Tuesday, November 18, 2008

How To Trap A Man

Blog reader Lonelygirl suggested that I should write about lesbians, or ways to lure a man. And since I'm not really interested in lesbians, I decided to do a post on How To Trap A Man. People who are anal or without a sense of humour, read at your own risk.


Men. Some are pleasing to look at. I tend to focus on their bums. And arms.

Who wouldn't want a man of their own. Apart from the bedroom, I find they're pretty handy to have around the kitchen. They can open Jars without even trying.

And even if you were lesbian, or some woman on an eternal power trip, we can't really make babies all on our own now can we.


So here's my top 5 ways to trap a man!


1. Let Them Think They're In Charge.

Play down your strengths, let him "explain" things to you and allow him to rescue you. Men like to feel like they're superior and are able to take care of you. Subconsciously, I think that's why men find a waxed pussy appealing. It makes you look like an infant.



2. Get Pregnant
If not for real, then fake it. Many women have faked a pregnancy to get married. You only need to claim to be pregnant long enough to get married and then “lose” the baby.


3. Be A Chef In The Kitchen

(... and a whore in the bedroom)
Pretend to be a domestic godess and look all sexy while cooking up a storm in the kitchen (dispose all evidence of take-away boxes)... and then turn the heat up in the bedroom as well.



4. Voodoo

Resort to the supernatural. Try a binding spell.

You need:

Yard of red ribbon
2 photos (yours and man you want to trap)
A needle or sharp object to poke holes into the photos
Poke holes in the pictures then sew them together chanting your desire.
(Warning! With all binding spells, you are also binding yourself to the other person - think before you do it!)

5. Come Quick

Whether it's faking an orgasm or training your mind to make you climax, just don't take forever and a day to come. I had a BF whose grandfather advised him- "Never marry a woman who takes too long to come, otherwise you'll spend your whole life exhausted."

7 comments:

  1. Anonymous12:18 am

    i tink #1 is well documented and is very true. look deep inside us, us guys will definitely agree. #2 is just plain cruel btw. #3 is spot-on. im sorry if i offend any strong-willed female out there but us guys are just wired this way. we want u to be great cooks, great housemaker, great cleaner, great everytg. plus, a great fuck too.
    insightful post...
    -f_asH, dude.

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  2. wat abt #5??? any truth in that???

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  3. Anonymous5:47 am

    ya, #5 is quite true too. haha!

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  4. Anonymous1:34 pm

    i can't come. then Do i have to fake it?

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  5. Anonymous5:46 pm

    Is that you in number 3? Nice! :)

    2 has happened to me with every serious ex I've had! Cruel!

    Thanks,

    S

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  6. Anonymous11:56 pm

    my last ex had some probs coming quickly. i tink it's a mental thing. gd thing though, she's nvr faked one.

    saw a woman walk her dog this eve at newton. it was only when she passed by me, and the pug was looking me in the eye dat i realised, cld it hv been u??
    nah.. i didnt tink so.

    f_asH

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  7. S--> sorry a serious Gf in your past pulled number 2 on you. quite a manipulative bitch eh... :) We women are really something :) teehee

    f_ash--> Did she look like me? Nah.. wasn't anywhere near newton. :) Next time just say "OMG!Holly Jean! I loveee you!" or something... if she looks at you funny, then it's not me.

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