Sunday, June 27, 2010

Date A Mormon?

My friend is dating a mormon. Pardon my ignorance... but I didn't realise there were that many of them in the first place... what are the odds of dating one in Singapore?!

Plus.. as part of my politically incorrect repertoire, I always used to kid (when in the company of close friends only)... like if someone does something remotely prudish, I would quip, "What are you? Mormon?"... haha... but since she has been dating one, I have been mindful about using that one.

In the past, when my friends displayed any stingyness with money, I would scream "Stop that, you Jew." And then I ended up loving a Jewish man for almost 2 years. haha. (He was far from singy though)

By the way, don't start lynching me for these comments ok.. lighten up. I chuckle when my friends joke about Catholic priests and alterboys... I don't go all indignant.

She was saying that he's a practising mormon.. so that mean no sex until marriage. Which I think it commendable. It's supposed to be a Catholic thing too.. but erm... I think with mormons, it's a much bigger deal than a couple of confessions.

If they have pre marital sex, he will have to tell the bishop, and then he will be punished either by being put under probation, or he will be kicked out of the church. Which kind of shocked me.

But she's sad now, because the mormon community is pressuring him to leave her because she is not mormon. And that he wants a Temple Marriage. But she is agnostic.

So last night, I started googling it and you know what I found out? If a mormon marries a non mormon, they cannot get married in the mormon temple. AND any marriage not done in the temple is considered second class. (excuse me?)

Typically, for us normal people, marriage is 'till death do us part' right? but for mormons, marriages in the mormon temple will hold in the afterlife as well. In their Celestial Heaven.

AND if she converts and they do get married in the proper Mormon way... none of her family and friends can attend her wedding because they are not mormon and are not allowed in the temple.

.... just have he own chinese wedding or church wedding after, no problem , you say? Well, it's NOT ALLOWED.

Not allowed??!!! Am I the only one here going WTF? It feels uncomfortably cult-like to me... :(

Imagine if I were to date a Mormon man and be madly in love... and then want to marry him. I can just about manage the no pre-marital sex thing.... but I think the Mormon community will stone me when they find out that I am a contrubuting editor for a sex column!

But does that make me a bad person? How is that fair? You know? Like how come my God and their God ( which is supposed to be the same one) judge me differently (not just me, but all people)? Isn't that just the work of people, really?

This is not a religious debate here... I think everyone is entitled to their beliefs. But why does religion sometimes contradict itself? And... isn't it a shame that it dictates who you can or cannot love?

16 comments:

  1. Anonymous12:09 pm

    you are confusing religion with the institution of religion.

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  2. Anonymous12:16 pm

    Well said, Holly.

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  3. Anonymous12:16 pm

    Well said, Holly.

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  4. Anonymous2:12 pm

    hiiiii. i'm a reader here and a Mormon too. no offense but there are several things in this blog post that need to be clarified about the Mormon faith

    1) Firstly, if you have pre martial sex, you definitely wont get kicked out of the church. punished is a really strong word btw, it makes us sound really authoritarian which we are not ):

    2) We dont consider marriage not done in the temple second class. As we believe in eternal salvation, we encourage people to get married in the temple we dont condemn you if you dont.

    3) We are allowed to have a wedding in church, chinese restaurant, what have you...and yes you can invite as many people as you want

    so yeah just a few things that i felt needed to be clarified. haha

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  5. Anonymous2:44 pm

    Like many social issues in the USA there is a south park episode about Mormons too.

    http://www.iwatchsouthpark.com/season7/episode12-all-about-the-mormons/

    http://megavideo.com/?v=OXGA5OYZ

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  6. girl in the white hoodie5:23 pm

    For a brief moment, I read it as "my friend is dating a MORON"

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  7. Anonymous9:00 pm

    Catholic church doesn't allow non-Catholics to get married in their churches too. I won't be able to marry my Catholic boyfriend in a Catholic church. Unless I go for some time-wasting course. Argh. in the name for love.

