Sunday, February 14, 2010

Listen If You Want To

There's something I've been keeping from my readers for a week or so. Most of you already know or have sensed that things between Mark and I have not been great since late last year. No big fights or anything, but just something about it was not right, and we were growing further and further apart. And I mentioned that we set a date (end Jan) to make a decision about our relationship.

It was a very sad day for the both of us. But we realised that we were only holding on to each other because we had already invested so much in the relationship and we didn't want to make a mistake by ending it. But that's no way to live life.

We decided that it would be better for us to go our separate ways. He'll still be in SG for the next few months until he figures out what he wants to do with his life or where in the world he wants to go to. We still don't know if splitting up is a mistake or not. But I'm hoping that there will never come a day where we're going to look back and say, oh I wished I had tried harder.

I hope I'll meet that special someone who (as one reader aptly put it) marches to the beat of the same drum. And that one day, I'll find love truly effortless and someone just right for me.

Everytime I talk about my relationship with Mark, I get a lot of hate from some readers. Like one would go on and on about me being with Mark because he's a lawyer and I think it's such a BIG DEAL and he has MONEY. And then another reader would go on about being a Lawyer is no big fuck and not all lawyers are rich so I should get off my high horse. And quite frankly, it's tiring listening to all that. People thinking for me, putting words in my mouth all the time and then criticising me as if I had said it, and people acting like they know me better than myself.

I didn't want to tell you that Mark and I failed (again) because there are bitter people out there (most of whom I suspect are people I dated in the past... but I'm not entirely sure, maybe its just people who hate me for no reason) who are just waiting eagerly to see me fail.

But I owe the truth to those readers who have been a part of my life and my journey from way back. And I cannot keep it from everyone forever because I live such a public life and pretty soon someone's going to see me with another man and think I'm a cheat or something.
Don't worry about me. I'm ok. It's not as devastating as the last time we split up. In fact, I am thankful that we decided to give it another go, because this time, I can genuinely say I did my best and have no regrets.
Ok, that's it. Thank you for listening. Criticise if you feel the urge to ( I won't get defensive) ... I'm beyond that point now. I'm just very sad that something that we both had such high hopes for just didn't stand the test of time after all.
It makes me worry about the future. How could something that started off feeling oh so right, end up like this?
That's something fo me to think about this Valentine's Day.

52 comments:

  1. Fayth8:01 pm

    I also just ended a relationship which was a 2nd try just yesterday. Can totally understand how you feel. You will be better, Holly.

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  2. Dear Holly, I am sorry to hear about this but for what it's worth, things happen for a reason. Always remember that. We might only have been schoolmates back in JC but I've been following your blog and I can see that you are a nice person who deserves her happy ending. Don't worry, for each of us, there is a 'jodoh', your soulmate, the person you are supposed to be happy with, and spend your lifetime with. And it will happen when u least expect it. All the best! ;)

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  3. Anonymous9:36 pm

    Hi Holly,

    Sorry to hear about your second break-up with Mark. Happened to me before too - tried the second time with my ex and didn't work out... Both of you will find someone better in time. :)

    Just ignore those creeps who want to rub salt on your wounds. They're sad, cos they don't know what love is.

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  4. Anonymous9:37 pm

    Hi Holly, as the old saying goes, what will be yours, will end up yours. I find it sad that you and Mark had to end it. Was really hoping for a happy ending for you and Mark. I shall pray for you that you will find that someone who will fit in so seamlessly with you.

    Take care ok?

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  5. hello holly,

    i'm not going to be one of those who try to preach to you on whatever theories they have on relationships, but as a reader i will give you all my support in whatever you do!

    have a happy cny nevertheless.

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  6. Geoffrey11:07 pm

    Hi Holly

    Ending a relationship (especially one where you've put all your heart and soul into it) is the most difficult thing one has to go through. But keep your spirits up! You'll be just fine =)

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  7. Anonymous11:31 pm

    This is not a suprise. pick yourself up dust yourself off and be alone for awhile. you need to be comfortable with yourself first before you start this whole dating thing again.

