Wednesday, July 28, 2010

La Cuenta Por Favor!

Someone recently said (when we were talking about chicken rice) "I bet you don't eat the skin."

On the contrary, I often have the urge to devour ONLY the skin. The key... is portion control... well, I am so used to small portions by now that it's no longer an issue of 'control'.. it's a norm.

Anyway... had some GOOOOOD foie gras last week.
At Bistro Du Vin. It's part of The Les Amis Group. I love French food... petite portions but with emphasis on flavour .. is how I like my food. (Though I am also craving my rude messy paella and gambas pil pil...but I no longer have my earthen ware pot that I wrapped gingerly in my laundry and brought back from Spain. It's in my old kitchen, now Mark's .  I must get new earthenware... I miss tapas!)

This is what a lonely girl does when trying to take a picture of herself. (wow.. damn sad poignant moment.. yet I find it funny, so I just had to include this bad pic in this post. lol)

As far as pieces of foie gras go, this was a huge piece. As usual, I only have starter and then a dessert. No main, and no alcohol, just still water. Portion Control! And no carbs of course!

Creme Bruleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

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Today I thought of discussing the status quo when it comes to footing bills on dates. What is the standard operating procedure?

I was speaking to my old friend Dr D in Perth, over the weekend, and he said whoever did the asking/inviting should do the paying. I didn't know that!!! ?

There was a time (sit down for this) when women were totally financially dependent on men. [By the way, I like this concept... I really would not mind donning an apron and taking care of the kids, running the household and entertaining dinner guests ... ). Maybe if the world were still like that, there wouldn't be so many obese kids, or rude kids or broken homes out there. I digress.

Well, anyway, fast forward to present day... women are now major moneymakers. We and men are equal participants in the working world, so shouldn't we also be equal participants in financing the dating world as well? Why is it then that men are generally expected to pay for dates?

I don't know if some women out there will find this next piece of news irksome or insulting... but I learnt on the Discovery Channel that as the (potential) child-bearers, women have a subconscious/natural need to be protected. They look to men for this protection, and in the modern society today, this protection is financial.

I've had some guys who insist on picking up the bill most of the time, and I would sometimes feel guilty. But I think that women shouldn't feel guilty; if the guy is offering to pay (and sounds sincere), it may just be his way of showing that he can and wants to take care of you. Overly insiting he not pay is kind of like a guy giving you a present, and then you giving it back.

I would reciprocate by buying him little surprises, doing something sweet or preactical (like booking the Gold Class Movie tickets) or cooking for them.
I have had one guy (years ago), let's call him Mr Ancient history, who asked to split the bill (wasn't an expensive meal), which i found very off putting, so I paid for the whole meal (instead of splitting like a $28.39 dollar bill!!). Now, I don't even remember his face.

More recently, lets call him Mr Recent history, who earns at least 5 times more than me (not exaggerating), after dinner at a restaurant... Cafe Cartel standard... I'm not talking Les Amis here....(and even if it were.. I would hardly send one to the poor house! I generally don't eat a main and I don't drink alcohol etc!) when the bill came, he gestured the waitress towards me. And then jokingly said that it was my turn.

[P/S- that was the evening I had just come from the doctor who found the lump in my left breast and told me to get a scan! So... talk about icing on the cake of Suckiness! By the way u can read about the scan here)

Of course, as I reached for the bill, (looking appalled, no doubt) he said that he was only joking. But I kind of felt that he wasn't really joking, and was just embarrassed by his cheap gesture. So I insisted on paying for it.

But what a major turn off. Is it just me being hard to please? Or is there some truth to what I picked up from the Discovery Channel?? Do I gauge a man's attractiveness based on how he can provide for me?

I do find it an attractive trait when guys pay for dates and seem happy to do so. It makes it seem like they are serious about me. That said, if I don't like a guy much or am unsure about the future relationship potential, I try to never let him pay for me because I don't want to be indebted or feel like I am using him. It's kind of a relationship status check for me I guess.
What about you? Who do you think should foot the bill on a date?


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Update: I am feeling better, not so sick.
And if there's ever a woman who has more outfits than she does days in her life to wear them... that might be me! This is what came for me today alone.
But I'm not complaning I love being a clothes horse! :0) This loot was from ClubCouture , PaperPolly & Urbanalised. Will show you my fav outfits when I get a chance to wear them.

24 comments:

  1. heorsheshallpay9:33 pm

    I would appreciate if a guy i went out with pay for the food bill. If we went shopping afterwhich, of course i pay on my own or if he is my bf, he wants to buy me some sweet stuffs, i would gladly accepted.

    My ex used to pay for everything when we went out together and so my other guy friend ask me about this issues, he straight away judged our relationships is based on money only, no genuine feelings are involved.

    I was dumbfounded, thus i ask him , why cant a bf pay for gf? It's not like alot of money, he just replied, it's not as though we are married, we are just dating, i will pay for my wife but not gf.

