Dear HJI was with my BF at a crowded pub last weekend. We also had a few other friends there.
There was a guy who wasn't part of my group standing behind me. I moved back and accidentally knocked his arm and he spilled his drink. Not all his drink, mind you, just a bit spilled out.
I said sorry, but he started shouting vulgarities at me. I told him it was an accident. But he got more aggressive. He didn't touch me, but his body language was very aggressive. I shouted at him to "BACK OFF!"
And I was getting more angry, and one of my friends ( a girl) pulled me back. After that our group moved to another place.
But my whole mood was spoilt because my BF was right beside me but he didn't defend me, or try to protect me, even when the guy was looking aggressive towards me. I told my BF about it and he said that he's not my bodyguard! I should handle these kind of situations myself and if he butt in, it would make the situation worse.
Maybe he's right? But I still feel like he was being a coward and did not defend me. Am I expecting too much?
TIA.
From,
My BF is a COWARD
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Dear My BF is a COWARD...
I would react the same way you did. I definitely expect my BF to be by my side to protect me. It's all part of the appeal of a man to me... that's why I'm not drawn to whimpy men.
Once, I had an argument with this crazy bloody aunty in the carpark at eastcoast (Years ago). ( about parking space) I even had to get out of the car to "talk" to her cos she was tapping on my window and shouting.
And guess where my BF was the whole time??? INSIDE THE CAR. He didn't even come out. After the lady left... he even had the cheek to say to me- "maybe we should park somewhere else... I'm afraid she'll come back to scratch my car." !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Super duper turn OFF.
Anyway, that was with a woman. And I think that if a BF doesn't want to step in when his GF is arguing with another woman.. it's ok.. maybe forgiveable. But your argument was with a MAN... I think your BF should have stepped in. I'm not saying he should get aggressive or physical.. but he should have made you feel safe and protected.
So I don't think you're over reacting.
Love,
Holly Jean.
P/s- what do you guys and girls think???
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A Few Updates:
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You know, everytime I go down to the Shiseido Office for my ettusais meet-ups/meetings/etc, I always stop by my favourite Spinelli's at Orchard Central.
.
And today, I had duck (yummmm) at Tungluk ( spell??) on the 11th floor. I didn't realise that all the upper floors are filled with restaurants.
.
I joined Orchard Central's Facebook page a while ago... there's loads going on there. And last Thursday, I went down to APE at Orchard Central to collect a Dell Lap Top. Not sure who I should thank for this... but thank you ppl at Orchard Central's Trend Hunting, Exposure photography, Kian Teck :)
Go join their Facebook page, to check out their giveaways etc.
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Lastly,
You have 3 more days to enter the lucky draw for the $300 Tangs shopping voucher.
Click :)
Comments
Another man stepping in often makes things worse. It escalates the situation, especially where alcohol is involved.
A mature guy is usually the one who will wait until it's absolutely necessary to step in. Or at least step in with a very pacifying approach.
Think about it - why do you think so many police forces around the world are so keen to recruit females? Because they've found that male policemen end up making the situation worse.
Plus, it massively depends on the subject matter. I don't expect to have to step in to 'protect' my girlfriend. If I had to do that, I'd see it as a huge failure of hers not to be able to carry herself, and resolve difficult situations on her own.
Maybe the carpark situation is a bit different, but when it comes to angry drunk guys, it's best to let them shout themselves out, and not intervene.
Only in very, very rare occassions these days would I ever think about rolling my sleeves up and 'protecting' my better half.
Another man stepping in often makes things worse. It escalates the situation, especially where alcohol is involved.
A mature guy is usually the one who will wait until it's absolutely necessary to step in. Or at least step in with a very pacifying approach.
Think about it - why do you think so many police forces around the world are so keen to recruit females? Because they've found that male policemen end up making the situation worse.
Plus, it massively depends on the subject matter. I don't expect to have to step in to 'protect' my girlfriend. If I had to do that, I'd see it as a huge failure of hers not to be able to carry herself, and resolve difficult situations on her own.
Maybe the carpark situation is a bit different, but when it comes to angry drunk guys, it's best to let them shout themselves out, and not intervene.
Only in very, very rare occassions these days would I ever think about rolling my sleeves up and 'protecting' my better half.
perhaps the only thing he cud do is just to come over and pull me away protectively, but if i had any sense i wud do that already myself.
Most normal guys (me included) would defend my GF if the situation got worse but honestly, it doesn't make us whimpy that we don't step in straight away - ***it makes us superior***. You win a war using tactics and knowing when to strike not by staggering in and acting like you have the biggest cock in the room =)
I'd just try to nod to the guy in a "women eh?" look and take her away before she got us into any more trouble :D
Sorry!!
I've not been caught in such a situation myself, and I don't know what I would have done if a man (can I use that term now if he's being such an overreacting jerk?)were to act aggressively towards me. Maybe I'll be the peacemaker and offer to buy him another drink. Then again, my (guy) friend accidentally spilt someone else's drink and offered to buy them another one, but they still gave him attitude. Can't stand it when people don't accept apologies graciously, especially when a little spilt drink is such a small matter, you know..in comparison to .. terrorism and world hunger :P
a) use my girlfriend as a shield against his punches
b) offer my girlfriend to him in an exchange for my safety, and maybe 10 bucks for cab fare home.
For instance, "Holy Grail" refers to a certain product which is the user's absolute favourite and she/he keeps coming back to that product. But of course the dictionary meaning is a whole different thing.
:)
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@jimbo & Stevie.. hilarious! Made me laugh
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I dont think the BF needs to be aggressive to protect his GF. But yes, he needs to either step in and protect his GF by pulling her away, standing close to her, or speaking calmly to the thug and offer to buy him another drink or something.
I'd be pissed off if tht guy was shouting at me, and my bf just watched and pretended he didnt know me!
why do you need a guy to do those things you mention above?
you are more than capable of speaking calmly to the person, or buying them a drink to smooth things over
clearly we all agree that your BF shouldn't pretend he doesn't know you (duh, obviously), but don't try to bounce that argument into saying he should do all the BASIC common sense stuff that you should be doing yourself.
don't be such a romantic - difficult situations need to be handled with common sense by the 2 people who have the disagreement
But It kinda depends on different situations though. For the drunk situation, I think it'd be better if the BF pulled her away and tell her it's alright instead of saying what he just said. I'd get pissed off too if I were her.