Monday, July 02, 2012

Wedding Invites and Money Gifts

I was just looking through some possible wedding invitation designs and also at how to word invitations. Plus, I'm going to have to get 2 separate but matching invites because it seems that the ceremony and lunch at the same venue should have one invite. Then our after-party (like an evening cocktail reception) should have a separate invite... since there will be more people at the evening reception, which we did not invite to the ceremony and lunch that day.
This is the kind of look I want...
But is it all right to include the evening reception details at the end of the main invite, since these people are all invited (for the cocktail even only) will be given to those who are not invited to lunch. Is that how it is done??? Gah headache! 


What do you think of including a poem asking for money instead of gifts at the back of the main invitation card? Some thing like:


If you were thinking of a gift,
to help us on our way. 
A gift of cash towards our house, 
would really make our day. 

But most importantly 
we so humbly request 
your presence at our wedding 
as our treasured guest.



-------------
or is this one better??-




If you’re thinking of a gift for us
we ask if you would consider
contributing to our honeymoon
to make it all the sweeter.

Then while we're relaxing on the beach
or by the pool so blue
we'll sit back and appreciate
that it is truly thanks to you !!





Is it rude? Almost all the wedding invites I have received have requested money gifts. But is a poem tacky? Do you have other suggestions?

24 comments:

  1. Anonymous1:55 pm

    The second stanza of the first poem coupled with the first stanza of the second poem would be perfect, in my opinion.

    Like this:

    If you’re thinking of a gift for us
    we ask if you would consider
    contributing to our honeymoon
    to make it all the sweeter.

    But most importantly
    we so humbly request
    your presence at our wedding
    as our treasured guest.

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  2. Anonymous1:56 pm

    Hi Holly, I don't think it's tacky because as a guest I think I would appreciate knowing what you would prefer. It would save the headache of thinking of a gift. I'm also in the midst of planning my wedding and have included a similar poem in my invite, mainly for my non-Chinese friends.

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  3. Anonymous2:00 pm

    OMG - Talking about gift on the invitation is definitely rude!!! Any basic wedding etiquette 101 should tell you that anything about gift / registry should not be included in the invite. Do you have a wedding website? You can put your message there. Sorry to be straight forward, but the poem is tacky too.

    Check here for wedding invite etiquettes. Many Singaporeans / Asians don't do it right, but it makes a big difference when it's done properly...

    http://www.marthastewartweddings.com/228634/wedding-invitation-wording/@center/272440/wedding-etiquette-adviser

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  4. Anonymous4:45 pm

    u should just put it in one little line *cash gifts would be most appreciated

    and leave it at that..rather than have a poem and make it seem like a big deal.

    tsl

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  5. Anonymous7:02 pm

    first stanza!

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  6. Anonymous7:11 pm

    At a quick glance my translation of the poem would be "don't need give anything la, just come our wedding good enough"

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  7. Anonymous7:57 pm

    It just shows your (lack of) class if you already talk about gifts when inviting someone to your wedding. You only talk about them when asked.

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  8. Anonymous8:50 pm

    None of my Chinese Singaporean friends mentioned about gift on the invitation. This is really rude!

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  9. Grace9:47 pm

    I got 1 invite that juz say "Mint is the Hint"

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  10. Anonymous9:55 pm

    Shouldn't be asking for gifts or money - very rude.
    It's like inviting people to your wedding and asking to give you a big Ang bao.. Tsk tsk tsk.. The fact that u even write in your blog, not sure if anyone would want to attend now..

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  11. Anonymous10:04 pm

    Definitely inappropriate to mention. No matter hw nicely u put it the notion is just not nice and if u're not bothered abt any gifts just the presence of the guest den u shldnt even mention ur preference.

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  12. My wedding invitations made no mention of money but Chinese friends and relatives gave money anyway at the evening reception, much to the surprise of my non-Chinese husband and his family! Won't you get ang pows regardless since you are Singaporean? It would be unusual NOT to get money!

    I've been invited to lots of weddings here in the UK and of those, two invitations specifically mentioned money gifts. One altruistic couple asked for money to be donated to their favorite charity which I thought was very altruistic! As an invitee, I didn't think it was rude, but it's certainly unconventional. The requests were worded along similar lines: X and Y are about to start married life together and if you were intending to get a wedding gift, they would greatly appreciate cash gifts (worded more delicately of course!)