    He is still single now.

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  2. Personally, I think guys should pay on the first few dates (during the "pursuing phase")But I wouldn't expect the guy to pay and to split the bill would probably be better once we are in a relationship. Unless he earns like 10times more than what I earn (that is a whole different story)

    And for your case, Mr Recent History is just CHEAP.

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  3. Well, i think that wasn't a very pleasant thing for the guy to do. It may be unintentional and a joke but it was definitely not cool. He put you in a situation that you can't do anything but pay for it.

    I think everyone should pay for their own meals but if it's a first time date, it will be nice for the guy to pay. I really respect a girl if she will volunteer to pay for her own mean. Don't get me wrong, i'll still foot the bill but i'll definitely think better of the person. Call me cheap but there are times a couple of the ladies ask to meet for lunch (it's not a date) but i still end up paying for it. It sound very much like they have no money for lunch so i'm just a phonecall away. So the thing is, if i'm going out for a meal with a bunch of people who happen to be females, am i to pay for everyone?

    Woah, that's a lot of grievances lol

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  4. Anonymous10:03 pm

    We can't always expect the guys to foot the bill, now can we? (:
    There will be times where going dutch would be acceptable or saying something like, "desserts on me" after he spends on main course. I do sometimes feel guilty spending his money, knowing full well that I can pay for it myself so giving him treats in a non-monetary form is one way to go, definitely(:
    And yes, it is a turn on when guys foot the bill. hee.

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  5. I strongly believe that the guy should pay for the bill. . .. I believe I am speaking for the majority of the female population when I say this.

    what Mr Ancient History did was wayyyy uncool and off-putting.

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  6. girl with the coffee addiciton...still7:53 am

    When my bf and I were first dating, he paid for the bill for our first date, then I asked him out for the next date and I paid the bill. I think your Dr D friend is right...that's what I believe, anyway - whoever asks the other person out for the date pays.
    Now that my bf and I have been together for a year, we take turns to shout each other when we go out, or we split the bill, which is completely fine by me because we're both poor uni students.

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  7. Anonymous8:09 am

    if i may ask, why is it you believe that? is the man not worth your hard earned dollars as you are worth his?

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  8. @ heorsheshallpay

    Haha.. I LOVE how u ended ur comment with just one simple line- He is still single now.

    classic! :)

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    @Adeline- yeah i agree the guy shld pay for the first few dates when wooing the girl.. but i don't like the idea of splitting the bill.. i wld prefer if I just gave him a treat and say "this one is on me" every few dates or so.

    Spliting bills is something i only do with friends, and when I was a teenager and my dates were poor. :(

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    @Kuen Keat - Oh gosh! No! Never feel obligated to pay for a GROUP of girls who are friends. they shld cough up their share and insist on paying for themselves even if u seem willing to foot the bill.

    (otherwise I think they're just using u . dont be a sucker!)
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    @anon10.03- yes, i agree with desserts on me bit. good line. :)

    (but not the dutch bit)

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    @Deb- I am so glad ppl aren't in here saying - Oh HJ, this is 2010.. pay your own meal and dont expect ur date to pay u cheap whore. Lol. at least i know I am with the majority (of women)

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  9. I'm no longer the sucker!! lol Now i pick my friends carefully. I rather spend it on the friends that are worth it :))

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  10. Hey Holly,

    I believe the rule of thumb should be that the person that suggested the venue/date should be the person that foots the bill. =)

    However, as with any relationship (be it with dates or platonic friends),it should be comfortable enough that at the end of the day, it should't be that big a deal who foots the bill, should it? What matters is that all parties involved had fun?

    Cheers!

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  11. Anonymous4:51 pm

    Personally, on the first date, if I like the guy, I would like him to pay. Doesn't mean that I'd expect him to pay for consequent dates!

    However, if I wasn't interested in the guy, I would insist on splitting the bill 50-50.

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  12. Anonymous10:02 pm

    Deb and Holly are wrong on this, and Kuen Keat is right.

    Just because men can or will pay, doesn't mean women should always accept.

    A decent bloke will always offer, but a strong, independent woman will have enough common sense to know when being a team player is more important than "feeling protected".

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  13. Anonymous11:11 pm

    It is attractive when a guy pays, because it means he is generous and has the means to pay (hopefully!). Most women like men who are financially secure.

    However I always offer to go dutch on first dates and subsquent dates. So if the guy insists on paying, I'll let him. Definitely making a good impression.

    There is such thing as sexual equality, and then there's also chivalry and generosity..of course ladies can also treat guys etc. Reciprosity, right?

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  14. Hi Anonymous,

    People like being pampered. As long as both feel right about who is paying, it's absolutely fine. There are times you can feel it, the other party is taking advantage.

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  15. When a man pays for my meals, I feel it's right (as in natural, since my dad has always paid for everything). Generosity is something I look for in a partner.

