year or two off work because I was sick of the system). But of course, you're entitled to your assumptions, so I won't bother getting pissed off over them.

    J- yes! EQ! tht is key.

  14. anon 12.53- sorry, missed yours out in my earlier reply.

    well.. I guess if one is NOT intelligent in the first place, she'd be much better off if she can manage to cruise through life just on her looks.

    But if one does have the brains too. I just think it's harmless to cruise when you can. It's not like we're giving up our intelligence, it's still there.. but I see this 'dumbing down' thing as a manipulative tool...

    and yes i agree.. i too want a take charge kind of man in a relationship.. but I wouldn't let him walk all over me.

  15. Snowy6:05 pm

    So when you're 30 or 40 plus, you'd still wanna walk around with your midriff showing, just so that you can grab guys' attention?

  16. Anonymous9:06 pm

    "I like a man with brains, and status and power. That's a turn on."

    Ahh thats good to hear, seeing i'm not the model looking kind of person. Here is another question for you Holly, Does HEIGHT matters to you? :) Curious because i'm the below average height kindda guy. Some might say no, some might say yes, would love to hear from you


  17. Hi AL- Well.. whatever we lack, we can make up for in other ways. :) no need for men to be super tall, but I personally don't date men who are shorter than me. But tht's just me, I've seen loads of other women with shorter partners, and as long as they feel fine, then I see no problem in it.

    HI Snowy- No. of course not. " being attractive or sexual doesn't have to mean coming across as a slut. "

  18. Anonymous12:20 am

    "but I personally don't date men who are shorter than me"

    ~there goes my chance out the window :)

    "whatever we lack, we can make up for in other ways"
    ~thats true, i tend to be more competitive lol.. wanna prove i can do anything.. :)

    "'ve seen loads of other women with shorter partners, and as long as they feel fine, then I see no problem in it. "

    ~thats sounds great!


  19. Anonymous11:11 am

    Quote from this post:

    "In life, I've found that it's easy to just let the man teach you a thing or two.... and just cruise your way through life looking pretty."

    Hmmm, are you serious HJ?

    I find this quote really disappointing and depressing. Tell me that you honestly don't think like this?

  20. Anonymous11:24 am

    Hi Holly

    I rather think that the concepts of selling sexuality / playing dumb should be separated from the concepts of playing feminine/girlish to appeal to the manly side in men.

    For e.g., you were playing girlish in your gym incident, not playing dumb. That guy didn't pick up the towel for you because you gave him the idea that you looked dumb enough, but that you were too girlish to pick another man's dirty towel.

    And I don't think that your clubbing incident is a good example too. People tend to look for sexy stuff to oogle at in a bar. But if the 3 of you were not in a bar but at a... say a sunshiny event or what, I am sure you would have gotten better attention/admiration than the other 2, dressed as you were. :)

    I honestly think that it is easier to cruise along in life without unnecessary attention from men who cannot see pass sexiness. I do get that men have to be attracted to sexiness if they are real men, but I do not think them worthy of my attention if sexiness is the main factor they are taking in when they look at a woman, even if it is only at first sight. Of course to be fair, I apply the same principle the other way round.

    And having said so, I don't lack guy attention (and I am not as pretty or sexy as you), many of them still come straight off the bat even though I don't do sexy. And they do like my smart-ass-ness when I display any. I don't feel overlooked.

    As for you, I am very sure that you will still get more guy attention than you need, whether or not you play sexy/dumb. Just my opinion. :)


  21. anon11:11 - No... don't be depressed about it!!! :) I'm just saying there's no harm in being a damsel in distress and let a man take care of things some times. There's no need for a woman to be IN CHARGE and on top of things ALL the time. And I have found tht one can really cruise through life when one realises tht it's not a competition, not abt who can do more (men or women).

    HI cyn. yep I do see your point. I guess it was my own social conditioning which made it natural for me to taken sexuality and dumbness as synonymous.


  22. Hmmm... Qn: Do you actually see things as, because "when one realises tht it's not a competition, not abt who can do more", therefore you "play dumb"?

    Yeah, I am being kaypo but I wanna understand what you mean cos you really don't look like someone who plays dumb. Lol.


  23. hi Cyn,

    Not playing dumb as in I am retarded and can't count ... :) but more in the context of being willing to let a guy do some things for me (like open a new jar with a tight lid even though all i really have to do is run it under hot water), having him explain to me the rules of some sport perhaps (even though I am perfectly capable of finding out whatever I don't know by myself, and I don't need a man for tht).

    I think it appeals to a man's instinct to want to protect and provide... and i think it's easier to "cruise" in the sense tht it's not a competition, I'm not fighting a man and wanting to wear his pants... (even though I very well could).


  24. Brandon1:55 am

    It depends on what kind of man a woman's looking for. And what kind of woman one is. Ultimately, brains like sexuality( as some might point out) isn't that embarrassing. There is no need to hide it. If you got it? Flaunt it. Sex appeal has its limits, beyond that, it comes off as cheesy, slutty, yucky etc. Brains has its limits too. Kudos to smartness. But there's a point when one comes off as arrogant.(even for us dudes) Heck, brains + sex appeal? My kind of woman!!! Wits lasts, sex appeal doesnt. Whatever floats your boat.


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