Just A Thought

This isn't triggered by any recent setback or anything... but it's just a thought I'd like to put out here.
Is it just me? Or do Girls always get soppy and want to give so much of themselves in a relationship?
Like “Here babe, finish my drink. Eat the rest of this yummy chocolate bar. Take my virginity.”

And what do we want in exchange? Erm... how about your fucking t-shirt to sleep in?

What kind of bartering system is that?

And many men take advantage of that, “Here’s a sock. I’ll take sex, a back rub, your company when I feel like it, otherwise I will not answer your calls or messages when I don't need you. But the sock smells like me so it’s an even trade.”
What do you think? Do girls give more than men? And do men take advantage of this?
Meanwhile... last night, I had steamboat with mom, dad and wesley. I am usually not a big fan of steamboat. (That hasn't changed)

I always get all bossy and huffy at the table. I hate it when people chuck things on the hot plate and then don't intend to eat it, or just let it burn. Who the hell is supposed to eat this big lump of beef??? Don't cook things you don't want to eat!! Don't mix the uncook with the half cooked and the almost fully cooked!!!
But as I get older, I am better tempered at the steamboat table. I just eat what I want to and pretend I cannot see the rest of the mess everyone is making. ( I have a system, and it's a damn good one, but I should not expect everyone to be like me. Boo!)

Look!! This is what I wanted to show you. Damn cute right? This is my first time seeing this piglet looking thing.
Sooo cute. But just tastes like fishball.
My throat is sore now.. ( I think I had too much off the hotplate)... and my tummy hurts ( I know it's beause everyone kept throwing raw meat in with the cooked ones! But it's ok, I am happy just to be able to have family time together, especially while my brother is still in Singapore)


  1. Anonymous2:11 am

    Hi HJ!
    Got to agree with you on the unfair bartering system, but I guess this is the balance of things? It really depends what each party wants out of the r/s.
    Guys who give in too much would be seen as weak and girls who give lesser would be seen as bossy/demanding?
    Perhaps this is not how it should be but everyone's too comfortable (or just lazy) to change the way of things as well.

  2. Anonymous3:19 pm

    My ex-bf is exactly like you posted. No messages/calls unless I initiate it first.

    But well, not all guys are like that. My last one was one helluva rich guy to that he thinks he's the king.

  3. Anonymous4:05 pm

    U know what? Ur expectations when it comes to steamboat is like my mum's! We seldom have steamboat but when we do, she gets all uptight and things get tense at the table. Loosen up when eating steamboat because the fun lies in cooking.

  4. i think its a matter of finding someone who's willing to give at least 50%, if not more. my ex was only taking 90% of the time... no joke. life was a misery yet i deluded myself into thinking i was happy. i guess a r/s wont really exist if its too unbalanced... prob 60 40 is still tolerable.

  5. Anonymous10:12 pm

    i totally agree with you.. i myself have been through that (and only realized it on hindsight) and MANY of my friends are going through it too (they don't realize it of course). girls just LOVE to give. once they're in it, they give it a 110%. guys are just in it for the ride.

    okay, that is just my observation too though. there ARE some guys out there (a FEW) who put in as much effort but majority of them don't usually. not trying to bash guys here but UGH, it's so unfair!


  6. hi Holly Jean
    it is a perspective thing - the girl gives more, but if she does it willingly who can we blame; I know of males who gives more in relationships.
    Again in perspective, she is a willing party in bed. cant blame the guy if she is too easily "accessible". I believe it is the girl's responsibility to guard herself, and make choices wisely. Making choices also means she stands by them and take responsibility for them. She should be able to discern if a male is too "risky".

    my husband gives more in the relationship. I thank God. =)


  7. @Emily - Oh.. ur lucky :)

    @pk- I know what u mean!

    @J - yes a balance is necessary.. i have always found that r'ships tht start off askew rarely last. But then again, the balance changes through different phases of the r'ship too I find.

    @anon4.05- I know i shld lighten up abt this bossy steamboat habit lol. EVen when I used to go to seoul garden with Mark, he won't even touch the pan, he lets me do everything lol. Which he prefers anyway cos he doesn't like cooking. Then once when he joined my family for steamboat... my mom asked him why he doesn't want to join in the cooking, then he laughed and said "Nooo.. holly wont let me". haha..

    ur mom can be my steamboat best friend! haha.. i get uptight too when people "anyhow" cook. lol... but i am getting less anal about it now la.

    anon3.19- glad he's an ex. everyone deserves better than that.

    anon2.11- so true :(

  8. Anonymous1:18 pm

    That funny fishcake thing? They are called Naruto.

  9. Perhaps i can play a little devils advocate.
    So you can take what i write with a grain of salt.
    Ironically the way you see this bartering that may make you feel like a push over, may seem to some men like you're bossy.
    Just like the steamboat thing, who the hell is supposed to eat this big lump of beef, and here babe finish my drink.

    For the mens thoughts. "Oh, JEEZ, i go to work today to make money to buy something she decides she doesn't even want to eat/drink! well can't waste it so i better finish it. I have to finish everything! Now i got to do 50 more sit ups tonight, or if the guy doesn't exercise, now i got to sit in front of the TV with my gut out for 50 more minutes." (hum, i wonder if somebody might not find that last one so funny)
    Most men value money highly, As the old saying goes, 2 types of men who don't value money, those with to much (never worked for it, inherited) and those with not enough (never worked for it, homeless). The male mindset to relationships often works as such, I take care of the money she takes care of the house. Isn't it enough that i work all day to make money for her? In a sense it's like i already gave her 8 hours of my time today. How much more time to I have to work for her to get a hot meal, cold drink, clean bed, back rub, and a BJ? This traditional line of thought may have been just fine even 50 years ago, but there is something that is making this philosophy fail to work, when women do.

    Working, independent, secure women that don't need a man for money changes things. Because that means the woman brings much more to the relationship then most men. But it definitely swings both ways, for instance i have a good friend in a marriage and he is the one that works, cooks, cleans, gets groceries, and takes care of the kids, and his wife contributes trying to look good. Although I will admit that I think it is more far more common for women to give more, but the way i see it, is that one who brings disproportionately more skills into the relationship will end up getting less out of the relationship. It's like having one leg that moves twice as fast as the other, causing one to end up walking in a circle.

  10. Hey W

    u make some extremely valid points. ( and thank you for the random bits of chuckle too!)

    u know.. i never looked at it tht way - tht a man wld spend 8 hrs at work.. and think tht 8 hrs is part of his time given towards the relationship ( it sure does explain a lot of things!)

    I like the analogy of one leg walking faster than the other. (might use tht some time!)


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