The Post That Should Have Been (My Proposal)

I was so ill on Christmas eve right up to New Year's eve that I did not say the things I wanted to tell you regarding David's proposal. And then I was away in Hong Kong, and busy with events and this wednesday I will be in Phuket for a week.... I haven't had time to just let it all sink in yet.

So here is the post that should have been....

(24th December 2011)

Dear Readers,

Today, I fell ill. I must not have looked very good and I did not want to go out either.

It was 4pm in the evening. I usually unwrap my presents at night on the eve of Christmas. But since I was feeling poorly, I decided to do it a few hours earlier than usual.

David got me 2 gift bags. In the first one, there was lingerie. In the second bag, there was PINK flanel Paul Frank PJs with Julius monkey prints all over!!! Me being me... I went straight to the bathroom to put on my new Pink PJs!! They were so cute!

I was happy as a pig in shit.

When I got back to the table, I realised I hadn't taken my next dose of Panadol. So I got a glass of water, popped one pill. I have to take pills one at a time. Before I could take the second one, David comes out of the spare bedroom and says something like "Are you ready for it?" (I forgot exactly what he said... I mean... I didn't know it was going to be my proposal! Otherwise I would have paid more attention to everything that went on!)

I had no idea what he was talking about.

Then came the question- Will you marry me?

Half of me thought he was joking ( background story later in this post)... the other half of me went - OMG OMG OMG I think it's really happening!

Then I said stupid things like , " For real, baby?" "Is it for real???"

And when I saw his hand reach into his pocket, and a familiar little red box popped out.... I knew.

Of course my answer was Yes.

After sending out the news to our family and closest friends, we celebrated with some champagne. Just the two of us.

Background story is... months ago, while I was lying on his chest, on the couch watching TV one afternoon, he very suddenly looked at me, dead in the eyes and said, " Marry me?"

I remember this moment vividly. It was the one moment where my heart felt like it was going to burst because I was so happy.

But on the outside, I was calm. I don't know why I hid my emotions from him, it was quite silly of me. Then he said let's go get your ring and that he would propose to me properly after getting the ring.

When he went to get changed to go out, I remember wanting to text Bianca to say - He Proposed!!! But then I decided it was best not to. I'm accustomed to my life being quite jinxed. You know whenever I am happy, life always throws a curve ball and finds some way to fuck it up.

So I told no one. I was so happy inside but I was afraid to tell anyone (not even my family.. let alone my blog readers) because I was afraid I would ruin it.

Anyway, I did not see a ring I liked at the mall that day. There were nice ones... but too elaborate... I wanted a classic solitaire, small carat but very good clarity and colour. (Nothing worse than seeing a yellow tinge on your diamond when you put it next to a better quality one!).

So we decided that we wouldn't rush buying the ring, and we would keep looking. I think we looked around (on weekends) for about a month before we found it.

We were at a jewellers, and the guy was attending to me as I was trying on a few rings. David was in the chair next to me, and he pointed to this solitaire and said, "try that one".

The guy took it out, I put it on. It was love at first sight. It shined brilliantly yet it wasn't too showy nor too mad expensive (I rather spend the money on the honeymoon, or on our new home), and the band was tapered and thin... just what I was looking for. It took about a week to get it made smaller. David collected the ring... but he did not propose.

He said that he would surprise me.

That first month... every time we went out for dinner... I would think... is this it?? Is this it?? I even thought he might do it on my birthday while we were still in Scotland. But no...

There was once we were having curry at an Indian restaurant back in Singapore, and suddenly there was a black out.... there was only light from the little candles on each table. He got up and pretended to go down on one knee... then laughed at said he was kidding... the asshole. lol.

I mentioned that wow.. it would be a great idea if it were the real proposal and he had got the management to black the lights out just for it.

Anyway, by the second month...I stopped anticipating. I stopped checking the sock drawer (where he kept the ring), and I even stopped wondering - when??

In the third month, which was December, he took me back to the Indian curry restaurant. And I REALLY thought he was going to propose then... because it would make great sense. To re-create that black out scene and then get down on one knee.. only this time, it wouldn't be a joke.

At the end of the dinner, I realised it wasn't going to happen that evening either, and I was slightly disappointed. I think women all have dreams about how proposals should be like... and the reality is... most of us don't get that.

I actually don't like people asking me the question- So how did he propose??? Cos my answer is - Oh, at his house on Christmas eve, while I was in my PJs at 4pm and taking Panadol.

Not exactly fireworks or Romeo & Juliet now... is it....

(Actually, the reason I remember that my proposal happened at about 4pm that evening was because I rang my cousin Olivia to tell her, and she asked "How did he propose?" and I said while I was in my PJs... and she exclaimed,"why are you wearing pajamas at 4pm in the evening?!!")

So yeah, despite this long rambling post... I actually don't have a proposal story to tell. What I have are the special moments I've had leading up to this proposal. From that moment my heart almost burst with happiness when he first asked me and the month long search for the right ring... to the three months after where he would periodically joke and pretend he was proposing and even the moments when I was silently disappointed that it hadn't happened.

When I think of my life right now, I am happy. I am happy because I know I am not settling. But I am finally settling down.

When you settle, it means you haven’t found what you’re looking for, but you have decided to stop looking for it. Settling down, however, is finally finding the person you've been looking for and feeling this great sense of content.

No mountains were moved for this proposal, but to me, today truly was a fairy tale,

HJ.