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I've always been attracted to older men.
Read these 4 past blog posts to understand where I am coming from (especially if you're a new reader)
Should I Date an Older Man?
Women Who Date Older Men Are Gold Diggers
Of Cougars and Kittens
My Older Men Fetish
Last year however, (following my failed relationship with my Ex Mark who was 19 years older than me), I started opening my dating horizons to men who were my age as well.
I was with GB for a few months last year (he was only 32) and then I was with the HK guy earlier this year (8 yrs older).... but anything less than 10 years, I don't consider "older". Well, I was never attracted to him in the way I am attracted to older men.
But both relationships didn't last beyond a few months. In retrospect (yes, hindsight is wonderful), I am glad it didn't. I would not have been happy with either of them in the long run... especially with HK guy. I can't believe I let that drag. I'm so happy he's the sort who is wishy washy and doesn't have a clue what he wants in life. That's me off his hook!
Now that I am dating an older man again (he is 12 years older.. so we are both Monkeys in the Chinese zodiac)... I'm loving it... I'm loving him... I adore him, I feel special and I am happy again. It's just a much better match than all my previous ones.
And here's why I STILL prefer older men.Older Men...
... are more interesting than men of my own age. They grew up in a different decade from me. I lived my teenage years and 20s to the fullest... experiencing all of what the 90's and 00's had to offer to the young and inexperienced. I want to be with someone who has experienced a different decade, or the same decade but in a different phase of life.
...have direction. Young men either don't have direction or they are trying to pursue far too many directions at the same time. There is nothing wrong with this. By all means, pursue your career, or your first whatever... but your hierarchy of needs do not match mine at this time.
...won't jeopardise the relationship. Young men tend to spend at least a decade of their lives letting good women pass them by...mainly by messing around with stuff (like flirting and cheating and lying) they know will destroy the relationship...but they still do it. Older men know better.
... don't play games. And I don't mean computer games (although older men tend not to obsess over computer games.. which is a good thing). What I mean is the mind game. Younger men like to keep their options open, while still keeping you close. They work towards getting the best hand they possibly can, while older men work towards keeping you.
... understand things better. They put alot of the childish things behind them and look at the things that really matter. I've also found that they have more patience and are more resilient in times of turmoil.
... share the same lifestyle preference as I do. I like socialising and having drinks with my partner in the evenings... but at the end of the day, home is where I want to be most. Any relationship (whether you're the same age or not) where at 10 p.m., he's wearing pajamas and falling asleep with a book in his hands.... and she's got on her dancing shoes on and is heading for the clubs.... is not going to last. And even if it does, it's not going to be a fullfilling one.
.... give me peace of mind. Well, not all older men... but my man in particular doesn't keep me at home worrying. When he's out for drinks with his mates, he bothers to make the effort to give me a quick ring, and send me SMSs. I never asked for any of this.. but I appreciate it a lot. I could never stay with someone who makes me feel insecure.
... make great lovers. You know how whenever you see an older man with a younger partner on the streets, the first thought is... "Oh, he must be rich and he must be with her for the sex." Contrary to that popular (shallow) assumption... I have found that it was the younger men who were eager to jump into my pants. Older men (who are serious about you) know that sex is not a race, and make the effort to build the relationship first.
... are romantic. I'm not talking the seranade-on-a-gondola-in-Italy type romance (though you're still more likely to get that out of an older man than that boy with spiked up hair who secretly wanks off to porn in his bedroom). But I'm talking about the little things which all add up. We've not even been together 4 months yet. But I already have so many special moments which I hold close to my heart.
... are protective. But in a Non-Cave Man Way. The first thought on a younger man's mind when he's trying to protect you is to bash someone's face in or break their legs. An older guy is less worried about beating up another person and more concerned with getting you out of that situation, whatever it may be.
Of course not ALL older men are great. Not all men age like fine wine. And some men just never grow up. But if you choose wisely, you’ll be pleasantly surprised. Bottomline is you have to live your life for yourself when it comes to everything from what type of career to pursue to whom you fall in love with. Go seek your happiness.
So yeah... I tried for a year to date men my age (or only a bit older)... but I still prefer older men (this current one in particular :) )
if a younger than you man who is HK too,will you consider?
ReplyDelete@comment before mine.