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  8. @anon2.12-
    1) you won't get extricated from the mormon church if you engage in premarital sex?

    So I can keep sleeping with my BF even though we arent married yet and still be considered a mormon and be accepted as one?

    2) Ok. I got it now.

    3) Yeah? thats pretty good news. then my friend can have her own church wedding, and do the mormon one to please him. But i did read taht the church wedding or whatever other non mormon ceremonies has to be done minimum a year BEFORE the actual mormon wedding? you cannot have it the other way round nor can you have them like just a week apart or soemthing?

    ----------------

    @anon9pm- no... catholics CAN marry non-catholics in churhces. Just tht the non-catholic cannot receive communion ( which you wouldnt want to receive anyway as it's only symbolic and serves no purpose if you dont believe in the faith).

    But we certainly dont Bar your non catholic family and friends from the wedding ceremony.

    the time wasting course you are talking about.. is it the marriage prep course? my friend did it in one weekend... IMHO it's not too big a sacrifice for the one you love. and you def dont have to convert. :) good luck with the wedding

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  9. Anonymous3:18 am

    Oh maybe it's different here in the UK. Cuz in the UK, i can't get married in the Catholic church if I am not Catholic. Yeah, i know no need to convert but I don't think it's the marriage prep course.... its something else... not too sure. My boyfriend's dad had to take the course so that he could marry his mum in a Catholic church too... I guess it's stricter in the UK than in Singapore.
    Haha no wedding yet. we are still students. And we are just about the embark on a long-distance relationship. Gah.

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  10. Anonymous8:30 am

    It sounds strange because it IS a cult. Their teachings are flawed and erroneous. Read this article http://www.biblebelievers.com/jmelton/Mormons.html or google it online.

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  11. Anonymous12:28 pm

    My mom's a Catholic and she married my dad at a hotel reception and since then they didn't regard her as a Catholic cos she didn't get married in a church :S

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  12. Anonymous11:49 pm

    I'm 27 year old asian chick who converted to the mormon church three years ago. i have never been happier :) pretty much every question you asked here were questions that i asked when learning about the mormon faith. almost every question can be answered by learning the basic principles of our faith. here are a few: 1) we are all God's children 2) we are meant to have our own family on earth and eternally 3) God gave us agency, which is the ability to choose what we want to believe, never should you feel forced 4) Jesus died for us so we could return to our Father in Heaven 5) we are human and will make mistakes, but we can repent so we can grow and move on with our lives. If you believe and embrace the principles, your actions will follow your beliefs. These things rang true in my heart, so I in turn wanted to marry someone who believed in the same things, so we can raise a family with these special values. And btw, I just got married last month in the Temple, but also had a big Chinese wedding celebration. It was the best day of my life :)

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  13. Anonymous11:05 am

    no lah you can have the chinese wedding the next day or even the same day if you want to haha

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  14. Hur hur hur.. Anon 11:49 sounds like a saleswoman.

    Which reminds me, I've come across more than a few religion-salespeople. On one occasion, one guy even tried to give me his copy of the Bible. And with the enthusiasm of a teenager distributing flyers in an Orchard Rd underpass no less.

    Why do they do it? Seriously. Do they get like spiritual brownie points or something everytime they recruit someone? And are the brownie points really worth the annoyance that they cause to others? Or is it just insecurity that makes it necessary for them to be surrounded by others who believe the same things that they do? Are they really trying to convince others or themselves?

    Oh btw, congrats Anon 11:49 on the best day of your life. Quick have plenty of babies! :)

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  15. Anonymous1:41 am

    Anon 11:49 here again :) I <3 spiritual brownie points. But really, think about it. If I truly believe this stuff, and if it truly makes me happy, why wouldn't I want to share it with those around me, even strangers.

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  16. Anonymous2:42 pm

    @anon 11:49

    Because people simply don't have to listen to your bullshit, end of story.
    Keep your faith to yourself, golden freaking rule of religion.

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