Listen If You Want To

There's something I've been keeping from my readers for a week or so. Most of you already know or have sensed that things between Mark and I have not been great since late last year. No big fights or anything, but just something about it was not right, and we were growing further and further apart. And I mentioned that we set a date (end Jan) to make a decision about our relationship.

It was a very sad day for the both of us. But we realised that we were only holding on to each other because we had already invested so much in the relationship and we didn't want to make a mistake by ending it. But that's no way to live life.

We decided that it would be better for us to go our separate ways. He'll still be in SG for the next few months until he figures out what he wants to do with his life or where in the world he wants to go to. We still don't know if splitting up is a mistake or not. But I'm hoping that there will never come a day where we're going to look back and say, oh I wished I had tried harder.

I hope I'll meet that special someone who (as one reader aptly put it) marches to the beat of the same drum. And that one day, I'll find love truly effortless and someone just right for me.

Everytime I talk about my relationship with Mark, I get a lot of hate from some readers. Like one would go on and on about me being with Mark because he's a lawyer and I think it's such a BIG DEAL and he has MONEY. And then another reader would go on about being a Lawyer is no big fuck and not all lawyers are rich so I should get off my high horse. And quite frankly, it's tiring listening to all that. People thinking for me, putting words in my mouth all the time and then criticising me as if I had said it, and people acting like they know me better than myself.

I didn't want to tell you that Mark and I failed (again) because there are bitter people out there (most of whom I suspect are people I dated in the past... but I'm not entirely sure, maybe its just people who hate me for no reason) who are just waiting eagerly to see me fail.

But I owe the truth to those readers who have been a part of my life and my journey from way back. And I cannot keep it from everyone forever because I live such a public life and pretty soon someone's going to see me with another man and think I'm a cheat or something.

Don't worry about me. I'm ok. It's not as devastating as the last time we split up. In fact, I am thankful that we decided to give it another go, because this time, I can genuinely say I did my best and have no regrets.

Ok, that's it. Thank you for listening. Criticise if you feel the urge to ( I won't get defensive) ... I'm beyond that point now. I'm just very sad that something that we both had such high hopes for just didn't stand the test of time after all.

It makes me worry about the future. How could something that started off feeling oh so right, end up like this?

That's something fo me to think about this Valentine's Day.