The Chinese zodiac does say that the year of the Tiger isn't good for Monkeys like me.
Dating has been just one mismatch after another... and when I did find that one person I liked very much, even that was shortlived as a deal breaker popped into the picture in the next few dates.
I am okay on my own , I get loads of work done too... which I suppose is one of the benefits of having time all to myself. But I really miss being in a relationship. I'm sure we all recognize that being with someone we love, especially one who loves us back, makes life so much better.
I like doing things to make my significant other smile and spending time with him and knowing that I'm his. Yes, that's a strange thing about me, I like feeling possessed.
I love the petnames, the cuddles, the holding hands, and the crazy feeling I get when I'm first falling in love with someone. (I just don't want to fall for someone who will take me for granted; who wants me only when they need me; and... well...who doesn't love me as much as I could love them.)
One of my peeves this year is how some people think that being single is a horrible tragedy. I hear them say "Don't Worry. You're pretty, you'll find someone".
When people say don't worry, it usually means that they think you should be worried (!) and hence they're trying to reassure you. And what has being pretty got to do with any of this??? That I should just be able to pick and choose?? HA! What a joke. I've got standards just like everyone! I don't want to settle for someone that's not right for me.
I am sick of hearing people tell me how I should behave so as to be more appealing to men. (Especially advice from Ye who cheats on your BF/GF, or Ye who is trapped in a living hell of a marriage).
I even had someone tell me that I should say that I am busy and turn down a few invites from a guy that I like because all men want what they can't have.
I don't want to feel like I should take two days to answer his e-mail when I can damn well answer it when it comes in. I want to reply a text message back immediately without looking like it's desperate. I don't want to pretend to be distant, when I actually like him. I don't want to have to be subjected to the hot-cold game.. where if you make yourself less keen, then suddenly he's interested... (hello buddy.. when I am no longer keen, it means I have moved on.. you missed the boat sucker. Now F-off)
I want to just be myself.. open and honest. I don't need people to tell me how I should be. Perhaps it would be mre useful for them to tell men how to be gentlemen.
You know, teach them those really hard life lessons like how to be Honest. Treat people with respect. Don't play selfish games. If you don't plan to be in a relationship or want commitment say so in the very beginning. Don't pretend to want the same things I do when you damn well know you're emotionally unavailable. And do me a favour and stop chasing me around!
If we date, call to check if I'm home safe if you don't send me home after the date. If you see me once every couple of weeks, you cannot expect that I am your girlfirend. Accept that I will keep my options open until we are a couple.(And know that once in a a couple, I am very committed). Don't ignore calls or SMSs.
I really don't understand this not replying of SMS thing... if my own brother can lift his fingers and jab a few buttons to reply my SMSs, I don't see why other men have any excuse not to. If you don't reply (I don't mean immediately, but anything more than 5 hours kinda tells me where I stand), I simply take it as "You Don't Want To Reply." And to that I say -Ok, Thank you, Byebye.Harsh?
Nay, not at all. I'm so sick of being single, I could spit! Yet I would rather be seethingly single than be with someone who won't treat me right.
-------------------
ok. Rant over. Thank you for listening. :)
oh my. I don't know why but I found this post very inspiring and empowering.
ReplyDeleteI am single too btw.
Cheers to you Holly!
Hi holly, I truly agreed with your this post. There are many find tons of excuses not to reply your sms and give many stupid excuses by treating you as a fool!! Sometimes they can take a day or half and still give their 'reasons'!
ReplyDeleteYes i agree..men should know how to treat us right.
ReplyDeleteI like this especially ' I want to reply a text message back immediately without looking like it's desperate. I don't want to have to be subjected to the hot-cold game..'
Good Luck!
hi, i feel compelled to write since i recently advised another fren on a similar matter.
ReplyDeleteDisclaimer first: im very much single for 3yrs, and would love nothing more than to get attached. But, we shouldnt be so obsessed w the end ie getting attached, than the means: e joy of liking someone, e flirting etc. E more obsessed u r abt e end, e less u enjoy e means, cos u r doing tings e wrong way, putting e cart in front of e horse.
My stand still stands: rather happily single than uncomfortably attached, which is a hi possibility when u rush into tings tt r nt meant to be.
Hy
couldn't agree more with you, holly! i'm so tired of those stupid rituals and "games"... life and relationships shouldn't be that comlicated! why can't everybody just be a little bit more straight-forward and say it like they mean it ...:( on the other hand, i've resorted to reading "all the rules" book and practicing it on the guy I'm currently dating, what can i say...it works. But more it works, the less i like the guy for being so easily manipulated...its a vicious circle, really!
ReplyDeleteif only I could like this post, I would!
ReplyDeletethough as an afterthought I find it pretty contradictory that you would start off stating that you're okay with being on your own then ending it with "i'm so sick of single I could spit!" lol
@kandee - cheers to u too girl!
