I know a lot of you have been wondering about my love life and what's been going on.Well...quite frankly, I don't even know what to tell you because I do not know what's going on myself.
It's not like I'm in dire straits and depressed or what... but I feel like I'm being tugged at at different angles.
I feel it's absurd for someone who has gone out with me for a few weeks to expect me to make a commitment. And it's not like I am a commitment phobe... I want more than anything to be in a stable relationship. But it has got to feel right.
I don't know if it's fear that's holding me back. Or has being with Mark kind of spoilt me for other men, because he treated me better than I ever thought possible, and we got along so well that I'm looking to make that same magical connection immediately with the next guy.
Of course that's not happening. All I have is me recoiling in fear everytime a guy gets serious. Yet at the same time, when he shows signs of not being serious ( e.g. lack of contact/interest) I kick him out of the squad.
WTF is wrong with me.
Is it a hindrance that I'm still in contact with Mark? I tell him about my dates and he helps me access them (and he's usually spot on because he knows me so well now). (Yes, he's the goalkeeper).
And talking to him has been very helpful... because I get bouts of anxiety where I think OMG... I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life if I don't settle for this person. But he has the ability to talk sense into me and make me feel secure. He makes me feel less of a rush, and I don't panic, and I feel ok being alone.
Last thing I want is to make a bad decision and spend more years in a relationship that is not right for me. So I need to take a few steps back, take a breather, look at things calmly before I commit again. I don't want to rush into something or feel pressured into making a decision. I worry that I will make a bad decision. So I need to be sure, and take my time.
So you can stop asking about S.... (or whoever else). If anything gets serious, I will definitely be happy to let you know.
I'm waiting for a case of the butterflies. You know when you suddenly get that moment where you see promise, and hope and your tummy flutters because you suddenly realise... this person makes me so happy, I want a life with him!
For now, I'll be ok.. not like there's a shortage of men in Singapore... it's just that I want to make the right choice this time... so give me a little more time.
Comments
And still contacting Mike ABOUT YOUR DATES? Hello!!!! Tsktsktsk.
I'd thought you'd be more sensible and matured about such stuff.
And still contacting Mike ABOUT YOUR DATES? Hello!!!! Tsktsktsk.
I'd thought you'd be more sensible and matured about such stuff.
I think it's actually a mature thing to still be able to be friends with your ex.
But I don't see Holly forcing these men to go out with her. She wants space, and for dating to be casual, I don't see anything wrong with that. Why must it be exclusive (only one???? I'm sure the guys are not only dating ONE lol.. how naive! come one, I'm a guy too.)
For ur age, u are immature and living in ur own bubble and world.
Ur little dating game which u post obssessively on ur site seems like u r just a needy and attention seeking gal, that's all.
Is that all about ur life?
I think you are just spewing out all this garbage to get her to respond to your worthless comments. What kind of person are you to slam others in order to make yourself feel better? GET A LIFE.
Pple like you should just SHUT UP. If you are so unhappy with how others run their lives, then just stop reading their blogs la, STUPID.
hmmm but then again, in your twisted world, yeah it may be access...
It's so hard sometimes to decide whether you are "settling" or not. To be honest, it is impossible and silly to try to decide whether a man is right for you on the first date... try to chill. Don't worry it will come. I know its hard because the clock is ticking... but, i think the key here is to chill a little. About talking to Mark - not a good idea to discuss dates. But i think chatting and checking up on each other is ok. But talking everyday isn't and discussing potential dates isnt to. I'm sure it doesn't help you to move on right? Try to have a break from him for a bit.
Just my two cents
People can comment freely, positive or negative, and it's not for you to act like a site moderator.
I think you have to ask yourself if you aren't subconsciously clinging onto what you had with him? Cos if you read your own post, you can't seem to get over the 'connection' you STILL have with Mark. It's disturbing that you can't decide on your own or trust your own instincts when it comes to your own love life.
