Friday, May 27, 2011

No Longer In Limbo


I wanted to write a personal post today... but I just could not get down to it.

I think I am somewhat uninspired.

Even my own close female friends have commented that when I meet up with them, I will listen to their stories and talk about their experiences, but I don't talk about myself anymore. In the past, I'm usually the one with truck loads of "updates" and animated "you know what happened last week?!" recounts whenever I meet my girlfriends...

It's not that I haven't been doing much... my lifestyle is pretty much the same... I go out, I have fun, I still love my life.

I think I talk the most when I have problems (ok, I whine)... and I am the sort who will debate my problems and disect it out loud. I am not a private person when it comes to that sort of stuff.

But my relationship right now is pretty smooth sailing. Yeah, little hiccups here and there, but nothing monumental... no like red flags. But even in the past, when I had good relationship phases... I would be talking on and on about it... almost in a gloating way (I apologise for that) because I was just so happy.

I am not unhappy now. In fact, I feel really good about this match up with my BF. In a week or so, we would have been together 4 months. When I am on my own, and I think about my BF, it literally brings a smile to my face.

I spend one weekday night over at his place, I usually cook.[Last night I did a couple of the MOST horrendous steaks of my life. I won't but steaks from NTUC again. Such shitty cuts. ok, I digress...]

Then in the morning, we take the bus together to City Hall Mrt station, and I kiss him goodbye at the train station. I enjoy our once a week morning bus ride together. He goes to work while I sit on the eastbound train home to Pasir ris.

On the weekends, I go over to meet him on saturday afternoon, and we usually spend the whole time together watching movies, going to the gym, having hikes, eating out, and on the rare occassion that I have a meeting or work event to attend, he will go play squash, or run errands on his own (I try my best not to schedule any work on weekends).

Is my life starting to become mundane? Like where's the sweeping me off my feet moments? Where's the volatility? Where's the uncertainty?

I think we've pretty much settled into a comfort phase pretty quickly and early. Maybe because we already knew each other from before... this is not entirely a NEW relationship... so when we decided to be with each other, we kinda knew what each other had to offer and pretty much what our characters were like. So there's less of a discovery this time round.

Which is great, because I do trust him a lot and I do feel very comfortable and secure around him. But I think at this point, it's important not to start taking each other for granted... and fall into the trap of not making an effort simply because it seems that effort is not needed to make the other person love you.

Do you know what I mean? Or am I rambling?

--------------
Did you miss the Ultimate ettusais make over challenge held last Saturday? Here's my video clip of it...

14 comments:

  1. Lorraine7:58 pm

    "But I think at this point, it's important not to start taking each other for granted... and fall into the trap of not making an effort simply because it seems that effort is not needed to make the other person love you."


    No, you're not rambling. I think I'm going through an episode like this and honestly, it's getting to me a lot how I could very well be taken for granted. Thing is, it's a two-way street and I can't decide the other half of it for my other half. What can I do? It's breaking my heart.

    ReplyDelete
  2. There you go, it's a post :D

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous1:13 am

    Hey Holly, I know this is unrelated to your post, but I'd really love to see pictures taken with your new camera! Can you post some random pictures? Thanks! :) - Carol

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anonymous2:12 am

    Does your bf read your blog? Honestly I think once you're past the honeymoon phase... most relationships end up like this. Pretty routine and a tad mundane. From your past blog posts you did take some weekend trips with him and all... so I don't think its half as bad as u think it is! As for putting in effort... I feel even the simplest things/ gestures (eg. him taking an off day to bring u to Universal studios) do count! :) All the best in your relationship!

    ReplyDelete
  5. @anonymous 1.13 - the quality is hit n miss Cos I hv yet to get used to the settings. the pic of feet in this post was taken using the art filter. the ettusais make over event pixs were taken with my new camera indoors.

    pontian pics were with this camera, outdoors... except the ones in which I m carrying the camera in.... those were taken with my phone

    ReplyDelete
  6. @anonymous 2.12- oh. does it sound like I m unhappy with my rship??? no no, I m happy with it. this post was to say tht it's not a rship filled with drama( I talk most when fraught with problems )... and it's smooth sailing. there also hasn't been any big moments where I've been swept off My feet( girls like to b surprised sometimes, or at least just once... I guess)

    comfortable is good but just wondering if tht makes one's life boring?

    in no way m I saying my bf is boring or doesn't make any effort. :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Sherin8:52 pm

    sooo.... is it Skye? Is it? Is it! LOL!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Anonymous12:34 am

    hello Holly, I share totally the same sentiments with you. Just that it took almost 5 years for me and my bf to go into this "comfy" phase. And my r/s becomes so smooth sailing I have nothing much to "update" my girlfriends anymore, or I end up updating them about the same things while they stop feeling like sharing their stories with me because they feel theirs are too juicy and scandalous.

    it wont be boring as long as both of you make an effort (big or small) to keep the relationship fun and interesting! :D

    ReplyDelete
  9. Anonymous1:07 am

    You are so not rambling. Good that you realised this right from the start, really. I'm sooo guilty of what you just said, being comfy and contented, and we start getting routine...and take each other for granted.

    good thing is, you really can still do something about it HJ! <3

    Zhijun

    ReplyDelete
  10. Anonymous11:45 am

    hi Holly Jean! I have been with my boyfriend for more than 3 years now and we have little fights here and there but nothing major. Yes sometimes I find our relationship monotonous but if the both of you try to put effort on the little things in order to make your relationship interesting enough then its perfectly fine. It doesn't have to be exciting all the time because once you get married at least you know that the smallest things can and will make you happy. You can't keep on surprising each other all the time so try to enjoy the little things.

    By the way..may I know the french song that you used in the video? I found it very lovely..=)

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hi,


    I felt the same way too. I've been with my boyfriend for the past 3.5 years, and the thrill wore off after the first two years. He is by far the most stable man i've dated.


    It took some getting used to, and I used lament about how lack-of-drama the relationship was. No angst or insecurity over who might be cheating, no wondering if he loves me (he obviously does), no crazy ex girlfriends, no sneaky phone messages. And consequently, no yelling followed by making up and professes of undying love.

    Yes, its less dramatic.

    But it means so much more :) Who wants a man who professes his undying love, only to leave you at the alter (metaphorically). But that's pretty dramatic isn't it. Other friends I know have a whirlwind romance and end up marrying and divorcing the guy in quick succession.

    The important thing is, like you said, not to take each other for granted. But yep, i doubt that will happen since you guys are going on nice trips and don't live together yet...

    Keep things fresh that's what you need to do.

    Such stability is linked with honesty and trust.

    Remember those shitty men who used to think you were nothing but a bimbo, and those banker types who thought they were god's gift to women. Ha. Good riddance.

    You're at a better place now.

    ReplyDelete
  12. J'envoie Valser - by Zazie

    --------

    I am at a better place now. Yes. :)

    ReplyDelete
  13. Anonymous10:42 am

    Hi, did I miss the part 3 of how you both get together?

    ReplyDelete
  14. hmm.. no.. part 3 is on going... I wrote about part 3 (in the ending bit of the post which was talking about part 2)...

    we got back together this year,(in part 3)because we both felt there's still a chemistry between us and we haven't given it our best shot yet.



    :)

    ReplyDelete