ReplyDelete@anon6.14- I'm glad i am not the only girl who doesnt get her SMSs answered in a realistic time frame
@anon6.21 - thank u , i need it :)
HY- oh.. i see where u coming from. yes agreed. but i havent been seeing the "reationship" as the END. but i see it as the start
but yes. i agree. and i too would rather be single (and hence still am) than in a shit r'ship.
@anon10.08- yes .. the sad thing is it does work :( but i dont want to partake in it... i want someone to roll with it the same way i do.. i guess u know what i mean/feel.
@Debs- hey girl. Yeah.. i am ok being single... as in I have things to occupy me, and i still have a life beyond my last relationship. i'm not sat crying in a corner or anything...
but i am so sick of being single.. u know.. like a bad case of the grass is greener syndrome... and its frustrating.. becos this status is not entirely up to me... i can make myself ready for a relationship... yet i cannot be in one until te right one comes along. :(
Hey... seems that u have very healthy views on what makes a good r/s based on this post... good for u.. u shudn't let all the naysayers put u down. Esp the no mind games part... i totally agree. i think its gross when girls play games, and im a girl.
ReplyDeleteDo take heart... i was single for 10 whole mths before i finally found a guy too and he's the right one for me. sometimes it pays to wait a while.
half a year is nothing - compared to some people who have been single for years. Just listen to "can't hurry love" by Phil Collins.. its so true.. You really cant hurry love, you have to wait and when you do meet that someone - the wait will be all worthwhile.
ReplyDeleteBe by yourself for a while, give yourself some perspective.. you need to love to be by yourself before you can be with someone else. For even if you are in a relationship - you have to give that person space and being comfortable by yourself helps that.
Dont look for love - let it love look for you. Let love take its own course..
i was single for five years, only got attached last year, and engaged this year! timing is the key factor to meet the right one.
ReplyDeletei really know how u feeeeeel~~~ not sure if u can read this, in chinese, we call it 宁缺毋滥! translated directly as "rather lack of it than hv a rotten one"~ :D
p/s: I HATE PEOPLE WHO DUN REPLY SMS!!! All excuses when they don't reply~~~~~ lol. u r definitely not alone not understanding it. cos i dun get it too! so pissed off when tat happens.
Hi Holly,
ReplyDeleteThis is the firs
t time I'm leaving comments on your blog even though I've read it through from the oldest posts till now.
I can totally relate to how you feel and react towards guys in all your posts so far... And I would just like to say: please believe that you will find 'the One', you just have to keep looking.
I've been through the exact same stuff you've mentioned so far and I'm happy to say that I've finally found my One and Only!
You and your blog rocks, keep moving on girl! :)
Love,
J
Ever occurred that your scope of men is limited too narrowly to only date white men..they can be alluring but are the biggest heartbreakers too..you can't have your cake and eat it.in my opinion you choose to be single. Opportunities are abundant but you've narrowed your focus. It's a choice you made so live with it and not rant.
ReplyDeleteYeah.. i was single over a year b4 meeting mark. So i guess half a year is indeed nothing. But i still feel sick of it... in a sense tht its out of my control.
ReplyDeleteAt anon 3.16= my last 2 serious long term rships may have been white men.. but trust me when i say.. no one has a wider dating scope than me.
This past 6 months.. i have dated whites, chinese' one indian(sg), mostly older... but many only a few years older... and this time... one who's a year younger even!
Just cos i dont blog abt it (no man wld dare date me if i blogged abt every one i go out with... they would fear the lack of privacy).. well... doesnt mean it doesnt happen. :)
There is nothing wrong even if HJ only want to date white men. Days of SPGs or white men superior syndrome are long gone. To set the record straight, why can't one choose to date a certain race/ nationality just because he/she finds him/her more physically appealing or culture-wise more interesting (having the opposites of what we have)
ReplyDeleteI have had my fair share of dating both white men and chinese men. There are pros and cons and honestly the chinese ones are those who cheated on me/ big time liars, emotionally insecure and also very much MCP. The white men i have dated have also been big time spenders (chalking up unpaid bills, impractical, big time drinkers and behaving really badly after being drunk to the point of being abusive) There you go.
Its really about who you meet at the end of the day so stop giving HJ a hard time about white men or black men. Don't judge her..
HJ, being in limbo for now is hard, trying at times especially when you need somebody there. Its really all up to God's timing when the ONE will appear in your life. Meanwhile keep it up and continue to be discerning and you are absolutely right to stick to your own standards!
xxx
CY
Wow, there is a lot of anger inside that post. Perhaps it's an idea to deal with that first. As a very ordinary bloke it all comes across as all a bit passive aggressive - all clingy, then demanding. Blokes are simple creatures and that would be all too complicated which may explain why they withdraw. You may dismiss them as not up to standard but are you really starting out setting up to fail. I've seen you describe yourself as having a raving lunatic streak - perhaps the guys for whom you set such high standards may in return set equally high standards for you. Personally, raving lunacy is something I'm too keen on. If you're not prepared to compromise, don't expect anything less from others in relation to you, which brings me back to my initial comment on anger.