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  8. Anonymous11:52 pm

    When my ex gave up his PR and returned back to his hometown, i was totally devastated. Recently, he came back for a short holiday and we met up. After his holiday, he went back to the UK again.

    Surprisely, i wasn't as devastated as that time when he first left sg, so i can totally understand how you feel coz we felt we had done our best and the most important is that we do not have any regrets even if the relationship fails.

    I know you will be better and hope you understand more about yourself when you are alone, it works for me!

    :)

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  9. Anonymous12:47 am

    hey Holly

    i'm sorry to hear this. i'm feeling awful too bcos of my failed rs with my ex bf and he's seeing someone new already.

    life goes on and good things come to those who wait! i believe ur prince charming will come one day. don't give up hope. :)

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  10. Hi Holly,

    I just a new reader of your blog, but still empathize for you. It sucks but life still goes on.

    Just like how my previous and first gf left for another girl.

    Although i will not say that love can ever by effortless, but there will be someone just right for each of us.

    I like to tell myself: "I might not know the way.. but i know i will find the way", hope it might help in anyway of your life holly!

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  11. Hi Holly,

    I've been reading your blog now for some time (couple of months)..came upon it by accident really and never left a comment but this time I will.

    Who are we to judge others really? It's so easy to come to all sorts of conclusions and throw stones at others but we should really look at ourselves before we make such remarks. For those people who have been leaving such hurtful comments, I hope Holly that you won't be disheartened. It's easy for someone outside of the relationship between Mark and you to say all kinds of things without knowing exactly what happened between the two of you. I'm sorry that things didn't work out but time really does heal. Sometimes it takes way longer, but eventually it will and like you said you tried your best and I applaud you for that.

    I hope the best for you and that you will find that someone, that life partner. In the meantime, enjoy everything that life has to offer and work on being that confidant, beautiful and loving woman that you are always meant to be.

    Love,

    Erin

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  12. Anonymous7:56 am

    so what were your (and his) reasons that it wasn't working out? what were you guys unhappy with? take it as a learning experience...

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  13. Anonymous11:40 am

    hugs hugs!

    sue

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  14. i'm really happy for you that you think you've made the right decision. i actually got dumped right before the beginning of this year, and totally understand how you feel. looking back, i can truly analyze everything i've been doing, and i have been forcing myself to stay with him too, because i spent two years with him.

    anyway, you're not alone in this. we'll both find better people in the future (: it helps to tell a good friend everything you disliked about him.

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  15. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  16. Anonymous1:03 pm

    *BIG FAT HUGS*

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  17. Anonymous1:41 pm

    Alexander Graham Bell wrote..."When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us."
    Look forward Holly - the door may already be opening for you :)

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  18. Anonymous2:08 pm

    ..The Amazing Race Asia is open for registration right now.. would have been great to see you and Mark on the show..

    maybe you can consider taking up this challenge and see if can work? Three times the charm..

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  19. Anonymous2:50 pm

    I just also decided to put an end to a relationship with someone and your line sums up what I feel right now "How could something that started off feeling oh so right, end up like this?" And as much as I wanted to make it work as friends, it was hard to because I couldn't just see that person as a friend after being so close and rather than keep hurting everytime we are together, I decided to end it because just like u put it, "that's no way to live life". I hope you will find someone when the time is right. *hugs*

    -a new fan of yours

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  20. abysmal3:07 pm

    heys holly,

    I'm glad you have decided to give it another shot eventhough it had to end someday. It's hard isn't it? When you learn all the good and bad about him, when you are so intuned with him and you can't think of the next day without him.
    You have been courageous and have fought all the way to the end.
    I am in your shoes and rather than to think of the ending, I have been living each day to the fullest. I'm still hopeful. Till when? God knows.

    So please, take a day off and have some time to yourself or enjoy it with some of your closest girlfriends.

    take care holly,
    abysmal.

