There's something I've been keeping from my readers for a week or so. Most of you already know or have sensed that things between Mark and I have not been great since late last year. No big fights or anything, but just something about it was not right, and we were growing further and further apart. And I mentioned that we set a date (end Jan) to make a decision about our relationship.
It was a very sad day for the both of us. But we realised that we were only holding on to each other because we had already invested so much in the relationship and we didn't want to make a mistake by ending it. But that's no way to live life.
We decided that it would be better for us to go our separate ways. He'll still be in SG for the next few months until he figures out what he wants to do with his life or where in the world he wants to go to. We still don't know if splitting up is a mistake or not. But I'm hoping that there will never come a day where we're going to look back and say, oh I wished I had tried harder.
I hope I'll meet that special someone who (as one reader aptly put it) marches to the beat of the same drum. And that one day, I'll find love truly effortless and someone just right for me.
Everytime I talk about my relationship with Mark, I get a lot of hate from some readers. Like one would go on and on about me being with Mark because he's a lawyer and I think it's such a BIG DEAL and he has MONEY. And then another reader would go on about being a Lawyer is no big fuck and not all lawyers are rich so I should get off my high horse. And quite frankly, it's tiring listening to all that. People thinking for me, putting words in my mouth all the time and then criticising me as if I had said it, and people acting like they know me better than myself.
I didn't want to tell you that Mark and I failed (again) because there are bitter people out there (most of whom I suspect are people I dated in the past... but I'm not entirely sure, maybe its just people who hate me for no reason) who are just waiting eagerly to see me fail.
But I owe the truth to those readers who have been a part of my life and my journey from way back. And I cannot keep it from everyone forever because I live such a public life and pretty soon someone's going to see me with another man and think I'm a cheat or something.
It was a very sad day for the both of us. But we realised that we were only holding on to each other because we had already invested so much in the relationship and we didn't want to make a mistake by ending it. But that's no way to live life.
We decided that it would be better for us to go our separate ways. He'll still be in SG for the next few months until he figures out what he wants to do with his life or where in the world he wants to go to. We still don't know if splitting up is a mistake or not. But I'm hoping that there will never come a day where we're going to look back and say, oh I wished I had tried harder.
I hope I'll meet that special someone who (as one reader aptly put it) marches to the beat of the same drum. And that one day, I'll find love truly effortless and someone just right for me.
Everytime I talk about my relationship with Mark, I get a lot of hate from some readers. Like one would go on and on about me being with Mark because he's a lawyer and I think it's such a BIG DEAL and he has MONEY. And then another reader would go on about being a Lawyer is no big fuck and not all lawyers are rich so I should get off my high horse. And quite frankly, it's tiring listening to all that. People thinking for me, putting words in my mouth all the time and then criticising me as if I had said it, and people acting like they know me better than myself.
I didn't want to tell you that Mark and I failed (again) because there are bitter people out there (most of whom I suspect are people I dated in the past... but I'm not entirely sure, maybe its just people who hate me for no reason) who are just waiting eagerly to see me fail.
But I owe the truth to those readers who have been a part of my life and my journey from way back. And I cannot keep it from everyone forever because I live such a public life and pretty soon someone's going to see me with another man and think I'm a cheat or something.
Don't worry about me. I'm ok. It's not as devastating as the last time we split up. In fact, I am thankful that we decided to give it another go, because this time, I can genuinely say I did my best and have no regrets.
Ok, that's it. Thank you for listening. Criticise if you feel the urge to ( I won't get defensive) ... I'm beyond that point now. I'm just very sad that something that we both had such high hopes for just didn't stand the test of time after all.
It makes me worry about the future. How could something that started off feeling oh so right, end up like this?
That's something fo me to think about this Valentine's Day.
Comments
Sorry to hear about your second break-up with Mark. Happened to me before too - tried the second time with my ex and didn't work out... Both of you will find someone better in time. :)
Just ignore those creeps who want to rub salt on your wounds. They're sad, cos they don't know what love is.
Take care ok?
i'm not going to be one of those who try to preach to you on whatever theories they have on relationships, but as a reader i will give you all my support in whatever you do!
have a happy cny nevertheless.
Ending a relationship (especially one where you've put all your heart and soul into it) is the most difficult thing one has to go through. But keep your spirits up! You'll be just fine =)
Surprisely, i wasn't as devastated as that time when he first left sg, so i can totally understand how you feel coz we felt we had done our best and the most important is that we do not have any regrets even if the relationship fails.
I know you will be better and hope you understand more about yourself when you are alone, it works for me!
:)
i'm sorry to hear this. i'm feeling awful too bcos of my failed rs with my ex bf and he's seeing someone new already.
life goes on and good things come to those who wait! i believe ur prince charming will come one day. don't give up hope. :)
I just a new reader of your blog, but still empathize for you. It sucks but life still goes on.
Just like how my previous and first gf left for another girl.
Although i will not say that love can ever by effortless, but there will be someone just right for each of us.
I like to tell myself: "I might not know the way.. but i know i will find the way", hope it might help in anyway of your life holly!
I've been reading your blog now for some time (couple of months)..came upon it by accident really and never left a comment but this time I will.
