Friday, July 09, 2010

This Time Baby I'll Be... Bullet Proof

The song bullet-proof has been playing in my head for a while now... it's catchy... I like it. I even put it on my MSN status - "This time baby I'll be Bullet Proof"

And I got tonnes of MSN msgs bleeping in yesterday evening, all of them asking : "Are you ok? What happened?"

To which I honestly responded- "Nothing happened, it's just a song."

(well, apart from one person, who sent me a message to say- "Isn't Bulletproof one word, not two? " to which I also honestly responded- "Hmmm...Don't know, don't care")

But now that I think about it... it's uncanny.. because it's not a song that just popped into my head... but it actually describes the way that I am now... the way that I have been this year.

Although I don't date and tell. I hardly talk about my dates on my blog actually. But the instances that I do share with you... must make you wonder how I can drop someone and just keep moving on.... unfazed.

I just think that if relationships which start out magical, where two people match and love each other... can end.... then what chance has a relationship which starts out less than perfect got??

This has made me look out for the deal breakers very early ( within the first date). And even when there are no apparent deal breakers... the next barrier is my zero tolerance for bullshit.

I've been guarding my heart so well this year that I really feel as if I have made it bullet-proof.


The truth is... I made myself Bullet-Proof because I am afraid of making a mistake... so I need to be really sure of someone before I start falling in love again.

It isn't as bad as you think.. I am not some hard unfeeling bitch... I don't think all men are shit... I want to want to be in a happy relationship... I want to find someone who will take that chance with me, I want to have someone special who will make me smile everytime I think of him. I want someone who is a good person and is not out to play some elaborate game. I want to find another me.

I am just looking out for myself and protecting my heart.

Maybe I'll find someone that will make me stop in my tracks and give love another shot... maybe I'll surprise myself because he might not even be perfect. Who knows? All I know is, no one can hurt me right now. I'm bullet proof.

13 comments:

  1. Anonymous9:36 am

    kudos to you holly! there is nothing wrong in having standards for yourself. So hold out until the right guy meets them! I think very few women understand the concept of standards and sell out - later finding themselves unhappy. Btw, you look GORGEOUS with that hairstyle you had for the iroo opening. So audrey hepburn! Cheers !

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  2. Anonymous12:49 pm

    It's an awesome song! :)

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  3. Celestina3:36 pm

    HJ
    I felt compel to give my 2 cents tot. Like yrself, i have several r/s that just didnt work out. Dont ever tink that im choosy or watever crap, ea time its either i meet a wolf in sheep skin who jus want free F or jus someone whom i cant rely on.

    Eventually, i too harden my heart so tat i wnt get hurt by men. That being said, it doesnt mean i dun date or nt giving myself any more chances. I jus cant tolerate another round of hurt anymore. But only to find out that result bad more than good for any potential r/s

    Cos we end up more uptight & often reservation in our feeling, worse still, i became less trusting towards guys.

    I was awaken & finally understood r/s doesnt work that way. No 1 wana be hurt but there is always a price to pay when things dun work out. Its like gambling

    Wat I can say is, open yr heart & follow yr instinct & at the same time observe te guy. If we fall, just pick ourself up again & again. Until u meet your Mr Rite : ) i'm still hunting too : p

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  4. Anonymous1:40 am

    Here I am Holly...lol
    No seriously...from a guy’s perspective, I am much the same.
    And I have wondered if I might not be setting the "bar" to high.
    Though in hindsight, having settled for “less” in the past had not brought me much happiness. So to conclude, I would say, there is no point in deceiving a lady when you realize rather early on that she’s not really your cup of green tea (just the way you like yours). I wish more people in this world would be more honest with themselves and their date or partner (what is the point of deceiving someone at the expense of your own future happiness? ultimately they would find out and that would hurt more), and people should not taking early rejection as negatively…it would save so much unhappiness and unfulfilled relationships from one day being potential divorces.

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  5. Anonymous1:40 am

    Here I am Holly...lol
    No seriously...from a guy’s perspective, I am much the same.
    And I have wondered if I might not be setting the "bar" to high.
    Though in hindsight, having settled for “less” in the past had not brought me much happiness. So to conclude, I would say, there is no point in deceiving a lady when you realize rather early on that she’s not really your cup of green tea (just the way you like yours). I wish more people in this world would be more honest with themselves and their date or partner (what is the point of deceiving someone at the expense of your own future happiness? ultimately they would find out and that would hurt more), and people should not taking early rejection as negatively…it would save so much unhappiness and unfulfilled relationships from one day being potential divorces.

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  6. Anonymous11:26 pm

    i hope you find the right man for yourself, where he is your whole world.