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  21. Anonymous4:58 pm

    people who come to your blog often just to insult you are just jealous. Nothing is worse than jealousy, it brings them back again and again because they have nothign else in their empty lives. People secretly wished they were you, or they were Mark, trust me. Human beings can be soo ugly.

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  22. Anonymous8:08 pm

    There is a price to pay for dating or marrying men with money. Usually you can't expect to have the fancy dinners, luxury travel, and lifestyle and then still have a simple happy relationship.

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  23. Kris Lim3:29 am

    One day, you will be loved again. Stay happy

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  24. Anonymous3:37 am

    if you can't hold him in your arms, hold him in your heart.

    be thankful you were loved, and probably still are. it just wasn't the right fit, perhaps. Perhaps. It doesn't mean he is going to forget about you, there will always be a soft spot. Always.

    be strong holly. you will weather this in time to come.

    be well

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  25. Holly's Mom10:13 am

    People like you are failures, even in relationships...let alone countless beauty pageants you signed up.

    Have you even won anything major now that you are close to 30 and acting teen?

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  26. Holly's Horny Dad10:15 am

    If you had ended well with previous relationships, i guess people out there wouldnt be so eager to see you fall, but we all know its a matter of time that people like you can fail.

    I hope you end up lonely and shitty.

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  27. Holly's Bitchy Mom10:22 am

    Holly,

    Hi, so what you gonna do since you lost a major source of income? That generally means no more suckers to buy you fanciful dinners, luxury travels, beautiful stuff and "atas" brands of clothes.

    I think most importantly you must find another source whom you can sponge on immediately. Someone stupid enough for a lawyer to let you spend their hard-earned money that way.

    Shall we try a tycoon? Old, fat and ugly? I am sure you wouldnt mind because he could be letting you have your way with his private jet, yacht or space ship?!

    Then you can blog about it!

    Or rather, you can now look for judges instead of lawyers! Why not an astronaut?

    Actually, to tell you the truth, i am also rather loaded but short and ugly, i am sure you wouldnt mind?!

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  28. You're exactly the kind of bitter person that has the time to leave multiple hate messages, using diff nicknames, but all the same IP.

    Mark was not a "source of income" for me. What? You think he's some fool that lets girls sponge off him? I earn my own!

    And the past BFs I split up with.. the reason was usually because they were cheating assholes. Not because they were poor or anything like tht.

    What do u mean countless beauty pageants? I was in New Paper New Face 9 years ago, and Miss Singapore Universe 7 years ago. What's the big deal? Didn't realise you couldn't count up to 2.

    Oh... i kinda wish I knew who you were... but it's ok, hide behind anonymity if it makes you feel better.

    ------------

    To everyone else who have been encouraging and concerned. Thank you. I appreciate your support.

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  29. kingkong12:12 pm

    mr/miss hater..reveal yourself..have some balls..holly has been liberal enough to have comment publish without any screening.at least have the decency to reveal who you are if u wanna write hateful stuff...

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  30. Anonymous1:41 pm

    Hi Holly, you are a great girl with a great personality. I have since split up with my ex and he is also currently dating someone new. I took like 5months to finally get over him. I guess time will heal all wounds. Its through all these failed relationships that we learn something and grow from it, isn't it?

    I believe you will meet someone who is the right fit for you soon:) Everyone deserves the best for themselves:)

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  31. Anonymous3:52 pm

    You deserve to be happy (=

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  32. Anonymous3:59 pm

    Hey Holly,

    The person is not revealing himself/herself probably cos it's someone you know or knew in the past. :P

    It's probably some sad person that you offended before. Could be a spurned ex or an enemy at work. Happens when you have a public blog. A bitter old foe may show up to leave unsavoury comments.

    Well, even though we don't know who he/she is, there is one thing that we can be sure of: he/she is a loser through and through. ;)

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  33. Life sucks, Holly. If you want to get more depressed, go watch Coen Brothers' A Serious Man. Read my Blog on coping when life turns bad and worse, without cause and reason.

