When was the last time you had sex?

I haven't done an Ask HJ question this whole year! Been so busy... and also most of the juicy questions which people email me, they always say- "please don't publish on your blog"... so I end up just replying to them one on one.

Here's an interesting question raised yesterday....

How do you answer to "When was the last time you had sex?" coming from someone you're really interested in? Say you'd been single for the past 2yrs (so logically you'd been practicing abstinence for 2 even though you'd been dating), but really the one & last time you had sex was just 9 months ago. How do you answer if you don't want him to think you're casual (which you are not)?

From- XingYi

Hello XingYi (and others in this situation),

My honest answer would be - LIE TO HIM.

After all, I truly believe that what he doesn't know, can't hurt him. It's not as if you intend to be unfaithful or a bad (future) girlfriend to him. 

This is an important stage where lasting impressions are formed. We all want to believe that if we tell a new guy the truth, then he will truly appreciate our honesty and he will see it as something virtuous and deserving of his trust from then on.

The reality of it is.. yeah you told the truth.. so? You're a slut. (Even though you and I know that you are not one. Even though you did sleep with one guy once, 9 months ago.. this is not how you lead your life, treating sex casually... but it's hard for a stranger to see it that way). 

Men (well at least those looking for a partner/wife) want a woman who doesn't fall into bed easily (be it with them.. or other people before them). Be loving and affectionate, but keep your legs closed until you know him better.

Maybe it doesn't even matter to him when you last had sex (doubt it, because if it didn't matter, he would not have asked you).... but why risk it? What have you got to gain from telling the truth in this instance? Sainthood?

Just lie, say it was with your last BF 2 years ago. Then wipe the last incident (9months ago) clear from your mind. It never happened. Make sure you never bring it up in the future either and get caught lying. It just never happened, forget about it.

What do my readers think?


p/s- I think 9 months ago is pretty modest, and does not even seem 'casual' at all actually. Still, your best bet would be to pretend it never happened!

p/s again- Be prepared that he might actually be lying too.  But it's history, take it with a pinch of salt, it's just a number.. don't dwell on it. 


  1. Anonymous6:24 pm

    I'd appreciate if she tell me the truth rather than i find it out later.

  2. Anonymous8:24 am

    From my experience, I think this guy is very immature or has issues with confidence. Why should it matter when you last had sex or who you slept with?

  3. curious cat8:25 am

    So HJ, does it meant you lied to your fiance now about the previous time you had sex?

  4. Anonymous11:19 am

    I've always found this question to be one of those irritating ones that leave you between a rock and a hard place.

    There's no right way of answering this or handling this situation. If you're to answer truthfully, then this guy is going to start asking another series of questions about how/who/why that encounter happened. Do you really want to explain yourself to that degree? If you hide it from him and say that the last time was with your ex, then he'll think either one of two ways:

    1. What? 2 years???? You prude!
    2. What? 2 years???? Oh my, you must be gagging for it and I have a chance!

    Okay, perhaps the above examples are cynical but trust me, the reason as to why he brought that question does tie back to one of the above two motivations. Before I got together with my current beau, we both asked each other the same question. You can blame it on the fact that we each had at least 2 bottles of wine in our systems but I know I gave a dead honest answer and he didn't. Did it matter in the end? No.

    So as HJ said, whatever happened in the past, is just that - the past. How you answer the question is really your own choice because if you're the kind of person who is going to go loco thinking about how you "lied" about it 5 months down the road, then do yourself and be honest. You've got nothing to lose, except for the fact that the guy could be a total clod and judge you for it and not want to see you anymore. And if he's idiotic enough to turn tail and run, then ask yourself if that's the sort of person you really want to be with.

    Simply put, we all have our histories. If he can't deal with your past (of which he had no part of), then rest assured, there's not going to be much of a future with him.

    Good luck! :)

  5. @curious cat- I cant remember... I dont think we really discussed that actually. I probably would have lied anyway.

    What should matter is who I sleep with now/in future... not who or when I slept with someone before i knew my fiance even existed. :D

  6. Anonymous12:37 am

    What about honesty for health's sake?

  7. Anonymous10:55 pm

    sometimes it matters due to a partner's hobby or openess to having sex in red light district or past ppl they have sex with tht might make one b wary of disease.

    cause we r still getting to know each other n what the person is open to n his pattern

  8. HJ,

    A most rude question to ask unless one is a long time and very good friend with someone.

    I would not lie about when I last had sex.

    I would tell most people that such information is personal and priviledged.

    IOW, not anyone elses business.


  9. Anonymous3:17 am

    I had this question asked to me a few times when I was in college. Back then, I was naive. Now, I realize what was going on.

    1) She asked me, because it was her way of initiating sex. Foolish me, I should have taken the bait!

    2) She asked me, because she was a horny and sexually experienced woman, and she felt that I was not as experienced as her, and she was really wondering where I am coming from. To this day, I do not know her intentions, but I suspect she did not know as well. Knowing what I know now, if I came on to her in a sexually assertive way, I'm sure she would have went for it.

    Bottom line for guys: if a woman asks you this, get you best game together, and seduce her pants off!


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