Tuesday, November 04, 2008

Bedroom Bozos

Plenty of things can go wrong in bed.

Some people cannot help having a small cock or an ugly flappy pussy, etc.... But the list below is of the Dumbest Mistakes people make in bed, which could have very easily been avoided.

And you know what? Maybe we are making some of these mistakes, but our partners never told us. (Or maybe they did, but we're persistent and think that "it's not me, it's just him/her").

Holly Jean's
Top 5 Dumbest Mistakes Men Make In Bed

5. Inserting Penis into asshole and pretending it was an accident

YES, she will notice and NO, she will not believe it just "slipped in". If you really want it, then ask nicely. If she says no, then I'm sorry, trying to ram it in without her knowledge will not work.

4. Shouting the wrong name

If you know you're capable of making a mistake like this, then I strongly suggest you get into the habit of shouting something generic when in throes of pleasure. "Oooh Baby!" "Darling!" whatever works... but if you call Amanda... Samantha... you'll be in a big load of shit.

3. Pushing her head down

Some girls love to give BJs some don't. Either way, pushing her head down to your penis is just insulting. Haven't you heard? You can lead a horse to water.. but you cannot make it (her) drink.

ha. No but seriously, if she's not keen on it, shoving her head there is going to repulse her more. Instead... keep yourself well groomed down there, keep it clean and be healthy (pineapple juice will make cum taste great... *so I've heard*).

2. Leaving Clothes On

I guess for a quickie somewhere... that's ok. But if it's a proper love making session in your room, on your bed... please... undress yourselves. I know you probably just want to hike her dress up to her waist and start pumping away.... but is that really what you want sex to be about?

1. Heading down straightaway
The clitoris is sensitive. When engaging in foreplay, don't just attack it straight on. It doesn't work that way. Even foreplay needs to be built up.
Holly Jean's Top 5 Dumbest Mistakes Women Make In Bed

5. Talk too much

Guiding him and telling him what's pleasurable is GOOD. But Yakking away about stuff not related to sex at that moment in time.. is BAD. And please.. don't use this time to suddenly spring questions like - Do you love me enough to marry me? or... Will you take me on holiday? or ... Will you meet my parents tomorrow?... it's underhanded. Shame on you!

4. Not even A squeek

If he has to ask you a few times- "Have you come yet?" then... chances are.. you're too bloody quiet, he doesn't have a clue what's going on.

3. Hiding

If he's having such an intimate relationship with you, then he should like you enough to see your body and all its "flaws". Don't undress under the covers or in the pitch dark... Look at each other, admire what's in front of you. Sex is a loving bonding experience. Why would you want to skip through any part?

2. Using too much teeth or nails
no.. pleasure and pain are not really the same. At least not to normal people.
1. Faking orgasms.

Just. Don't. Do. This.
Once you start faking, he thinks he's doing everything right. And if he doesn't know it's not working, he's not going to change it. It's a vicious cycle of unfulfilling sex!
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7 comments:

  1. Anonymous1:50 pm

    To add to your female bozo list, how about "Random conversation unrelated to the sexual act". Definitely a mood-killer. Know what I mean? ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yeah.. I'm actually guilty of that!

    But it's usually when he can't sustain my interest! lol. kidding

    But I listed it as number 5 on the female bozo list ... look properly :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. What a funny post!
    Strange though, I do the 3rd one quite often and it always works ... ;-)
    Just joking!
    Hope no children read that...

    ReplyDelete
  4. Pistola9:01 pm

    No one mentioned personal hygiene? haha. I dont have to go into details on this one.

    ReplyDelete
  5. hahaha.

    love this post!

    ReplyDelete