Monday, December 20, 2010

Confusing Loving & Loving Confusing

So many of my friends are going through a tough time when it comes to relationships. Very tough. :(



I've had my own share of pain when it comes to love. But at least, I broke away from it all without baggage (emotional or otherwise)... the only thing I feel robbed of, perhaps, is my time.

But it's better to lose time on someone, and realise he's not the one for me and just pick up the pieces, move on to start again, rather than be stuck in a rut you cannot undo.

You have no idea what some of my friends are going through now. :( It makes me selfishly fear... will my life take that path too? But there are no guarantees, are there? Did my friends see it (the bad stuff) coming but they chose to ignore it until it was too late to turn back? Or were they completely blindsided?



I don't want to be with someone who will make me miserable. I've not come this far, and gone through this much, only to settle for less than what is good for me. :(



GB flew home late last week... so I'm not going to see him until next year (he's back on the 5th).


It's already been 4 days since he left, but I'm not feeling it yet. I think mainly because I've been so busy over the weekend, working.



He's always made it a point to say that he doesn't buy presents for anyone... family, girlfriend, friends. Never. He's not the romatic sort. And based on being with him for 3 months, and having him constantly mention that he's not the mushy romantic sort of guy and that he never thinks of sweet gestures for his girlfriend... and that I should not expect that from him.

(one of my guy friends who has known me a while even commented- Holly, u know how delicate you are. Will you be happy with a guy like that? - and his comment worried me slightly)




But despite that, there's so many things I love and enjoy about GB. So I was 100% psyched and prepared not to get a Christmas present from him, and not feel sad about it.

I prepared myself to not be disappointed that he's away from me for Christmas AND New Year, plus I wouldn't have any surprise pressie on Christmas morning (well, at least not from my own BF).



I got him a present, knowing that he might very well not appreciate it (he keeps saying he hates presents) and might even tell me off for wasting money...



But I think life has a way of being gentle on you when the going gets a bit tough, and life has a funny way of dropping little signs to tell you hold on to this one, he's special.


Before GB left for the airport, as he was packing his bag, I droppped his present in his luggage. Shocker number one - He wasn't mad at me for buying him a gift!!! He thanked me, and even bothered to ask if it was fragile and whether it required special packing.


Then, to my honest surprise, shocker number two- He opened the SHOE CABINET... and there was a box, wrapped so neatly in paper with pink hearts. :)

It's sitting on my make up table now. I don't care what is inside. I don't care if it's something that suits me or not. I just am so happy that he bothered to do something so sweet... and even bothered hide it (in the shoe cabinet... haha!! He even was clever enough to hide it in the cabinet which I never open cos all his office shoes... while the other cabinet has some of my shoes).

Plus, I know he wrapped it himself, he even proudly showed me the bits of wrapper left over from the roll! (makes me feel a bit guilty for doing a botch job wrapping his present!!)

When I look at this pink box full of hearts, I feel such a burst of happiness inside. And then I wonder, why am I so scared of this thing called love?


Is it because so many of my friends who are seemingly ahead of me (in terms of marriage, family, pregnancy, owning their own homes etc) are beginning to obviously falter? And I look at them and ask myself.. wtf? Is THAT what I've been striving for?


Or am I just different from everyone else, and I will find my own way to what I deem as happily ever after.... slowly... but surely (?).

I never used to be like this. I used to be the girl that fell madly in love in three seconds flat. Instead I have become the girl who sits here...slightly frightened at the prospect of what could be a great relationship, and possibly, my happily ever after.



Jesus, Holly.... ramble much?


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12 comments:

  1. I love it when guys break their rules/make exceptions for girls! It's so sweet! :) Don't worry. Try to think of yourself as an exception and not the rule. If you guys are on the same wavelength, everything will turn out fine.
    Good luck, HJ!

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  2. Anonymous3:39 pm

    holly! the happily ever after you are looking for, imo doesn't exist! courtship is the best it ever gets, with both parties on their best behaviour and actually making an effort. after that it goes downhill... i think you can guess i'm an unhappily married woman haha. sorry to discourage but sigh... i do feel it's the reality that an overwhelming majority of marriages aren't happy.