Another thing I don't get is, why are u looking for butterfly feelings or any other specific feelings at all? if it feels right, you'll know. It doesnt have to leave you all fluttery but it must FEEL RIGHT. Most of the time, it's never a 'ta-da-he's-the-one' moment. You do realise that butterflies don't last right? The emotional high, like the lifespan of the creature dies out rather quickly.
You both are contradicting yourselves. If you so believe that everyone should have freedom to say what they want, why can't greener comment on other pple's comments; therefore limiting greener's commentaries to HJ's and not on pple like you? Haha... ridiculous!
If one wishes to express their views on others, which is something you clearly love to practice, then let greener say whatever he/she wants.
Maybe I am the site moderator.
anon148pm- I have to correct you here. I don't post my "adventures' with themon my blog. These dates are anonymous or go by some random initial. And come on...count the number of dates I've blogged abt since I've been single this year.... I think there's only S's triathlon (which wasnt a date la) and Bali (i blog abt all my holidays! and I blogged abt the holiday itself... not my date)
@aono3.13 - There's no pleasing everyone I guess. I actually kept getting emails and messages for updates about my r'ship status, and ppl always asking abt the elusive "S". Even my platonic guy friends taht I lunch with... ppl spot me and ask in my tag board "was tht S???"
I don't blog obessively abt my love life. I did this last post to tell my readers tht - nothing's going to happen yet, I'm not ready, and stop asking abt S (or whoever) and tht if anything develops, I will let them know.
anon4.10pm- ok so you spotted a mistake. big whoop.
Ok will reply to the rest of the comments in my next comment. this is getting a bit too long. but first... i gtg pee
And yes, our r'ship failed (twice!) and we're not going to be a couple. But that doesn't mean that it erases how well he knows me or I him. So I actually feel taht he's in the best position to talk things like tht through with me. BUT that said... I actually don't want to hear about ANY of his dates.. haha. I actually tell him, I can't take it. Lol. But if he really had a problem and needed an opinion, I too would give him an honest one that has his best interest at heart.
But we have talked about this and we do realise that maybe he's been too good a Goal Keeper. And tht maybe I should try to figure all this out own my own for a while. Which is why we decided a few days ago that while he's back in the UK ( he leaves 6th april) we shld not contact each other (unless necessary).
@Jess - yes I agree. I think it takes at least a couple of months of dating before you'll start to see a person's true self. everyone perfumes the pig when they first meet someone.
@anon12.25 - I have a problem trusting my instincts right now actually. There's this one guy, that I had a nice hour long chat with about a month ago. ANd then when he asked me out, I said NO (!?). And I could not give him any reason other than i had a bad vibe ( I really did... mysteriously so). And then finally, like this week, I went out with him. And it turned out good! So yeah... my instincts suck. almost always has.
I know butterflies dont last, but I still do think that tht someone special has to be someone who makes you float, and makes you feel a little magic inside... not at first sight (granted)... it didn't happen till my like 4th date with Mark.
anon6.33am- OK...You're Hired! (haha)
wow.. I wish u werent all anonymous! So hard responding. At least put in a nickname or somethin!!! :)
And being single and alone for awhile means not dating any men! Not going on random dates but telling them oh I just wanna go out. If it's not some desperate cry for attention, I dunno what it is cos seriously, you don't want to be in any relationship but yet you go on casual dates for fun...yes no need to isolate yourself, but you mean you have no friends? Or you only wanna hang out with ang moh men who'll give you some attention?
To be fair, i dun think hj's been telling much abt her dating adventures either. Which leads me to believe shes dating alot more than we think! Muahaha
i can say this because i was in a similar situation 1 yr ago. Told myself i was fine and have moved on but thats not true. It took a particular incident for me to gain some closure and finally wake up to realise that my so called 'frenship' with my ex is hindering me on my potential new relationship.
I have since found a great new guy and i can talk to my ex about his dates w/o any baggage or unhappiness.
Just because we know each other very well doesn't mean we are right for each other.
our futures are on a different paths now. at one point we thought we wanted the same things, but now we don't.