Tuesday, February 12, 2013

So, You Suspect He's Cheating?

I've had my fair share of asshole BFs in the past. And I think it's silly to believe that you can trust someone 100% right off the bat. 

I think the best way to trust someone is to actually check on them (instead of living in doubt & suspicion the whole time), realise you're an idiot and that they are indeed loyal to you. Then you let the reins go, trust him and enjoy the relationship.

Of course, some people are just more dodgy than others. You just have to weed those out, scumbags are everywhere.

Even David has had his share of crap women in his past... so much so that when we first started dating, I did feel a lack of trust. For instance, he would ring me when I was out with my girlfriends (which, given my lazy nature, was quite seldom). Of course I wouldn't purposely NOT ANSWER his call thinking "hmph! He should trust me!"  I know some people do that in retaliation. But I was just happy to answer his calls, tell him where I was (without him even having to ask), and in an indirect way, make him feel reassured that I was ok. 

Now he no longer calls, (I miss it slightly though.. haha)... he's perfectly fine when I am out and about without him. It didn't take a huge battle or arguments or manipulation to get to this point. All it took was understanding and reciprocity. 

The same for me. Before I could fully trust him, I did check his phone secretly, just once... very early on in our relationship, just to help clear that little bit of doubt that was on my mind (for me this doubt exists by default in every new relationship). Once I checked it and saw nothing bad... I laid that doubt to rest. And oh boy does it feel so good. 

I never asked if David ever checks my phone or not. Even if he has, it does not bother me. But he does have my passwords (he never asked for them, but I don't keep it secret from him). In fact, my Facebook is logged on permanently on his phone... because he doesn't use Facebook, and I tend to use his phone quite often. 

If you're not up to mischief, there won't be any tracks which need covering.

I've always found that those boyfriends in the past who got angry and so defensive over such things as secret passwords and locking/hiding their phones were also the ones that I went on to catch cheating. Not just coincidence, I believe.

Reciprocity--- I treat you the way I want to be treated. I answer your calls because I feel better when you answer mine. I don't lie to you because I want you to give me that same respect. 

We never really discussed it but he seems to have the same mindset too. So far it has worked well for us. Quite effortless. Thankfully.

I digress....
Back to the topic. Let's say you suspect your other half of cheating. What do you do?

1. Be calm. If you go on a rampage and rip all the clothes in his wardrobe up, your man will say you're crazy!! He will then get wary, nervous for almost being caught, and he'll learn to hide his infidelity better. The tables will turn and you will be the jealous. paranoid girlfriend... and everyone will pity him for being with you.

2. Gather proof. You can claim "cheater" all you want, but if have you no proof, then it never happened! Proof can come in the form of inappropriate emails and text messages, or photos taken of them together in intimate situations.


(I digress a bit again.. to tell you the experience of a girlfriend of mine. She was dating this guy, and after some time, she bought him new curtains for his room... because the old ones sucked or something like that. Then weeks later, she looked in his phone and found some photos of a naked girl in his bed. She confronted him and he told her those were OLD photos lah... before he met her. She was ok with it until... she suddenly realised... wait a minute!! Those were the new curtains in the background!!! Evidence)

Once you have evidence...  Hit him where it hurts, maybe that's financially... maybe shame him at work...  or if he really has nothing... then just kick him in the groin for good measure, and then leave.

3. Let's say, you do have a hunch that something's not right. Do not show him that you're suspicious... and then you secretly poke around like the FBI... and if you still find nothing, then I'd say, you can trust this one. Congratulations! (And remember reciprocity... because a good guy deserves the best too)

:) 

4 comments:

  1. I don't like people checking my things secretly, just feel it's creepy and it scares me but if the girl want access to anything of mine, just ask and i'll give. Better else just take my phone so other people won't disturb me :P

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  2. If u do nothing wrong.. There is nothing to hide.. Privacy and hiding is just a line in between...

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  3. Anonymous1:13 pm

    this article is so true. thumbs up :)

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  4. Hello Jean
    Yes. I agreed with you.
    However i think you can spread this news on your Facebook fan page as you will get more exposure than blogs. I have tried this Singapore facebook likes from http://goo.gl/djFEs. and they gave me great results. You should totally check it out yourself. :)

    ReplyDelete