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  3. Anonymous5:48 pm

    Enjoy the best of courtship while you can Holly. Coz it really goes DOWNHILL after marriage, no matter how hard you try to make it work.
    Do you remember the guy who proposed to the gf at suntec in year 2003 in a "sea (stage) of roses"? Got married a year later in a lavish wedding but ended in divorce. Things change, people change. Love is transient.
    Sorry am not trying to dampen your mood here, cherish all the love and romance while it lasts!!!

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  4. Aiyo what a sea of pessimistic comments before me on marriage. I do agree that many marriages don't fare well these days but you can't discount them all, and it's really just trying to be the exception rather than the norm. If both parties are not willing to put in the effort of coz it's gonna go south. Problem is pple jump into marriage so easily w/o thinking of and discussing the issues that may come up beforehand.

    As for your situation HJ, probably GB is just trying to lower your expectations of him by telling u all those things, so that whatever simple thing he gives u after that, you're surprised and very happy. See... apparently it works... it's a clever trick employed by many men. I can't imagine any guy would actually not buy any present even for his own gf... it's a social norm... if there's such a guy he's probably single. Even a simple sincere self made gift would do, it's not about fanciful showy or expensive items.

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  5. @J - no no.. i dont think (on his part) it was done on purpose to lower my expectations.

    He's REALLY tht sort of guy.

    U know, my birthday.. he actually did not get me a present....I kept waiting the whole day and night.. thinking.. he was suddenly going to surprise me with a present.. BUT HE DID NOT.

    Then when I asked him (eventually..the day my birthday past), he said oh he doesnt buy anyone presents. If i want something, just ask and he will pay for it. but he doesn't like to go and buy surprises etc.

    !!!!!

    But, me being me.... a few days later, he wanted me to go to Hungary with him in the autumn, I just told evryone tht THAT was my birthday present.. when actually, he would have still taken me to Hungary in October, regardless of birthdays.

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  6. Anonymous9:33 pm

    hi, SO GLAD for you!!:) all the best in your r/s with GB! :) :)

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  7. Anonymous10:59 pm

    came across this online, food for thought:

    http://blackawfee.posterous.com/when-youre-out-there-looking-for-that-perfect

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  8. Holly Jean,

    Evry relationship is different.
    The chemistry between each man and women is unique, a one and only event.

    I hope that you may have the man of your dreams, and reality too!

    Missing him is not the same as living and loving someone for many years.

    Everyone benchmarks themselves against what friends have accomplished and so have you. Measuring your accomplishments or lack against friends who are married or at some other stage in life.

    HJ is right where she should be.

    BTW, why and how you celebrate Christmas is very important. Is this just a secular event marked only by giving and recieving gifts?

    Does Christmas have meaning to you beyond the decorations, and gift giving/recieving.

    For many sadly, commercialism, and materialism have diminished the origins and deeper signifigance of Christmas Day and the blessed season the is the Christmas Season.

    David

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  9. Anonymous11:38 pm

    David, well said! Totally agree!

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  10. Anonymous11:49 pm

    Hi HJ,

    Mind I ask you, what is GB's horoscope?

    on an off track note, would like you to give me some advises, if someone who you are not close with had commented that at your age of 31, your mindset doesn't seem to know alot of things, somemore said that in front of other people so everyone can hear, how would you counter attack and this person you have to see her everyday and you cant avoid her. TIA!

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  11. Anonymous2:36 am

    Very sweet gesture there. =)

    Go with the flow. Don't worry so much.

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  12. "I never used to be like this. I used to be the girl that fell madly in love in three seconds flat. Instead I have become the girl who sits here...slightly frightened at the prospect of what could be a great relationship, and possibly, my happily ever after."

    That's totally me. But I suppose all we can do is to choose carefully and anything beyond that, we can't really control it.

    ReplyDelete