    And the day before you get married, I hope you catch him in bed fucking another girl.

    Because that's the kind of guy you deserve. Sometimes, it's not hard to figure out why no one wants you.

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  7. Anonymous12:52 am

    @ Anonymous 11:26 PM, July 10, 2010
    You have issues...
    Not everyones ideal life is one surounded by the smell of cat piss.
    Go back to your padded cell, and let the free people do as we please.

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  8. Anonymous1:38 am

    @Anonymous 12.52
    You're shielding a slut who recently admitted that she might consider fucking her friend just before his wedding night.

    The only one who should be in a padded cell is this slut.

    In all honesty HJ, I hope, from the bottom of my heart, that your husband cheats on you.

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  9. hmmm.. ok... in the future, I will be sure to be wary of this hex u have placed upon me.

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  10. Anonymous5:15 pm

    i like her barbie doll necklace!

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  11. First of in regards to some postings...
    any fool (as am i) can criticize, and most (fools) do
    As it's easy to pick one apart who shows their faults and failures so openly as Holly,
    but it takes a lot of courage to bare one's wounds for all to see. Especially because some will try to rub salt into your wounds just to see if you cringe.

    I find it somewhat curious that you (holly) would want somebody just like you, and perhaps i can explain why using my idiotic walking analogy...
    Why do you walk one leg in front of the other? Each taking turns leading and following, holding up then being held up. Why don't you walk with one leg spinning forward whilst the other peddles backward at the same time? (because you'll spin in place) Why don't you move both legs forward at the same time? (because you'll fall on your ass, or hop). And if one leg moves a lot faster, you will constantly turn the opposite direction of the stronger leg. The values (principles) we have dictate which way our leg peddles, the number of skills we have dictates how fast our leg can move, and the types of skills we have dictates the timing that our leg moves.

    Why don't people hop toward places, or spin toward places? because it is a taxing, slow, and dangerous way to move. Why would i want to have a clone of me when i can hop on one leg just fine. i would rather have someone else who is going the same direction as me and is strong where i am weak (to hold me up when i take a step forward), and that i can contribute my strengths to hold them up. Hopefully, able to slow or spin to maneuver around obstacles that arise. To me it's all about moving forward in the most productive way possible. It doesn't make much a difference when talking about the relationship of legs when walking or of people when dating. (Unless you're into polygamy then i'll have to find a new analogy)

    On that note perhaps this song is a little more fitting.
    (Oh JEEZ! another chore, listen to some stupid song somebody else likes)
    http://mp3bear.com/assemblage-23-alone-again

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  12. @W.. oh wow, you really take analogies to a whole different level! (actually very impressed with that one)

    some times the salt rubbing makes me cringe.. but very rarely. Usually, I can see sniff out feeble attempts to hurt me (sadly from people who don't even know me)from a mile away... so I am amused by some postings, and just take them light-heartedly.


    (anyway.. I am bullet proof.. remember?) :)


    P/s - that song better be gppd, going to go to that link now

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  13. Hi, Holly.
    I'm feeling quiet refreshed today, as i got 4 hours of sleep this morning. i decided 1 hour of rest every other day might not be enough... when i spent about 10 minutes looking for a belt i wanted to wear yesterday. Only to discover i couldn't find it because i was ALREADY Wearing it! yeah... but i digress. I don't see any problem with moving on from a relationship (date) quickly, Because the way i see it, far to many people today see dating as an ends in its self. I just don't see it as worth wasting time over people who are only seeking pleasure in the form of instant gratification. To me dates (relationships) are a means to an end. It's just like with money, what's the point of having more than 100 million $? Can't possibly spend that much, but to several business people money has become the ends, not a means to buy something else.

    As far as i can see it, you have had a lot of practice at dating, but i think it would be wise to bare in mind that (in contradiction to the common saying) practice does not perfect make. "Practice makes permanent" (not perfect). In regards to dating mostly being and ends only as a game to get to (usually sexual) gratification. It really makes me wonder if even adapting the method of dating can produce the desired ends. Because maybe dating is not the means to the desired ends at all. Trying to justify false action to get to desired effects always eventually ends the same. For the ends never justify the means, as the means is what creates the ends.

    When you say you are bullet proof, I just hope you mean in more metaphorically than me. Let's just say i have a very thick skull (obviously)... in more than one way, and it's good to know you have enough humility about you to laugh off irrational insults. (much better first reaction than vengeful and belligerent) can always undo laughing, but can't always undo revenge. I try to use the guideline of do first what can be undone later.

    PS- I was going to rant about bull shit, but then it dawned on me. nobody wants to hear my bullshit. :)

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