Who are we to judge others really? It's so easy to come to all sorts of conclusions and throw stones at others but we should really look at ourselves before we make such remarks. For those people who have been leaving such hurtful comments, I hope Holly that you won't be disheartened. It's easy for someone outside of the relationship between Mark and you to say all kinds of things without knowing exactly what happened between the two of you. I'm sorry that things didn't work out but time really does heal. Sometimes it takes way longer, but eventually it will and like you said you tried your best and I applaud you for that.
I hope the best for you and that you will find that someone, that life partner. In the meantime, enjoy everything that life has to offer and work on being that confidant, beautiful and loving woman that you are always meant to be.
Love,
Erin
sue
anyway, you're not alone in this. we'll both find better people in the future (: it helps to tell a good friend everything you disliked about him.
Look forward Holly - the door may already be opening for you :)
maybe you can consider taking up this challenge and see if can work? Three times the charm..
-a new fan of yours
I'm glad you have decided to give it another shot eventhough it had to end someday. It's hard isn't it? When you learn all the good and bad about him, when you are so intuned with him and you can't think of the next day without him.
You have been courageous and have fought all the way to the end.
I am in your shoes and rather than to think of the ending, I have been living each day to the fullest. I'm still hopeful. Till when? God knows.
So please, take a day off and have some time to yourself or enjoy it with some of your closest girlfriends.
take care holly,
abysmal.
be thankful you were loved, and probably still are. it just wasn't the right fit, perhaps. Perhaps. It doesn't mean he is going to forget about you, there will always be a soft spot. Always.
be strong holly. you will weather this in time to come.
be well
Have you even won anything major now that you are close to 30 and acting teen?
I hope you end up lonely and shitty.
Hi, so what you gonna do since you lost a major source of income? That generally means no more suckers to buy you fanciful dinners, luxury travels, beautiful stuff and "atas" brands of clothes.
I think most importantly you must find another source whom you can sponge on immediately. Someone stupid enough for a lawyer to let you spend their hard-earned money that way.
Shall we try a tycoon? Old, fat and ugly? I am sure you wouldnt mind because he could be letting you have your way with his private jet, yacht or space ship?!
Then you can blog about it!
Or rather, you can now look for judges instead of lawyers! Why not an astronaut?
Actually, to tell you the truth, i am also rather loaded but short and ugly, i am sure you wouldnt mind?!
Mark was not a "source of income" for me. What? You think he's some fool that lets girls sponge off him? I earn my own!
And the past BFs I split up with.. the reason was usually because they were cheating assholes. Not because they were poor or anything like tht.
What do u mean countless beauty pageants? I was in New Paper New Face 9 years ago, and Miss Singapore Universe 7 years ago. What's the big deal? Didn't realise you couldn't count up to 2.
Oh... i kinda wish I knew who you were... but it's ok, hide behind anonymity if it makes you feel better.
------------
To everyone else who have been encouraging and concerned. Thank you. I appreciate your support.
I believe you will meet someone who is the right fit for you soon:) Everyone deserves the best for themselves:)
The person is not revealing himself/herself probably cos it's someone you know or knew in the past. :P
It's probably some sad person that you offended before. Could be a spurned ex or an enemy at work. Happens when you have a public blog. A bitter old foe may show up to leave unsavoury comments.
Well, even though we don't know who he/she is, there is one thing that we can be sure of: he/she is a loser through and through. ;)
Be strong babe. Can only imagine the pain in your heart and may one day it'll heal again. Wish u all the best.
Even when i'm happy with my bf. Its just strange sometimes.
You'll be alright.
Good luck!
Why do you even bother replying to that crazy bitter person? Was hoping you wouldn't.
I suspect it's some 13 year old doing it. haha.
Anyway, glad to hear you are taking it better this time round. Sometimes, it all depends on fate. Sounds cliche but it makes me feel better. =P
As for "hxrny Dad" & "bitxhy Mum", it's rather sad why u choose to put such comments here like rubbing salt and vinegar on one's wounds...
I'll support whatever decisions u made coz i'm ur best net citizen fren....:)
Hugz Hugz!!
Cheer up!
when i broke up with this guy who i honestly did think it was gonnna be forever with, the first time was hard as hell, and then i visited your blog and i found out you had a brokeup too.
we got back tgt but it didn last and we broke up and now your broken up. what you say about wondering what's so wrong when once it felt so right i wish someone could explain that been thinkig about it and its horrible. madness.
but for sure, the second time is always easier, chin up gorgeous, you will make it (:
Sorry to hear that it didn't work out but like you said at least you've tried.
It always feels right at the start, especially during the honeymoon period. U feel like you were made for each other, you've found your soul mate & etc. That feeling can tide you through a while until the reality of life sets in and you discover your "differences".
We've heard this all too many times but maintaining a r'ship is truly hardwork. However when u have to ponder so hard over whether to settle down with this person or not, then you know something isn't quite right there. I'm all for practicality but I believe when you will know when he's the right one.
I am currently separated from my husband. We dated for 8 yrs before tying the knot. I thought he was my best friend and it's hard trying to understand where it went so wrong.
So nothing is ever really stable & secure in life.
I hope one day I will find the courage to date again. The last time i dated someone was 10 yrs ago! In the mean time I will live vicariously through you.
It is inspiring to see how u pick yourself up and move on instead of beating yourself up over it. You've got a great personality and don't let those crazy comments drag you down. You shouldn't even respond to them.
All the best =)
Roz
:) hugs.