    The most common type of invite would be an invitation which comes with a separate gift registry card which directed me to a store's website for me to buy an item online for the couple which they have pre-picked and added to their wish list.

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  13. Sherin2:31 am

    I'm sorry but I think it's rude... I saw an invite once where it simply stated 'no gifts please' and everyone automatically gave cash.

    I think the poem is really a no no...

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  14. Anonymous10:51 am

    What my cousin did was indicate in picture/graphic form at the bottom of the card. No words necessary.

    There were graphics of a 'moneybag' and a boxed present and what she did was circle the money bag.

    Not sure if you can visualize it.

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  15. Anonymous12:40 pm

    "if you're wondering what to bring, it's what they make in the mint."

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  16. Anonymous1:48 pm

    i think the first one sounds better.
    anw, my friend just wrote "cash gifts preferred". =)

    happy wedding!

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  17. Hi holly, this is what i think.

    For cocktail and evening,
    cocktail you can make a more simple postcard kind instead of the pretty and intricated invitation for the evening, as cocktail is more for close friends and relatives.
    while for evening it can be business associates etc.
    thats why i really don't think it's okay to put both tgt and give to those who are not invited to the cocktail as it would seem like they are not important enough and may hurt their feelings.

    i think poem for monetary request isnt really nice too, cause for the few weddings i attended, none mentioned gift or money on the invitation itself,
    but usually it is discussed when the invitation is given, like they ask what wld u prefer?
    otherwise they would make a list online or something so when their guest bought it for them, it goes off the wishlist, no 2 guest will buy the same thing.
    while for monetary it's usually what people wld give, idk if it applies to your side of friends and family, but i think maybe u can create a page with your wishlist or something? then state a few items that you need, before leaving a message that you don't really have much needs other than that few [for people who really dislike the idea of giving cash] that monetary gift would be more ideal.

    thats what i wld suggest. anw, as mentioned abv, gift and monetary wishes shldnt be printed on the invitation itself as it wld reflect badly on you. you never know how people might be offended and view you... so yeap.

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  18. Hi Holly,

    Funny thing, my boyfriend and I were just discussing this because we come from two different background. He's Peranakan and I'm Filipino (grew up here though) and well our wedding traditions are so different! Filipino weddings tend to be more American with Filipino traditions where family and friends sponsor the wedding, from the cake to the veil and all this sponsors are acknowledged in the wedding invite to the guests.

    Well basically back to your dilemma. It depends on your guest list. Are they mostly caucasians or asians? Caucasian guests will obviously find it offensive but if its Asian a simple one liner will do.
    Anyway if you need help, I'm actually an events planner (never done a wedding but its really not much different). Unfortunately I have a full time job that says I can't freelance but I'd be happy to share my resources like printers, florists, caterers etc.

    And have fun planning the event!

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  19. ok thanks everyone for your opinions. After hearing both sides for and against making such a request, and the possible alternatives... I've decided to leave any mention of gifts or money out of the invite.

    I will create an online Gift registry. So if any of u know some sites which have the template/system for this... let me know.

    :) thanks

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  20. ok thanks everyone for your opinions. After hearing both sides for and against making such a request, and the possible alternatives... I've decided to leave any mention of gifts or money out of the invite.

    I will create an online Gift registry. So if any of u know some sites which have the template/system for this... let me know.

    :) thanks

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  21. Anonymous6:57 pm

    asking for money is tacky.especially on the invitation !

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  22. you guys are just using this opportunity to bash her. idiots.

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  23. Anonymous12:31 pm

    in the US, it's very common to see "Cash gifts preferred" or something of the sort...so most likely your husband's guests won't mind if their invites mention something like that...but maybe it's considered rude in Asia?
    So would it be possible to put something quick about cash gifts on the caucasian's invitations, but not on the asian's invitations? Based on the comments above, it seems like giving cash is already common in Asia, which is why it is rude if it's stated outright to give something you would probably receive anyway. But in the West, it's very, very common to arrive with an actual gift in-hand.....Hey, if you are both of different cultural backgrounds, you have to adapt right? :)

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  24. Oh my goodness, it's SO adorable! What a cute wedding! I'm sure the couple will cherish the unique wedding gift idea as a memento of their special day.

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