Throwing Myself a Pity Party

This is the first month we finally stopped using condoms after being married for 1 year and 3 months. (Seriously, my husband would not touch me with a barge pole without contraceptive barriers).

Finally this month, we have started to try to conceive. I would have liked to have reached this point a whole lot earlier in our marriage. But for David, the time was never right (because of money and work woes). 

To be honest, just last month, I was starting to seriously doubt his intentions. Every time we talked about having babies, he would say, "soon", "not yet", "our time will come". And if I harped on it too much, he would get angry. I waited more than a year after marriage, but it was still not time yet. Then some of my friends started suspecting that hey, maybe he's just dragging you along, and he actually doesn't want kids. (WTF)

I have dumped fabulous boyfriends in the past as soon as I found out that they didn't plan to have kids after marriage. I've had the "family" conversation with my husband even before we got engaged... and he said he did want kids. Imagine sod's law in full force if I ended up marrying someone who didn't want kids afterall! 

It was starting to seriously worry me. 
But as luck would have it, in a very strange twist of fate,  he just  woke up one day and was ready. 

So this month (April) is our first month trying to conceive (or at least the first month not avoiding conception). And I've been charting my basal body temperature (BBT) every morning. Definitely detected ovulation on the 14th, as I'm one of the lucky ones who get a big dip the day before ovulation and a big rise on the day of ovulation, making it obvious when it happens. So timed intercourse well this first round. 

(Background info: I actually started charting my BBT for a couple of months last year so I would understand my cycle once the time came to try to conceive.. I just didn't realise it would take this long to reach this point.  lol. Anyway, if you're planning to try in the future, I definitely recommend you start charting before that. You can google how to do it)

Anyway, I'm now in the 2 week wait (2WW). 12 days past ovulation to be exact (12 DPO). I have absolutely NO SYMPTOMS ( I read online about people getting symptoms like nausea as early as 5 DPO). I had heartburn (which I never had before in my life!) on 9DPO and 10 DPO. And early on at around 6 DPO I had the sickening taste of bile at the back of my throat. Yuck. But that is it. No bad cramps, no implantation bleeding, nothing.(

I did a home pregnancy test (HPT) yesterday ( I really shouldn't have! 11 DPO is so early!).. it was a big fat negative (BFN). And that really got me feeling dejected.

My temperatures have stayed well above my cover line on my chart (with small fluctuations here and there, and a normal surge of estrogen on 3 DPO which caused it to dip and the go right back up the next day). But today at 12 DPO my temperature dropped :( 

They say, when your period is coming, your temperature will dip (eventually drop below the cover line of your chart). But if you're pregnant, it stays up. So I'm waiting to see if it goes back up tomorrow or not.

I suspect I had a low reading today because I didn't sleep well. My husband kept waking me up, as he usually does when he can't sleep (Normally I don't mind this as I'm a light sleeper anyway. But at this point when I need 3 hours straight sleep in order to get an accurate BBT reading... I'm like.. FUCKKKK!!!!). He woke me at 4plus am ( I take my temp every morning at 6am), and I could not force myself back to sleep for quite a while.

However, I'm not optimistic about it. I started out this cycle thinking.. maybe just maybe I'll be one of those who gets pregnant on her first try! Especially since I know most of the science behind it. But I guess being such a nerd is a bad thing cos I'm reading so much into every temperature fluctuation and I'm bumming myself out.

They say it takes a healthy couple up to 1 year to get pregnant.. and every cycle there's only about 20% (or something shitily low like that) chance of pregnancy. I know quite a few people who have done it in 3 months. And only one who did it on the first attempt.I don't know if I should share this news with you. Usually people don't share the news that they are trying to conceive because, it can get stressful, and what if you're not successful after many months?? Then everyone will know you're trying and failing at it. (!!)  

I blame my husband for wanting to wait. Now TTC is like an event. It would have been so much less stressful (for me) if we just let nature take its course from the very start and just see how it goes. The other day with some friends of his, I ordered a coke instead of a beer, and his friend was like , "a coke?!"  And my husband said " Yes, cos she's going to be a mummy soon". And I was like.. woah.. you're jumping the gun. Fuck, do you think it's THAT easy to get pregnant?!

