Friday, December 28, 2012

Why Can't My Friend Be Genuinely Happy for Me?

I have one. You have one. Everyone has this friend. This is the “friend” who asks how you’re doing, but really, she only wants to know more about your life so she can compare your current life with hers. 

This is the friend who must always be "one up" to you. The one who always makes it a point to wear better clothes, be more made up, whenever she's out with you. Everything of hers must be better, and she wants you to know/feel that.

This is the friend who when I first started dating David (or any other guy in the past), would get all excited and ask , "so.. tell me.. tell me...where does he work/live/etc" a.k.a. “Let me compare him to my own boyfriend”. 

This is the friend who will tell me all of the reasons why I shouldn't or cannot do something, instead of encouraging me to go for it. Unless it's a very bad thing... for instance, if we're out shopping and I try on a dress that's very ugly on me, she'd say it suits me and pester me to buy it. (No thanks man, I got my own eyes to see if something looks good or not).

When I am sad, this is the friend who is there to lend me a shoulder to cry on. But when i am happy, she's the same friend I can count on to be extremely sour grapes. For example, I get engaged.... and she's like (when looking at my ring), "Oh, maybe he's planning to surprise you with a bigger one soon." (Luckily, I was the one who chose my own solitaire, so in my head I'm like- Nice try, wanting to rain on my parade, bitch.)

Or when we (David & I) got the keys to our new apartment 6 months ago...  she didn't have anything nice to say about our new home. No congratulations... or hey I like the view....  Instead she came across like- oh I couldn't live in here, it's too small! (Sorry, but no one asked you to live there... it's not yours.)

The thing is.. yeah we can't afford a huge place, esp in town, but why put me down? Not as if she were some rich tycoon living in a huge bungalow.... she's not lah, like me, she's a HDB girl (and she still is). So it was pretty rich coming from her.

My conclusion is that this friend is just allergic to my happiness. 

Why don't people realise that rooting for my failure doesn't contribute to their success? If you're a real friend, you would wish good things for me and rejoice when I have it. Celebrate with me, don't be bitter.

Have you had any such experiences with friends? Or are you guilty of being a jealous friend yourself?

13 comments:

  1. Anonymous9:04 am

    I don't know if I am but there are friends that likes to show off what they have when they feel their life is better than yours and I'd be doing the above for defence :p

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  2. I have one too! And thats why I try to steer clear from such friends. They always try to ask how you're doing and use the same topic at hand to flaunt about how well they are doing. This just irks me pretty much. Love your post!

    ♡ Jaslin from http://justjaslin.blogspot.sg/

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  3. Anonymous5:43 pm

    i COMPLETELY understand how you feel because i've got a friend like that, except she likes to compare how pathetic her life is and she can't stand to see me happy. i.e. when i got a new boyfriend (she was still single), she'd say things like this zodiac sign and that although will start off well but end badly. i sympathise with you and honestly, if you'd take my advise, ditch this friend. i did mine because i couldn't stand her self-indulgence of pity. life's been good since and i've got friends who would pat me on the back/encourage me in whatever instances.

    and, who needs enemies when you've got friends like that?

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  4. Anonymous8:20 am

    "Oh, maybe he's planning to surprise you with a bigger one soon" What kind of friend says something like that?!! =/ It's sad that her sense of self worth is so low that she needs to put you down to feel good about herself...

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  5. Anonymous5:36 pm

    I have had friends like yours.. my question is, why are u still friends with this person who enjoys putting u down? She sounds toxic.

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  6. I dont have the heart to drop her as we have been friends for a while now. And usually she's a good friend...like when I am down or have problems, she'll be there..... just not when something really good happens to me.

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  7. Anonymous11:30 pm

    Hi HJ, my friend is extremely similar to the one you described in your post. I also do not have the heart to drop her as she was there when I needed a helping hand, but recently I find myself trying to keep our friendship more casual because I find it harder to tolerate her snide remarks and her constant need to one-up me :( It just makes me sad to wonder why friends would say such hurtful stuff to one another, and it feels really bad to know that your friend can't be happy for you.

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  8. Hey Holly!
    I have a friend like this too, and from what i noticed it seemed (althought it might sound pompous) that they are jealous (somehow, of one thing or another) when we are doing much better than themselves or than they expect us to. If she's a really good friend most of the time I guess you'll just have to take it with a pinch of salt when the comments comes from her

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  9. After reading this, I have to tell you a friend of mine actually msn-ed me out of the blue one day and asked about my wedding plans(a week or so before the wedding banquet)and how m I doing? And whether I need any help from her.

    My husb had asked for her help sometime ago in exchange for their(she n her hub)Liquor with ours which has a DFS logo on it, because there will be corkage charges if our alcohol r labelled as duty free. So they agreed to do a swop with us verbally but went out of news after that and we didn't hear from them for a while.

    I should've guess that shes is just trying to KAYPO about my life when she msned me one day, asking whether I need help for my wedding then. So I took a chance to mention about the liquor ans she said will check again but didn't revert at all. Like shouldn't they check their inventory a long time ago when we first asked them???
    They then showed up at the wedding pretending that they are real happy for us without a word of apology about the about the liquor, nothing.

    This is the type of pesky people I would keep myself away from.

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  10. I had a friend like this.

    After one year, I stopped our friendship, cos she's like poison to me. And I don't like it.

    Told her not to decide for me and ruin my life. I wish to lead my own life. HoHoHO!!!!!

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  11. Hey Holly babe! I absolutely feel you the moment i saw the entry's title. Such people are really all around! N i can totally identify with the wedding ring incident - like this friend of mine will look at my ring n said "ok i tink it suits you cos ur fingers are tiny" n i chose my one too so i wasnt too affected!

    I cant say if i like to have such frends because for one, they really do show that they care about you (albeit on the surface cos they r just nosey) but just sometimes cant stand their attitude. Like how she look at my non-branded bag n snigger.

    But now i know im not alone! yayyy. dont care about her really, i tink she is just jeslous of u. Let me guess - she is still single/not married! Hee

    Btw, congrats! Im a newly wed too so i can definitely share the joy u r experiencing. P/s: ur wedding venue looks stunning!

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  12. Anonymous2:44 pm

    Maybe all the "friends" here everyone mentioned happened to be the same friend wahaha

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  13. Well I have a cousin exactly like that. When I am planning for my wedding, she introduce me the ugliest floral shop in town and claimed it to be beautiful. Introduce us the worst restaurant in town for reception. Well, I have an eyes to see too! They just can't stand to see you happier than they are.

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