Wednesday, March 07, 2012

I've Been an Unforgiving Bitch

I was attempting to clean my room a couple days ago, and I found this black box under my bed. 

I've had my fair share of pain in life. I've been hurt many times to the point I guess where I learned to put myself first. If you treat me bad or you're not the one for me and I am not happy, I leave. Bye. I have no pity for you.

But when I unearthed this box, and opened it, I found memorabilia from an ex boyfriend. No, this wasn't Mark, it was earlier than that. This was the boyfriend who became a pilot and developed bad pride, whose mother didn't like me from the start based on how I looked, and the bf whom I left (to be with another man, Skye) because this ex made me feel unimportant, and taken for granted.

Anyway, I remember it being a bad break up. It was not mutual. He was returning from Texas (where he had been flying for months... most of our 2 year relationship was long distance, anyway) and was going to marry me. But he had become a different person, not the person I wanted to marry anymore.

In this box, there were a stack of 5 cards that were sealed, never opened. Curious, I opened them, and one after another... they were cards pleading for forgiveness, asking to be given a second chance, telling me how much he loved me. One of the card's ink had even run because it was badly tear stained. These cards were written about 6 years ago.

But even reading them today, I could feel the sincerity, the pain and the raw desperation that was in all those cards. What I cannot believe is that I had never even opened a single one of them. I put them away and even managed to forget about them.

When he wrote these cards, all he wanted to do was get a message across to me. I would not answer any of his calls, and I told my family to say I wasn't in whenever he came knocking at my door (which I remember he did for several weeks after the break up). But I did not let myself feel anything but the determination to leave him and move on.

Can someone really be this cold and unforgiving?

I don't regret my decision though. The relationship would have been fraught with too many interferences. We would not have been happy. I think he is doing very well now, I am not sure if he is married or not, but his career is doing very well. I know because I see his pictures in the Pioneer magaines (some army shite) which my brother receives in the mail. I've seen pictures of him standing in his flight suit in the army magazine, very tall and proud. And I don't feel hatred, or sadness. I just feel nothing.

But I am so sorry he had to go through such a bad break up on his own like that.

My past break ups logged in posts- (I might be missing some out)
- The Worst Break Up of My Life
- How I met the Biscuit
- Nothing
- The Break Up Break Down
- Listen if You Want To
- Opera in the Park
-Wish I had a Crystal Ball
-GB & I Split Up
-HK BF & I Split Up


My posts about getting over break ups:
- How Long Should You Wait?
- Breaking Up Is Not Hard To Do
- Is It Too Soon To Date Again?
- January is Break Up Month
- Break Up Return Policy
-Getting Dumped Sucks
- Break Up Mistakes
- Lessons in Love




5 comments:

  1. Anonymous3:41 pm

    I keep stuff from the past and some of them hurts but somehow i want to keep them. I try to think that i can move on but i know i'm only kidding myself. But i always wonder if i would have made the decision i had if i knew things would turn out that bad for me.

    It's good that you have move on from then :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous2:57 pm

    Didn't he cheat on you?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous10:40 pm

    Didn't he cheat on you?

    ReplyDelete
  4. yes! while he was in Aust for 10months! Well I don't know if he cheated a in - sex. But he was seeing a girl (singaporean girl who was there, I think studying in perth)... and he didn't tell me, even when ppl told me, and I asked him, he said no.

    Though I only found out the truth (from his own mouth) about this MONTHS later... after I had even forgotten about these "sorry" cards he had sent, asking for a second chance.

    (the reason for our break up was not cheating. The reason was I just wasnt happy with him)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Anonymous12:12 pm

    please don't put yourself on such a high pedestal. trust me, he is so much happier without you... and good that you are too. and i hope for your own good, it will last a long time. god bless :)

    ReplyDelete