The truth is, it doesn’t matter how easy or hard trying to get pregnant is for anyone else but you. Besides, 99 percent of the time, you really don’t know someone else’s story. It may not have been as easy for her as you think.

Can you share your trying to conceive (TTC) journey with me too? I just need a little perk me up so I don't have to throw myself a pity party.


Anonymous said…
Hey Holly, Not trying to be a downer but you really need to be realistic. It takes anything from 6 to 18 months to successfully conceive. You're probably not going to get your BFP this month.
Anonymous said…
I say..try not to track this whole getting pregnant thing. It might stress u up n disappoint u everytime u get yr period. Just try doing it often around yr ovulation period. I tracked for a year with no results. After stopping n not thinking about it cuz I basically gave up, I got pregnant.
Michelle said…
Hi Holly, it took us about 6 months to successfully conceived for the first time. I tracked my BBT, ovulation dates and took ovulation tests. Turned out, I was counting my days wrongly. Guess what helped in the end? A fertility app you can download on iPhone. I got pregnant right away. We used the same app for the second one after my first turned 1 year old. And we conceived again at first try!

Damn, I sounded like I'm promoting the app. But it is worth a try.. it's free anyway. (I'm also one of those lucky ones that my period comes on the exact date every month, so it is easy to track).

Good luck!
Holly Jean said…
I used the Fertility Friend App this month (last year when I was trying out tracking, I used some other app i cant remember what). I like the app, very helpful.
Holly Jean said…
I know :( I'll just continue tracking for this month until I get my period. Then future cycles, I just track around time of ovulation so tht i can get that date right, then stop temping.
Anonymous said…
Hey Holly!

I rmb when I was ttc and every month after we got married and I was secretly disappointed, although I kept telling family and friends that if it happens it happens each time they asked. It is quite a bummer I recalled though i know it will take a while as i just got off the pills after a decade of taking it. So when I got my period each month as I didn't track my cycles, I was down.

I did start taking blackmore conceive gold and after taking one box I found out I was pregnant... and now is a proud mummy of 3 month old lassie.

I also had more fun in bed without much expectations. I think it is important to manage our expectations and just have fun.

All the best dear! May we hear good news soon!
Unknown said…
Go get yourself a bunch of ovulation sticks - theyre absolutely the best way to know precisely when youre fertile. I bought a box of 20 from boots Ireland and used 8 (used a few even when I wasnt trying) before getting pregnant. Try and see if you can get ovulation kits (the ones you pee on) in SG...Good luck.
Unknown said…
Go get yourself a bunch of ovulation sticks - theyre absolutely the best way to know precisely when youre fertile. I bought a box of 20 from boots Ireland and used 8 (used a few even when I wasnt trying) before getting pregnant. Try and see if you can get ovulation kits (the ones you pee on) in SG...Good luck.
Holly, it sounds to me you are stressing yourself out. You are still very young so even if you don't conceive the first month, it is not the end of the world. Keep trying and enjoy the process instead of stressing yourself and your husband out. While you are hoping to be a mother soon, you might also want to cherish the quiet time you have now with your hubby cos when the baby is here, it will never be the two of you again!
Anonymous said…
You're being too hard up on yourself. Soon, your hubby too will be stressed because you'll tend to 'pounce' on him every time the perceived right time comes. Yes, as the rest have mentioned, the process will take quite a few months. So, go easy on the pedal a bit. Sometimes you take the initiative, and at other times let him take the lead. Or else, he'll begin to see as one woman in heat who only cares for his seeds to get pregnant.

I made that mistake the first time. My hubby felt I was too aggressive in the bedroom, and that kind of put him off. So after a heart-to-heart, we agreed that more sex must take place with the intention of having a baby. But we'd both bear equal responsibility of initiating each other. I stopped being too aggressive, and instead played it more subtle by dressing up more often to invite him to initiate. I guessed that worked for us.

When I finally conceived, it was huge sigh of relief from the both of us. It was really tiring to consciously have that much sex but that agreement helped us not to get too stressed about it.