ReplyDeleteBest.
B
Hum.. Sounds like things aren't going quiet as planed there Holly. You may be a great Bull Dozer (leveler) of others (BS), but it seems like you haven't leveled yourself to the foundation yet. Ahh, the sound of frustration. Just take one step lower and you can hit solid bedrock to build from.
ReplyDeleteSounds like you're almost as sick of the dating BS as i was, don't call until x time... don't talk about x until... don't date people of x race or religion... "It's all bull shit, and it's bad for you" (George Carlin)
Just as a point of reference, One can only date (get into a relationship with) the type of people they associate with. ("JEEZ, so enlightening" you can only date people you meet.) Where i am trying to go on this subject is how most people find their spouses. Most people meet through Work, social networking (church, internet, school), family and friends (prearranged), hobbies, and finally random chance. For instance it seems like you met Mark as a random chance, and maybe you need to change your plans to make that kind of relationship a little less random.
As i see it, you (Holly) are in the entertainment business. Meaning your work (possibly hobby too) is social networking. So would i be wrong to conclude most of your dating history could derive from some strange relation to your work? As i see it entertainment business has some problems especially in regards to dating.
To me entertainment means gratification business, can be mental, audio, visual, aromatic, culinary, physical (massage to prostitute) or combinations of. The problem with dating people involved in the entertainment business is that they are often of a like personality (shallow) if they choose that line of work. If somebody is in a business designed to get the quickest easiest and greatest measure of gratification, then they will often take life and dating as the same. Not saying that people can not want more than that in the entertainment business, it's just a basis of the norm. It's like saying if you want a banana to eat it's probably not the wisest idea to look in the desert for a banana tree. Not to say there can't be a banana tree in the desert, it's just not nearly as likely as in a rain forest. (wow, i was able to get a dating comparison and sexual innuendo in one analogy)
Or if that one doesn't float yer boat, how about "like trying to find a virgin in a brothel"? (we get the point all ready!)
I think you may be more in the entertainment business not so much that you live and die on how popular you are, but rather that it is one of the least political (bull shit) jobs out there.
Maybe the reason why you only seem to bull doze garbage is because you're in a garbage dump. like you say, play with shit smell like shit or Birds of a feather fly together. "Hang with playgirls, attract playboys." How much random phone number dialing do you want to do when trying to call someone? To me your dating plan makes as much sense as this way of calling people.
I'll see if i can't dig out a phone book somewhere...
PS: what the heck is SMS? (is that a sign i wont return them either?)
Hello holly, i completely empathise with you. I have been single for 4 years now. Funny thing is im a serial dater and have been dating ALOT in the last for years, except with men who play games that you mentioned in the post. Huge waste of time and energy and emotions to say the least.
ReplyDeleteHowever, i have just met someone i really like recently and even tho we have just been on a few dates, it feels like i've known him longer; call each other whenever without having to play those silly games. It's nice to meet a man who isn't afraid of commitment, they truly are a dying breed!
Agree with anon 12:24 entirely.
ReplyDeleteReading the last few paragraphs in isolation, there's a major rant going on. Very angry sounding.
As a rule, men need their space. Suffocation is a major turn off.
By setting the bar really high, then switching quickly to being clingy, I think most men would think WTF. And then walk away.
Have you ever thought of dating a young men, (etc. 19 yo) ?
ReplyDeleteHJ,
ReplyDeleteBeing single is not the worse condition to be in.
Your lonleiness is expected, as humans we want and need affection.
However you are far better off in relationships that do not last, and do not damage you.
Take time to reflect on past relations for lessons learned.
Such knowledge will help you in the future.
I wish you well, and in time you will have the friendship, compionship and love that everyone seeks.
David
HJ, I found the post to be quite contradictory. Let's jump to the part where you mentioned you hated ppl who think being single is a 'tragedy'. Well guess what? Your post said it all. Ppl see it that way cos most paint a picture of that. Cmon lots of your posts contains your whines and issues of being single. Now ya saying you hated it when p took pity on u?? Cos you paint yourself a victim hun.
ReplyDeleteI never thought being single is a horrid thing. I'm currently attached but I've my single moments too. Whenever I meet a new person n he/she tells me he/she's single, the words,'That's nice' automatically springs out from my mouth. Because i mean it.
Being single is not horrid dear but seems to me ya always associating it with something negative. Before you expect others to change their opinion, you need to genuinely believe that IT IS INDEED not a 'horrible tragedy' as you put it.
HJ, I truly emphasize. Can't stand games in relationships and I don't see why anyone has to play them. Taking days or hours to respond to emails or SMSs are weird especially when almost everyone is attached to their blackberry or iphone these days. Singlehood is great, you take the time to date and see who really fits...but sometimes we all need a rant or two to keep sane! Don't despair!
ReplyDeleteThis is such a great resource that you are providing and you give it away for free. I enjoy seeing websites that understand the value of providing a prime resource for free. I truly loved reading your post. Thanks!
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ReplyDelete