HK Bf and I Split Up

I'm off to Phuket this Saturday, and will blog from Phuket until the 24th.

OMG. Am so looking forward to 10 days away from it all. I need a chillout idle holiday lounging on the beach... no meetings, no shoots, no editorials, no events to attend.... just chillout and share pictures and stories on my blog.





(already got a fully booked up week when I return though.. dreading it already!)





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I want to share something with you...

I know I've kept this under wraps for a very long time. But about 2 months ago, my Bf (the Hong Kong one) and I split up. Exactly 5 months into the relationship... which is incidentally exactly the same amount of time GB (my previous BF) and I lasted.

At first I thought... man.. this must be karma, I gave up on GB after only 5 months.. because he mentioned not wanting to settle down for another 3 -5 years. And I thought... fuck that.... I'm not waiting around THAT long for you. And now after exactly 5 months, my HK BF did the same to me.

He said that while he was away back in Hong Kong for that weekend, he didn't miss me enough. And to him, that meant he didn't feel as strongly as he should.. 5 months in. I honestly thought at that point, when he got back from HK, and was telling me all this... that he was making a mistake.

How can you be so sure in just 5 months??? It puzzled me. I knew he wanted to get married pretty soon (I think he was giving it a 6 month window to decide if I were the one).

Here I was thinking everything was fine, because he was calling me daily and still making plans for future events (dates/trips/parties) with me up to the point when he was in HK even. And then he comes back after being away for just 2 days, and says... "I'm not feeling it" ?!?!!

Bizarre. I rather have someone treat me shittily and then break up with me. At least that way, I see it coming. But the way he did it.. was like caressing a baby rabbit ever so gently... and then suddenly snap its neck! So bizarre.

But you know what? The mistake was waiting 5 months... if you have to wait and see if this person is for you... then they're not your pair. They're not.

You need to feel like - this is the person I want to be with for life.... right from the start. THEN and only then you work toward reaching marriage, and a future together.

You don't start out your relationship at a deficit... and then hope that after a series of tests, your chosen partner will suddenly appeal to you as a life partner. (That's what sparked my post - Did you know instantly she was the one you'd marry?)

What happened was that we were both in love with the idea of having each other as partners. He ticked some boxes, I ticked some boxes. Both not too shabby looking. We were also friends from before so we both knew that we were good people. So voila... A relationship was born!

But for a relationship to go the distance, I think there needs to be a big spark. No matter what you fairy tale bashing people have to say... I really do think there has to be magic! It's not a matter of being practical or realistic... cos no amount of practicality and logic will make things work out if the Heart doesn't skip a beat.

The starting point has to be that feeling inside you where you're so happy about having someone in your life, that you feel like you're going to burst. There will be ups and downs moving forward, for sure...... but the relationship should never be some balance sheet where you're checking what your partner has to offer, against your own assets... to see if you're getting the better deal or not.
We both could have a good laugh and chat, and we had similar tastes when it came to TV, and food, and humour. We never argued or disagreed. But that's not enough.

There was practically no chemistry. We were basically just good friends really. Plus, I didn't really feel like talking about him... on my blog or to my friends. And yes, my friends (and me) thought it was strange... I thought I was just "settled", and not in turmoil, hence I had not much to talk about when it came to my relationship with him.

But that's not right. I was just making excuses to feel that it was ok. In reality, if you love someone, you want to shout it out to the world. You keep thinking (and hence talking) about that person. (Until your blog readers start telling you to shut up already!! Always talking about him!!! ).

Another thing I didn't like about this last relationship was that I always felt judged. Like every possible situation felt like an exam. I understand that he was looking for a potential wife, so naturally, he was assessing and judging my every move. But it's absolutely no fun living like that. When I pass, yes, I am quite proud of myself. But of course there were many times where I failed too ... I am only human.

No man or woman should ever make you feel like that... like you're on probation and being tested all the time. And you should never subject someone you love to that sort of scrutiny.

Though... if you do, it probably means you don't love them anyway. You're just in love with some sort of concept or idea of love. But it isn't really love. It's a rut.

Don't get stuck in a rut. Be strong, claw your way out of it. Find your Happily Ever After. There is someone out there who is meant for you, but you will never find that person if you stay in a rut.

The Real Love- you will feel it in your gut. It will make your world spin. Your heart smile. Your eyes tear. It will feel so good.

X
HJ