Anonymous said…
I totally understand how u feel because I am also trying now but failed the first 2 mths... my #1 was conceived on second try, we were very lucky, so pressure is on! Join us at the Singapore motherhood forum 2ww thread... lots of ladies to support one another there ...

tammy said…
hello holly
try this tool

my sister got pregnant after she followed the tips. i told me she followed the conception date to chart. sorry i don't exactly know which tool but take a look at this page where they tell you, good to check out other tips that assist

best, hope to hear good news soon!
Anonymous said…
The more you expect it so much, the more it will never come. You should just enjoy the process and not expect anything. And surprise will come your way.
Holly Jean said…
I have tried OPKs (I was testing them out before we started TTC), and realised I don't register positive on any of them.
I even went to the gynea a few months ago just to see if all is ok or I wasn't ovulating. And he scanned my ovaries and said that was the actual day of my ovulation and a 25mm (I cant rememeber exact size) egg was abt to be released ! Ack.. so since then, I decided OPKs don't work for me (maybe my pee is always too diluted, and also I pee several times a night so first morning urine also not tht concentrated for HPTs maybe?)

Charting has always shown clearly my ovulations.
Holly Jean said…
YES! Thanks for recommending Blackmores .I am actually taking Blackmores Conceive Well Gold. (Same one right?)

I started like more than 2 months ago, even before my husband agreed to TTC. Lol... that's how gan chong spider I am.

I like it, it has made my cycles more regular
Holly Jean said…
I know.... :) I'll try ( but so hard lah!)
Holly Jean said…
Thanks, will check it out. I don't have problems pin pointing my exact ovulation day though. It's always very clear on my chart.
But I will go see what other tips they have
thanks so much :)
Holly Jean said…
Yah I know right. And the story of my life is... nothing comes easy for me :( If I really want something and there's an easy route to it, and a hard route... life always seems to lead me down the hard route
Anonymous said…
I took it out from a movie. "Did I hear Anxious? Anxiety is the number 1 hindrance to pregnancy."
Try to take it easy Holly. And keep a cheerful mindset.

Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished. ~
Anonymous said…
Hey holly! Ive been trying for a year. And then when i finally conceived, i had a miscarriage only soon after in my 7weeks. Im really sad. But lets not give up ya. There are more people trying to conceive that u think although it seems there are always pregnant ladies smothering u from every corner, making u feel like a green-eyed monster. Hehe.. Lets Jia you! =p
Jess said…
Hi Holly!

Well, I am now 8.5 months pregnant and I got pregnant in the second month of trying. I too initially thought that it'll take much longer than that - i thought, up to a year for sure. So I was a bit kan cheong. When I got pregnant, I was like, oh so fast ah. Crap! We're having a baby!

I think if its all systems go, most couples conceive within several months.

Try not to worry too much - although I know its hard. I remember feeling really sad when my period came the first time we tried. I can see how trying for long periods of time can be really stressful on the relationship though. So you need to pace yourself and manage your expectations.

Hopefully sex doesnt become a chore. And if every month you do it on the right now - what more can you do right? If you're pregnant, you're pregnant. If not there's next month.

But good luck! Might be easier than you think - our bodies are naturally trying to get pregnant, so dont you worry.