ReplyDeleteAre u serious? Did u not read what she just wrote???
I am married to an older man who is 9 years older than me. I was divorce before because my ex and I were too young and selfish. Now it's much better with someone older.
ReplyDeleteI prefer older men too, i always date men at least 10 years older and i agree with wat u say. Its thrilling to be with younger men but most of them play games or just have no idea wat they are looking for apart from a hot nymphomaniac. My current partner is 16 years older and age has never been a problem!
ReplyDeleteHi HL
ReplyDeleteDo share wif yr readers how u get to knw yr current bf as well as wat are the great buys from this holiday : )
Hello HJ, your post is inspiring. Love it!
ReplyDeleteYes, would u share with us how u met David? :) I'm also in search of true love and am hopeful for pleasant days ahead after so many months of bumps. Time really flies. U were with GB last year! Thought it was like only months ago. Your writing has definitely became wiser =) Happy for u, HJ.
rally Are you Serious ..How can it possible
ReplyDeletehi hj,
ReplyDeletei quite enjoyed this post coz i think it came straight from the heart and is more substantial and had me nodding at points (even though i don't think i'd ever date someone that much older). unlike your previous posts which have been all about shopping, adverts, basically just fluffy and really bimbotic sounding (i don't mean this as a personal attack).
wow i think its generally the western culture and all the white men you have been getting perhaps. either that they are jsut not that into you. men my age be it my current one or my previous ones had everyone of that trait.. i always liked you but never seen that "hasty generalization" in your posts before. and i thought you were an english teacher?
ReplyDeleteAlso, I'm just not that into them.
ReplyDeleteHolly Jean,
ReplyDeleteThere are many truths in why you prefer older men.
I am 10 yrs older than wife and over time have grown into a very happy and balanced couple.
However neither my wife, nor myself bounced from one relationship to another.
I had many failed relations, she had only one.
There is an unsettling undercurrent when you end and then start another relationship with a new partner.
Your posts do not reveal enough for your readers to discern way.
Best wishes!
I agree - Holly you seems to sway from one direction to another..Always in love and awe of "the current one" - be it older or younger.
ReplyDeleteThere's no right or wrong - it's what suits your preference. It's not age that matters - it's who love you and vice versa.
what gets to me is that you jump right into a relationship, always depicting such a lovey-dovey picture and the next moment you're out of it. Then you'll start writing about what was it that you didn't fancy about that relationship.
Let's admit it - the current one may not always be the "best" you had in mind however, it may be one which you're able to live with and accept any nuances.
So let's get real - do you really like older man or is this just the right feeling to justify your being with an older man currently?
My 2 cents worth - if you really love someone, age doesn't matter. Perhaps a topic on what is it that captivates you in your man is more suitable as readers like us see you hop in and out in so many relationship, whilst we want to wish you the best, can't help but feel many a times, your articles are just to justify your current decisions - of which changes so freq from time to time.
HK guy was 8 years older? I would consider that to be dating an older man too.
ReplyDeleteI prefer dating older men. I totally agree with ur points esp the one about - they won't jeopardise the relationship by doing things tht will hurt the relationship. Young men do this all the time, because it's some ego thing, they HAVE to do it (whatever it maybe) even when they know it upsets their partner.
u know. you say all this and u flock back to older men. how many have broken your heart so far? are they really better?
ReplyDeleteor do u put younger men against a higher benchmark just because they are younger and dont fit into your idealised picture of yourself with an older man.
i dont think what your doing is healthy, floating from one bf to the next and never really taking time for yourself.
but its your life.
For all those who don't know HJ, it's easy to read a few blogposts and then criticise.
ReplyDeleteBut if you get to know HJ you will understand perfectly well why an older man suits her better than guys her age. Despite still being one of the girliest person I have known, she grew up surprisingly fast.
We were in sec school together, and while boys were playing soccer, and stealing cigarettes, HJ was modelling after school. She never hung out with guys her age.
She was always around older men, who moulded her and guided her.
When we were 18 and went to club and had our first drink, I remember HJ being very surprised because she already started partying before that. She said her first beer was at Christmas years ago.
I've always been in awe of you HJ because you led a life different from the average Singaporean kid. And now even though we dont hang out anymore, I see you on your blog, and a part of me smiles because you're still that same girl. Different from all the rest, but a nice different.
-J