Monday, February 28, 2011

Are You Drifting Apart?

Some sooner than others, some more obvious than others... people do change and can drift apart.
A couple does not have to go through a huge, traumatic ordeal (e.g cheating) to break up with each other. Sometimes the relationship simply runs its course.

It's so common, and yet, we often don't see it coming. That's because in most cases, the relationship is exactly the same as it was before, for instance, same bed, same routine, same job, same friends, same country... but now, the feelings are different.

How do you know if you and your partner are drifting apart? Here are the signs...


1. Less Intimacy
By intimacy, I am talking about affection and closeness. Does he still kiss you? Has he stopped cuddling or spooning you at night? Does he pull away when you try to hold his hand?


2. Less Communication
When a partner stops calling as often, or does not bother to return your calls or messages, it's highly likely that he's not bothered to. When you no long feel like you want to tell him about your day (good news or bad news)... it's a red flag too.

3. No Shared Activities
Yes, it's great to have your own life, independent to your partner's. Yes, be your own person. But when you and your partner do not make the effort to include each other into some activities in each others' lives, then you will eventually be 2 completely separate people. Probably not even suited as friends... let alone life partners!

4. No Sex
Yes, there are periods of droughts in every relationship. But prolonged (more than a couple of weeks) periods of no sex (even though you're in the same city/country) is a big red flag.

5. No More Joy
When you realise that there is no more fun and laughter in your relationship, that can definitely be a sign that the two of you are growing apart, especially if you used to laugh together a lot.

6. Petty Fights
Having disagreements from time to time is normal. Fighting every few days is not. If one or both of you start picking fights over the little (and ridiculous) things, or if you find yourselves being much less tolerant than before, those can all be bad signs of an imminent break up.
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I wish none of these were true... but it is.
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Having a bad angry break up is much easier to get over than having to accept that you two were simply and sadly, just not meant to be.
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Disclaimer- my relationship is going well. This post is just on the topic of drifting apart based on my past experiences. It is not a journal of the state of my relationship right now.

13 comments:

  1. It's funny how 2hrs ago i was dealing with a friend about some of these similar issues she's facing with her husband.

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  2. Anonymous10:52 pm

    my ex bf and i has no argument but after 2 weeks i met him,he told me that he want to break up. FYI,we are long distance r.ship. I tried to save the r/ship and went over to look for him but he seems no bother at all but he still can intimate with me even though he said he said the feelings are diff now. How can guys do such things when the feeling is different?

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  3. Sad but true. And it gets worse if only one party is trying to not let the rift get larger. Trying to communicate more will lead to the other party labeling you a nag. Petty arguments arising from you trying to salvage the relationship. If both parties are not putting effort to make it work, maybe it is really not meant to be..

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  4. @Annonymous a lot of guys are pretty animal, my friend told me her ex and her was making out and when he got a call that his grandpa passed away, he calmly hung up the phone and continue with it. Talk about being cool.

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  5. I guess it's pretty common nowadays among couples for the relationship to become saturated or worst, stale.

    Many couples become like 'family members' and thought it's natural since the feeling of familiarity deepens. Nonetheless, one should not forget his/her role as a spouse or wife or hubby and continue to play that role actively.

    I have been thru that phrase recently (due to a very grave mistake i made) and i am grateful i have a chance to repent.

    Many factors could cause that 'drifting apart' feeling, maybe not to that extent but inevitable if both dun continue to keep it going stronger.

    As time pass by, no matter how pretty or chio you are; if a guy look at you everyday somehow the novelty will wear off.

    He always tell me: "I like your character very much 我很喜欢你的性格" and i m always wondering juz my character only?? lol.. However i learnt to love that for wrinkles may appear even on the prettiest face, breast will droop one day no matter A or B or D or G cup haha but character will never change, no matter what :).

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  6. HJ,

    Men and women will drift apart if relationships as all to often do, start without a firm foundation.

    Those who start with a quick ONS, or take little time to learn and know the other person and instead get overwhelmed by passion and sexual adventure. Then friendship and love rarely surface.

    Such relationships, lacking love and friendship are doomed. People in such think they love the other, fool themselves into thinkihg they are friends, yet feel empty after frequent sex.

    Why?

    That strong emotional and spiritual bond that comes from a growing friendship, that with nuture and caring grows into love.

    There is a profound and great difference between love and lust.

    Yet far to many relationships are built on the sand of sex.

    There is no foundation for a firm relationship.

    David

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  7. people might jump into conclusion again...hehe :)

    nice list :)

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  8. Anonymous5:26 pm

    So sad.... t_t

    HJ, when r u going to reveal ur bf identity to us? curious here. Maybe let us know whether he's white? Chinese? Indian? is he rob bacchus? your friend whom you made a pact with in the past that when you're 30 and still single, you'll date each other.. is it him??
    *Scratches head with curiosity* :p

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  9. I really enjoy reading your relationship posts- they help me understand them and survive my recent breakup.

    The 5th one about 'no more joy' really rings a bell for me.
    If only, I wasn't so blinded by 'love' during my last relationship and took more notice of those signs.

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  10. Anonymous10:31 pm

    Hey Holly

    Just wondering, are you getting the same benefits as this for being the ambassador of *couture?

    If you are, have more dignity and demand a better sponsorship!

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  11. Same benefits as what?

    I don't undersand your qn

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  12. @anon5.26- christopher robin bacchus?!!!

    OMG. how u know abt tht pact? i blogged abt it b4?! I dont remember. haha.

    but no la. it's not rob. I hv not been in contact with him for years. It was just a childish pact we made when we were kids. :)

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  13. Anonymous11:30 am

    Yesss HJ!! Christopher Robin Bacchus!

    and yes u blogged abt it before!! u see, sometimes u blogged too much abt ur personal stuff u dont even remember esp the little stuff :p

    u blogged abt it like when u just turned 28 if im not wrong. heeee..

    Ok so it's not him... hmmm... im so curious!!! what does he look like? anyways, wish u 2 all the best :)

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