Take care!
Anonymous said…
Hi holly,

i read that tracking sometimes is not as accurate as having to check your discharge being transparent like the egg white before cooking (okay might sounds gross) but it did kind of help me check and do around that period. I tried temperature checking and all but its not as accurate with what your body tells you. And maybe you can try chinese physician. I do agree, sometimes when you just stop thinking about it and just do and enjoy, it happens. Well that was the case for me. Good Luck!
Anonymous said…
Hey Holly, don't worry too much. I am married for about a year now and have been trying to conceive as well. Had a BFP then but it ended as a MC in Week 10. Since then, I've not had a BFP since. Am still trying and tension between my hubby and I have increased especially since sex became more stressful with the intention of having a kid. I don't have any solutions to offer you but just to share that I am going through the same emotions as you. Hope that we will have good news soon! Hang in there! =)
Anonymous said…
My partner and I have been trying for a baby for over two years now, We were going to a fertility clinic for about 5 months before somebody told us to contact this spell caster who is so powerful, We contacted him at this email; , for him to help us, then we told him our problem, he told us that she we either conceive in January 2013 or February 2013,but after two years of trying we were at a point where we were willing to try anything. And I'm glad we came to Dr.BABA Because he predictions put us at ease, and I honestly believe him, and his gods really helped us as well, I am thankful for all he has done. contact him via email: ; if you are trying to get a baby or want your lover back. he has powers to do it, he has done mine.
Holly Jean said…
sorry to hear abt ur miscarriage babe. :( life can be so cruel some times :(
Holly Jean said…
update- my period did come... while I was on the plane flying to scotland. I'm still here, and this weekend is my next expected ovulation. So trying again.

If it fails, there's always next month.. but A month is such a long wait though
Holly Jean said…
i havent seen any doc of physician yet.. i will do if not luck for 4 months or so. :( this is the second month. fingers crossed.
Holly Jean said…
Omg week 10 m/c :( I'm so sorry to hear about that.

baby dust to all of us.
Holly Jean said…
will go check tht forum out. thanks :)
Holly Jean said…
yeah I'm always the one initiating.. like 9 out of 10 times at least. or maybe more like 99 out of 100 times even. :(

But it has always been like tht .. even before trying to conceive. I guess his drive is just a lot lower than mine. Which worries me because a few times having sex makes the odds of getting pregnant much lower compared to sex every other day.

Holly Jean said…
I've used those before and my pee is usually too diluted :( it didnt come up positive even on the day when I had a pap smear, and the doc did a scan (cos i told him I wld try to conceive soon)... and it turned out I was ovulating on that day ! but the sticks never picked up the LH surge for me.
Holly Jean said…
Yup, I didn't get my BFP ... period came on 1st may. bummer.
Meme said…

I have a tip (I'm a medical student who keeps abreast of healthcare advice and new developments) for TTC couples: browse for things like 'softcup' and 'conception caps'. These are little caps you can place in your vagina after sex and they 'trap' sperm and often make conception more likely. The other thing is definitely invest in ovulation sticks because they help keep track of your fertility. Good luck!
Anonymous said…
Hi Holly,

any luck so far with baby making? Am trying for a baby now myself and it's been oh so stressful!
Holly Jean said…
No luck yet. It's been 4 cycles so far. 2 well timed ones . And one not so well timed. And one cycle I missed my ovulation week entirely! Been hard and stressful esp since we been travelling (for work) without each other :( . He's gg china next week and I according to my calculations I will ovulate that weekend! Hope we catch it in time when he gets back
Anonymous said…
It's been really hard and stressful for me too. Sending you lots of baby dust! Hope we get lucky soon!
Anonymous said…
Hi Holly, I started ttc the same time as you (April) and it has been 6 unsuccessful cycles. There was a false alarm during my 4th cycle as my menses was 3 days late. All HPT came up negative and we were even more disappointed when my period finally came. Sometimes I can't help but to suspect that it has something got to do with my husband not having a high sex drive, we always time our deed during my ovulation period. It has been a very trying period for the both of us and it's even more stressful when our friends who married later than us seem to be conceiving so easily!

I really hope you and I will be successful in our attempts soon! I am so going to watch this space for good news! Good luck to all of us who are trying!
Holly Jean said…
I know what u mean abt sex drive, def need higher frequency when ttc :(

We started same time but it's only been 4 completed cycles for me!!! Just in middle of 5th cycle (cd11 and I bloody ovulated much earlier than expected, cheebye!! Which means I didn't get to hv sex before ovulation only once on the day of). Not optimistic.

And my cycles are so long, abt 36days so I have to wait long time for each chance. Except this month with the fluke extra early ovulation
Anonymous said…
U know holly I check in to see if there's any BFP updates from u! Good luck, id be so darn excited for u!
Holly Jean said…
Aww thanks. But I just started my 5th cycle (meaning the previous 4 failed!) hv started using ovulation predictor sticks now .