Thursday, January 16, 2014

Your Kid is an Asshole. But is it Nature or Nurture?

You know, I see quite a few status updates on FB... parents feeling indignant, and pissed off that people around them stare disapprovingly when their kid acts out in public. They're not parents, they don't understand. So rude of them to stare and judge... etc etc etc

But here's the reason we look disapprovingly at you and your child. We don't go out to have a bad time. We don't pay to eat in a restaurant only to hear your child banging his bowl loudly and incessantly on the table right next to us. And then have you, either not do anything about it.. or worse still, look on at your child with stars in your eyes. 

I don't know if there's an arsehole phase which every child goes through and there's just nothing you can do about it... but I do note that not every child is like that. So perhaps it does have A LOT to do with parenting techniques/style.
Just a few days ago, David and I were having mid week after work chill out drinks at our usual bar. The al fresco area we always sit at, has a beautiful lawn on which many pets and children play in the evenings.

Kids were playing happily, blowing bubbles, kicking balls. Then this mother comes along with her son (I'm guessing he's about 4). And she starts running through the sea of bubbles, screaming, "BarBerls...... BarbbbbErrrlllssssss" trying to entice her son to run around the bubbles like the other kids. OK lah, her voice was damn annoying and peace shattering, but can't fault her for trying.

But what came next, I really didn't like. Her son ran over to a young girl who was sitting in her red toy car. She looked about 2. And he grabbed the steering wheel and started pushing her out of the car.

His mother stopped playing with the bubbles, and called over to him as he was trying to push the other kid out of HER car.... "Hong Li. Hong Li" . The tone she used was more to the tone of saying.. Hong Li, come and have some candy....rather than.. Hong Li! STOP THAT CRAP RIGHT NOWWWW

The mother of the girl, came over and rather graciously lifted the girl out of the car. And the boy's mother, instead of reprimanding her son for being a bully... she quite happily helped him get into the car!

AH? No wonder your kid is so anti-social and quite the asshole.

Already I thought to myself... wow she shouldn't have let him play in the car. She's validating his methods of getting the car... i.e. just push the younger child out.

So for the next 15 minutes, he's in the car, playing happily. His mother looking on, beaming with pride. The mother of the girl (hats off to her) is doing a great job keeping her little girl distracted and not bothered that her car has been hijacked. All the other kids start going home.. dinner time I suppose. The lawn starts to empty.

And the boy is STILL in the car. Hallo, you selfish mother, don't you care that maybe the other mother and daughter needs to head home now too?

And as I expected, when she tried to get her son to leave the car. He wouldn't. He screams and throws a tantrum. But instead of being firm and assertive... his mother squats next to the car and is practically begging for him to get out. He's screaming back at her (not audible words).. and she smiles and laughs... like it's the cutest thing in the world.

Honestly...I think he was screaming, "I SAID NO! You don't tell me what to do you stupid cunt!" Just that he didn't have those words in his vocabulary. But the sentiments were the same.

So this went on for another 10 minutes. I honestly felt the urge to march over there and yank him out of the damn car.

Finally, his mother lifted him out of the car, he was kicking and screaming. The poor little girl hurries over to her car and holds on to it. Her mother is looking at them, baffled. Then she turns and heads home with her little girl.

Yes, I'm not a parent. But I'm pretty sure what I saw that day was an example of bad parenting resulting in a child who behaves like an entitled asshole.

So parents out there, you can raise your kid any way you want. They are after all.. yours, and I have no say in how you should raise them. But when you're out in public.... in a restaurant, at the movies, or in the supermarket and your child's bad behaviour is affecting others but all you get are disapproving stares, don't complain because you're getting the much better end of the deal here compared to the rest of us.

11 comments:

  1. Anonymous1:23 pm

    I agree with you. Such bad behaviour is due to the parents. Since most mothers always think their kid is better and smarter than the rest, they turn a completely blind eye to these bullying.

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  2. Oh my god. It just makes me so mad to read this! I don't even know where to start with my comment as I type and delete sentence! I know that the usual argument would be that they feel guilty for punishing/being strict/depriving them of things but kids need discipline and structure or they'll grow up thinking the world owes them a living! I can already imagine the boy as a teenager being disrespectful to the mum and the mum demanding to be respected cos she's his mother.

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  3. Anonymous1:57 am

    I couldn't have said it better myself! Oh well, you know what they say, you reap what you sow. ;)

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  4. oh my, if i were you i would've went to the mother and just chased her and her son off and praise the girl's mom. shes honestly patient and.. idk, i wont take that down if its me.

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  5. Anonymous9:07 am

    The lady was horrible.... Omg. Like other comments, I'm not surprised if the boy turns out to be a brat and becomes wayward. A lot of times I feel the same as you too! If you can't handle the responsibilities of being a parent, don't give birth to one and because of your own teachings, you cause the child to grow up being a failure!

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  6. Anonymous10:33 am

    Maybe the boy has some developmental issues e.g. autistic. These children have frequent meltdowns when in public. It is something which they coukd not control cos of sensory overload.

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  7. Anonymous2:08 pm

    the kid's name is Hong Li, mom screaming. 99% signals ah tiong. That's just them. Uncivilised.

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  8. Anonymous5:02 pm

    Yes, these children would grow up to be self-entitled, the-world-revolves-around-me, I-deserve-everything brats to take over Singapore.

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  9. Anonymous12:35 pm

    It's ok if children misbehaves but it's not ok if the parents don't do anything about it. i.e. if a child kicks me but the mother stops the child I'll think, "ok not too bad" but if the mother doesn't do anything about the child's behavior...I'll definitely go "grrrr"

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  10. Anonymous4:55 am

    You know Holly, I had expected much chiding in your comments section because of your honesty, but I'm glad you're telling it as it is. Kid's an arse, mum's a bigger arse.

    I am reassured that you will not permit this in your child, thank goodness. Lots of love!

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  11. Spare the rod n spoil the child!

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