    If the guy doesn't even want to pay for your food (basic need), that says something about his interest level/character. - IMO

    I met a guy who insisted on paying for all my meals, he's my husband now.

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  16. Anonymous11:24 am

    @ slegna

    Oh my god, are you for real?

    You honestly see meals out at a restaurant as "a basic need"???

    Everyone's entitled to their opinion, but do you really think that all men should pay for all meals out all the time??

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  17. girl with the chocolate craving2:09 pm

    Oh my god, I can't stop staring at the creme brulee. It looks like it gives a nice ol' crack!

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  18. it DID!

    :) and it was only abt $8. which is quite cheap IMHO for a les amis standard dessert

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  19. girl with the chocolate craving3:34 pm

    Shit, $8!! Yummers! I went to a house party recently where the hostess with the mostess made a giant creme brulee for the guests..mmmmmmmm...

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  20. My ex boyf once said to me, don't take a girl out if you can't afford to.

    I usually pay or go halves if I like the guy and/or think he is worth it.

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  21. I think i got my viewpoint on this subject from my grandfather. You see, my grandfather always had to pay for dinner when he went out. He said it was because "When there is a need, then I should provide", and people need to eat (maybe not the meal provided, but you get the point). If anybody else ever got the bill he would get the most distraught look on his face. So... naturally, it turned into a family game to tease him, which then turned into a competition to get the bill instead. I know it probably sounds weird because many families fight over who gets stuck with the bill, ours fights over who got the privilege to pay it.
    Some may be saying, "oh i want to be your friend, buy all my meals." Yes i even have many friends who said that at first. but after a while they started getting irritated and would be like "dang it, quit paying!" =). So they all ganged up on me and started trying to get the bill before i could pay for it. (ha-ha very funny...) Then they would get a good laugh in when i shoot them an "eat shit and die!" look for getting the bill. Now it's turned into an all out competition when we go out to eat to see who can get the bill. I had to step up my game to create new tactics to get the bill first. Like pretend to go to the bathroom and stop the wait staff to pay before the bill comes. HAHAHA.

    As far as dating once on a first date, the girl paid for me (when i was trying to pay), and of course i shot the cashier the most wilting scowl i could muster for taking her money instead of mine. As that was MORTIFYINGLY embarrassing to me for two points, #1 bad) that i didn't pay for her, #2 TERRIBLE) she paid for me. It was just a few $, but it's the principle. FYI to ladies, (at least to my opinion) if you don't want a second date then pay for the first one(that may have the opposite effect on very shallow boys). Personally i think i should pay for everyone i go out with (By no means am i rich, and maybe i'm just being selfish), but for others I think the guy should pay for the first date(s), and on a later date it would be a good gesture for the lady to offer to pay only for herself. (but not demand to pay).

    Certainly it is an option to play all these games, or just just ask the other person's views on it and discuss your reasonings to find out if their expectations are acceptable to yours. (Jeez, [are you stupid?] that's completely contradictory to dating because that would require sincerity and no mind games)

    PS. Why did i post all this when i could have simply put the previous sentence and got the same point across? =)

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  22. Hey again ...

    I do understand and do categorise Food as a basic need. (It's not like you're expecting him to buy a Gucci purse and then calling it a basic need).

    when I am out with my girlfriends (esp my Best friend F .. who incidentally will be here in end Sept!).. i also don't minds paying the bill and think nothing of it.

    In fact with F, we always try to beat each other to pay the bill! I usually get my way by raising my voice slightly.. and saying things like- If u dont let me pay this time... I'm never going out with you again. (which is a silly empty threat .. now tht i see it typed out!)

    it's not a matter of pride. It's more a matter of me wanting to pay for her (and vice versa for her i guess).

    So W, I know how u feel with regards to WANTING to pay yhe bill... perhaps its the same thing as when I want to pay for my best friend.

    ok this is probably off tangent, but I want to share it anyway...

    Someone I am going out with (had a few dates) we went to the food court to grab lunch. I queued at the duck noodles, and he stood behind me. I asked him what he was having and he said, Dim Sum (tht's a diff stall). So I said.. "oh Ok.. go get it, you dont have to wait for me"

    But he insisted on waiting behind me, and when I got to the front of the queue and ordered, HE PAID FOR IT!!! (I was totally not expecting it.. and it's like only $4 or something..) BUT THE GESTURE!!!! I felt "taken care of".

    So when a potential partner/partner pays for me, it's not like I am thinking.. WHoo Hoo I saved four bucks... but I just feel tht he would make a good partner/husband/provider.

    It also shows tht's he's not stingy towards me (u don't have to be rich, but stingy men are extreme turn offs).

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  23. Anonymous9:40 am

    ^

    your desperate need to feel 'taken care of' is one of the key things stopping you being the independent woman you pretend to be.

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  24. erm I kind of wish I knew who I'm replying to, but yes, if you studied, food is a basic need...

    well, anyone who has common sense will understand my comment.

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