The Childish Relationship: On Again Off Again

Are you in an on-again-off-again relationship? Is it healthy to carry on this way? Will it eventually get you anywhere?

First you need to ask yourself damn honestly... When you split up with your other half... what are your (or their) intentions?

Is it to get a reaction? To instill fear? You are unsure if they're worth your commitment because there might be something better out there for you? Or have you really had enough and realise that this person is not who you can be with long term?

The first 3 reasons listed above are very childish and something you expect out of an entitled teenager playing relationship power play games. Unfortunately, many of us do not outgrow this habit... and we take this toxic behaviour into our adult relationships too.

Breaking up is fine. It's not wrong. Everybody... and I mean everybody makes mistakes when trying to find love. You might have to kiss a lot of frogs before one turns into Prince Charming. That's fine. 

But to engage in a cycle of on-again-off-again in a relationship is downright immature, don't you think? Now, I can understand, there may be some level of indignance if you're reading this post and you're in such a relationship. You're probably huffing at my post, thinking- SHE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND MY RELATIONSHIP. THIS ONE IS DIFFERENT.

... but honey, it's not different, or unique, or special to warrant such a tumultuous (aka insane) relationship trajectory.

Sorry.

Break ups. If you don't mean it, don't threaten it... *smh* and especially don't do it repeatedly.

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I believe that giving an ex a second chance could work out. Once. Like that's the threshold. Any additional patch ups after that, just does not make sense. If you're the same old people, with the same old problems, trying to rekindle the same old relationship... what's the point? You're both better off staying apart.

I've only ever patched up with an ex (it was Mark) once in my entire relationship history. And even then, we were dating for a whole year or so before splitting up. And were split up for 4 months before giving it a second shot. I really don't understand couples who are like... today break up, tomorrow patch back and then next week break up again. Like wtf. Do your relationship decisions have any gravity at all ?

Anyway, back to my only experience of getting back with an ex. It was good for like 2 weeks, because there was this old feeling of familiarity, but then it became worse than before. Then we saw it through for a couple of months before mutually calling it quits... actually I don't know why he wanted to give us a second try, he was quite a selfish unattractive person the second time round. Wasted my time and my potential relationships with other suitors. -_-

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There's 2 more common (yep, it's common, this type of union not that special) reasons for an on-again-off-again relationship. 

It's the only way to re-ignite

One is that the couple's love fades over time, they start putting less effort in the relationship. And the easiest way to get out of the rut and reignite the relationship is to shake things up, throw things off kilter with a split up and make up again. It's a roller coaster of pain and passion.

There's no respect
If there's always one instigator calling the shots. Instead of working towards any compromise or making the relationship stronger with you... They just want you to feel 'the loss' when they dump your ass and then you change whatever it is that they don't approve of before you come crawling back. Worse still is you come crawling back pretending to have changed but actually you know you gonna pull the same stunts all over again. Hahahaha . WTF. 

If you want to commit, you commit. If you don't, you walk away. But going back and forth is just a basic lack of respect to the other person. 

Ultimately these patterns gives way to a final break-up. It's just a matter of how much time you want to waste first?