If it Walks Like A Duck, Quacks Like A Duck

... Then is it a Duck? Or am I just pathologically Jealous?


Had lunch at downtown east yesterday with a friend of mine, and he was telling me about how his ex-gf was actually diagnosed with Pathological Jealousy. Many things happened in their year together which kinda raised red flags saying that this was not normal behaviour. But he stuck in there... until in the end he had to get out of the relationship to save himself.

Some of the symptoms she exhibited were - she got very depressed and would not get out of bed when he had friends in Singapore and had to show them around, she'd get violent and fling glasses etc when not getting attention, she deleted every female photo from his hard drive, and she would monitor all his phone calls...


And my friend is a good guy. Not at all the flirty, flash, player sort. The psychiatrist actually advised him to leave the relationship to save himself. And he asked - but what is going to happen to her? And the doctor answered- She'll just have a string of bad relationships until one day she finds someone who will put up with it.
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Apparently, it's not socially conditioned, this pathological jealousy thing.. but it's already hardwired in the brain!

Although I have never done anything as drastic or violent as her, I am quite a jealous person. I think most people ( women especially) are envious and jealous creatures. I don't put up with much bullshit in general...

But how do we know if our jealousy is normal? There are no real yard sticks for this are there?


I've always been a firm believer in a few mantras in life. One is Play with shit, Smell like shit.


And the other is - If it Walks like a duck, and Quacks like a duck, then it probably is a duck!


But now, after hearing my friend's story... it makes me wonder - is it a duck? Or am I just pathologically jealous?!
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I'll give you an example- Last week, Andy went to a Friday Night expat drinking club. And although I felt uncomfortable with it because I feel that such events tend to be hooking up events. I have never been to one, it's not my scene really, so I cannot say for sure what these events are like. But I did mention to him that I was uncomfortable, but he reassured me that he was only going out for a couple of drinks and a laugh.
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A couple of drinks ended up being a night out till 4 am. (I don't stay with him, obviously, but he mentioned it the next day... so that's how I know)


And while I was lunching with him the next day, he read an SMS and started smiling at his phone. I assumed that it's his mate at work sending him a joke or something. It did strike me as odd, because he usually doesn't do this. In fact, when we first started going out (last month) he did make it a big point to say that he was not the sort to asnwer calls while on a date or in conversation and he was thoughtful like that and he appreciated it when people didn't answer calls etc when out having dinner etc with him...


Well anyway, I asked what was so funny. And he said oh it's just a girl from last night's drinking club.

(!!!)


I think I did well (given my jealous nature) to not lose sleep when he went out Friday night without me to a drinking club full of strangers, and I didn't gripe about a couple of drinks stretching to 4am, but should I be ok with him taking other girls' numbers while he's out at these things?


He said they exchanged numbers purely as friends, and she's ugly and he's not attracted to her that way. And then he showed me a photo of her, TAKEN WITH MY CAMERA mind you!

It's was a blurry photo because they were on the dance floor. And yeah, I don't feel threatened by the way she looks, and if he were doing something wrong, he wouldn't be so open about it, right? But why do I find it distasteful and disrespectful of him to do that? What's wrong with me?
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I'm still just not comfortable with this. ( Plus, why would a Chinese girl feel the need to hang out with the friday night expat drinking club anyway?? Hmmmm??)


A bit of background here... We are a couple. Of course a very new couple, and anything could happen, I'd say we're still in a getting a feel for each other type of stage. Though we both said we wouldn't date anyone else.


But after that incident, it's like ... hang on a minute... I know he's not dating anyone else... but something doesn't feel right in my gut.
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Would he be ok if I went out without him one night and gave my phone number to a new guy I met? Even if he were ugly?


He said he trusts me and it would be perfectly ok ... but I think it's a bit different when it's hypothetical than when it actually happens (!). Is it not?

We have a great chemistry together, Andy and I...we have good fun and conversations... we have started talking about trips together. I really really like him a lot. But maybe I should try to slow things down a bit ... and see how it goes... I am afraid, and I feel the need to protect myself... but it's impossible to put a relationship into reverse gear, isn't it?


And then there is that nagging thought in my head now that maybe the problem is me? He really hasn't done anything wrong. I am pathologically jealous and I should just deal with it, instead of giving up on what could possibly be a great relationship?
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What do you think? Am I over reacting about this phone number thing or are my feelings towards the issue valid?