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  34. Anonymous8:35 pm

    Hi Holly,

    Be strong babe. Can only imagine the pain in your heart and may one day it'll heal again. Wish u all the best.

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  35. Anonymous9:41 pm

    Sigh, hope the break up works out this time. and you get over it and be happy! It sucks.. it sucks when u think what could have been right? Ughhh. Sometimes i think that about my exes too.

    Even when i'm happy with my bf. Its just strange sometimes.

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  36. Anonymous11:34 pm

    You're a lovely person, you just have to be patient. I know (and everyone else, too) that you will be with someone who truly loves you and cares so much about you.

    You'll be alright.

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  37. U are brave, and i wish u well. I am trying to get over a guy currently now.. it didn't work out but I am glad i ended things. Still emo tho..

    Good luck!

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  38. Anonymous1:04 am

    HJ HJ HJ,
    Why do you even bother replying to that crazy bitter person? Was hoping you wouldn't.

    I suspect it's some 13 year old doing it. haha.

    Anyway, glad to hear you are taking it better this time round. Sometimes, it all depends on fate. Sounds cliche but it makes me feel better. =P

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  39. Hollybabe, guess im in no better position to advise but certainly u are courageous in pursuit of true love and im sure God will put someone right for you one day, cheers!

    As for "hxrny Dad" & "bitxhy Mum", it's rather sad why u choose to put such comments here like rubbing salt and vinegar on one's wounds...

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  40. Dear Holly

    I'll support whatever decisions u made coz i'm ur best net citizen fren....:)

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  41. No amount of words can ease the ache but time will heal all pain.

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  42. Anonymous2:51 pm

    Why didn't the relationship work out? Able to give some insight as to why it didn't work out?

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  43. Krystal4:43 pm

    Time will heal all wounds.

    Hugz Hugz!!

    Cheer up!

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  44. lol really man the fella took the tiem to be mom, dad and bitchy mom ...lol that shit is funny

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  45. Hi Holly, it's okay. Better luck next time sweetie :) Cheer up. Me on your side :)

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  46. grace4:00 pm

    i've been following you for the longest time holly, and i really relate to everything you post.

    when i broke up with this guy who i honestly did think it was gonnna be forever with, the first time was hard as hell, and then i visited your blog and i found out you had a brokeup too.

    we got back tgt but it didn last and we broke up and now your broken up. what you say about wondering what's so wrong when once it felt so right i wish someone could explain that been thinkig about it and its horrible. madness.

    but for sure, the second time is always easier, chin up gorgeous, you will make it (:

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  47. Anonymous11:52 pm

    HJ doesnt seem too down this time round.. maybe she has already moved on... quickly...

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  48. Anonymous1:28 pm

    Hi Holly,

    Sorry to hear that it didn't work out but like you said at least you've tried.

    It always feels right at the start, especially during the honeymoon period. U feel like you were made for each other, you've found your soul mate & etc. That feeling can tide you through a while until the reality of life sets in and you discover your "differences".

    We've heard this all too many times but maintaining a r'ship is truly hardwork. However when u have to ponder so hard over whether to settle down with this person or not, then you know something isn't quite right there. I'm all for practicality but I believe when you will know when he's the right one.

    I am currently separated from my husband. We dated for 8 yrs before tying the knot. I thought he was my best friend and it's hard trying to understand where it went so wrong.

    So nothing is ever really stable & secure in life.

    I hope one day I will find the courage to date again. The last time i dated someone was 10 yrs ago! In the mean time I will live vicariously through you.

    It is inspiring to see how u pick yourself up and move on instead of beating yourself up over it. You've got a great personality and don't let those crazy comments drag you down. You shouldn't even respond to them.

    All the best =)

    Roz

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  49. sorry to hear that, Holly! Give yourself some time to slack a bit.....you deserve that. You are a very strong girl, i believe it will be just a matter of time for you to be back to the dating scene again. Wishing you all the best!! :)

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  50. mm My Love and I broke up too. We talked a lot about it before and finally on CNY eve it was finalised and I accepted it..

    :) hugs.

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