Saturday, November 18, 2017

My Life Didn't Go as Planned, and that's OK

I don't know if some of you would have had a hunch, or if some friends guessed this already.... I have gotten divorced.

We tried to make things work, but this divorce has been a long time coming. Things haven't been good for years - and it was a struggle for me that kept building. Although daunting, going our separate ways is inevitable, it was just a matter of when, not if.

Over time, the home atmosphere had gotten truly unbearable. For years, I was able to put up with it and make it seem to others that it was a good relationship... perhaps it was a way I tried to cope with things, or kept whatever optimism going that it would get better. Only my closest friends knew the truth, and their support kept me sane.

However, my mindset really changed after Myla came along. I started to consider how it would affect her. And as she got older, saw more and took in more, I reflected deeply about how these influences would be unfair to her.

Divorce is not a tragedy or failure, but raising a child in a bad environment would be - that choice was clear. I will not go into too much detail regarding what happened out of respect for his privacy, so let's leave it at that. 

I genuinely wish him well in his future choices. We have put in effort to ensure that Myla will receive the best from the both of us, and discussed the most suitable arrangements. To give abit of detail: she will be in my care and he  has visitation access. She also has a tight family network here in Singapore, all of whom have been pitching in so much over the last few months to make this transition easy for her. 

My dearest Myla is a happy child and I'm determined to give her the best opportunities and do all it takes to raise her well. I am certain that she will be more than OK. And that this change is for the best for Myla and myself.

I have not told this news to many friends or relatives in person (so most of you would be finding this out for the first time here). To those who were in the know, and stuck by me through those times of turmoil and uncertainty, your support has been one of the most precious gifts I could receive. For that I'm very grateful.

Moving forward, I just want to assure those who may be worried, that I am ready for the journey ahead. I've been refocusing my time on things that matter and ensuring Myla will be raised well. After my prayers and reflection, I am confident this is something I can deal with. 

All will be well. xx

15 comments:

  1. Anonymous10:21 pm

    Stay strong Ms Holly. You can do this ���� xx

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  2. Stay strong. I sort of had the hunch but I hope Myla would be alright adjusting to the changes. Take care xx lala

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  3. Anonymous10:49 pm

    Every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end.

    LYP

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  4. My heart broke reading this, but I have no doubt you are one strong mama who will make it work out for you and Myla.

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  5. Anonymous10:50 am

    nope, no hunch. Wishing you the best.

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  6. Anonymous1:25 pm

    In your marriage videos and pictures you were the only one who looked genuinely happy so it was quite telling from there.. Mothers are the strongest people on earth, you are definitely a great mom. Wishing you all the best Holly. x

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  7. Sending a hug, all will be well :)

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  9. I have been reading your blog for a very long time, and check in from time to time. I'm really sad about this but I know you have all it takes to be a strong mama for yourself and Myla.

    I really enjoy reading all your posts on her, and your tips on good caregiving for your child even though I'm nowhere close to being a mum yet - your tips are really considerate, responsible and smart.

    Take care.

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  10. I am so sorry to hear this. Reader of your blog for a long time now. Your child is beautiful and sweet, and you are making the right decision. Wishing you all the best to you and Myla.

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  11. Anonymous2:53 am

    Can guess as much... more evident after Myla is born as your hubby doesnt seem very hands on (based on reading of your earlier posts after bb is born).

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  12. So sorry to hear this from your blog. You are making the right decision and Myla is such a adorable and cheerful girl. You are a strong and capable Mummy in everything that you did. Take care dear !

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  13. Anonymous1:54 pm

    Hi Holly. Very sorry to hear that. Just to share that I am a single mother too. Divorced my ex when my boy was barely one. People had told me how hard it would be raising a child by yourself and how bad it is for the child emotionally. Well, my boy is going to P4 next year and i can only say so far, so good. He is happy-go-lucky and well adjusted. He might not have the best grades in class but he is the sweetest boy in the world. He might become very rebellious in his teens, i will not know now. But i firmly believe showering him with my love and care makes all the difference. I told myself to never replace quality time with material stuff. Like you, i know an unhappy family is worse than a single happy family for a child. Especially when the child is young, it will be easier. I made it through for now, yes, may be tough sometimes but you are a great mum. Your love for Myla will pull you through. All the best!
    PS. I made my boy my priority for the first few years. When I was ready to date and met only assholes, I gave up looking for love because i realised i was much happier being single. After 7 years, i finally met someone who love me and my boy as well. Things will eventually work out for you. Sorry for the long post. Just wanted to share and let you know there are people similar to you. Please be happy!

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  14. Anonymous1:39 am

    yes, had a hunch since your post about traveling with Myla about how David was screaming at his own daughter to shut up. could not be happier for you and i trust all will be well too, you are strong and more than capable!

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