Friday, February 19, 2010

Clickity Click and A Really Bad Date

Read my Interview here.
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Meanwhile... I had a super slack Thursday. Was supposed to meet John (good old friend) but cancelled. I did absolutely nothing... the only time I stepped out of the house was to jump in the car with Lola (my dog) when my brother went to pick Dad up from work. He had to do overtime today, and we thought it would be a nice gesture if we were there waiting to pick him after such a long day. (OK, so it was mom's idea).
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I have a meeting to attend (clark quay area) at 10am, and I have to shower soon... but I want to tell you briefly about my dates so far.
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One was an MSN friend whom I never met before. Let's call him Z. It wasn't a date perse... because when he asked me to join him for a quick drink, I did say - THIS IS NOT A DATE OK? I knew I would not be interested because he's 2 years younger anyway. But it was 11 pm on Valentine's day... all my couple friends were happily coupling... and I felt like going out. I thought I might make a new friend who lived close by.
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First thing that struck me as wierd though was that he said - be prepared ok... I'm a cam whore so I'll take many pics of you.
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But I thought.. oh ok.. he's hinting that I should not step out of the house in my pajamas and looking like shit.
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When I got in the car, I said HI in a very friendly tone (note: casual friendly. NOT intimately friendly). And he reached over and hugged me. Tight. I was a bit shocked. But he said, Happy valentine's Day while doing it... so ok... maybe it's just sweet of him.
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Then when we got out of the car, it got VERY uncomfortable for me because he grabbed my hand. Alarm bells went off in my head. It WASN'T a date, I thought I had made that clear before agreeing to this coffee meet. And if it WERE a date, I would not appreciate him grabbing my hand just 10 minutes after meeting him. I pulled my hand away and said - You don't need to hold my hand.
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And he explained- But it's Valentine's Day. ( And pointed to some random couples around)
I just walked on ahead of him. But he persisted, and put his hand around my shoulder... only to have me awkwardly wriggle out of his grip.
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The coffee was actually ok. Pleasant conversation. But I wanted tob cut it short and go home. And he drove me home, but before I got out of the car, he tried to kiss me. I recoiled in shock (also slight disgust. sorry. I don't mean to act like I'm out of someone's league... but I really was). And he said that he was only trying to kiss me on the cheek.
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Maybe that was true, and I over reacted. And in case you were wondering, he was SG Chinese. I'm not generalising here... but I bet if it were a white guy... many would have a happy good time in my comments section saying I deserved what I got because I'm such a whore dating white guys! But you see.... (!!!) ... first time in a couple of years I go out with a chinese guy... and THIS is what happens!?
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Ok, most of you probably won't behave like this guy. I have many chinese male friends (ex classmates, ex colleagues) and they're not like that when dating (i hope).
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But for those of you who don't have a clue:
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1. DON'T grab a girl's hand. Even if you're trying to be romantic or what. If you want, you "test" first by brushing your hand against hers and watch her reaction. If she pulls away, abort mission.
2. DON'T proceed to put arm round her shoulders when she already pulled her hand away from yours.
3. DO give Fake Hugs. If you feel the occasion calls for a hug, give people fake ones (especially to the opposite sex) if you're not close. You know.. you hug but there's a gap between the bodies.
4. DON'T Dive In for a Kiss. It's desperate, and off putting. If she wants to kiss you, the signals are obvious. She'll smile and laugh and hang on to your every word. She looks at your lips a lot ( make sure you don't confuse this with her perhaps looking at something disgusting you got between your teeth). And she comes into your personal space a lot. Bad signs include- Crossing arms ( she's creating a barrier between you and her body), uncomfortable laughter and leaning away from you.
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Ok, I'd love to tell you more (one more bad date to share.. this one was actually a date). But I got to go off now. Share with you more this weekend!
Happy Friday everyone!!

22 comments:

  1. Anonymous11:29 am

    You judge people by their race. What does being Chinese have to do with anything? He is a guy that prob thought your cheap cause of your blog. He is an idiot, that's a given but your still la racist.


    " I don't mean to act like I'm out of someone's league" please refer to your post on the "bangla's"

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  2. Ugh. I hate bad dates. Especially when they're SUPER overly friendly. Desperation isn't attractive. Hope you have better luck next time! =) Love your blog, btw!

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  3. Anonymous11:47 am

    Aiyoh, anonymous, let it go, you're clearly over-reacting in this case. (i did think the bangla post was horrid though.)

    HJ, just read the myfatpocket column. You have an elder sibling? Bro or sis? Don't think you've mentioned here before!

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  4. Anonymous11:59 am

    If he was White & Rich, this whole blog entry would be different.

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  5. Oh come on Anonymous, you're just jealous of her. Its her blog, let her write whatever she wants. Don't call her racist. You're being unfair.

    That guy was way out of line. Put yourself in her shoes, you'll know how it feels!

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  6. hahaha

    Law of large numbers ! the more you try the more chances you have

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  7. Anonymous1:52 pm

    wow, u certainly moved on fast. U dont constantly need a guy in ur life you know. I think this is the best time to get to know urself better.

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  8. I think you're dating too soon after a break up. To even have one date so soon after the time u broke up (im guessing the most one week) is really too soon. I understand u feel the need to date more, perhaps to distract yourself from being sad, but i think that is counterproductive. U still need to give yourself the time and space to heal, i do think you might have reacted differently to that guy if you were happily single rather than fresh out of a r/s.

    And even if you wouldn't have, at least you know that you're at an emotionally healthy stage to start dating, it's more fair to yourself and the guy involved.

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  9. Anonymous2:36 pm

    fair enough. maybe it was an over reaction. but its just seems to the the trend here for these remarks to be tossed out by HJ.I am Anon by the way. 11:29

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  10. I'm just dating different people. not settling down or anything.

    We've broken up for a few wks, but I only just revealed it to my blog readers this week. On top of that, Mark was in UK for half the month of January anyway. We spent a lot of time apart to "think" abt the relationship (not sure is withdrawing and widening the space between partners is the best way to deal with a shakey relationship) but tht is what happened and this is the result. We both tried. Too bad I guess.

    @anon2.36- i mentioned he was CHinese because I know.. everytime i blog about a bad date, ppl will start saying I deserve how I was treated becos I dated a white guy.

    And yet.. I still see comments like anon11.59 saying tht is this date were a white guy, I'd sing a different tune.

    Actually the next bad date I was going to tell readers about was a rich white guy. But I'm sure even then... someone will come up with something else to rub in my face.


    @J- i wldn't have reacted differently.. I'm damn certain of that. Plus when I went out with him I stated it wasn't a date and I wasn't interested in him "that way".

    @anon11.47 - yep, elder sis. But she got into a bad car accident 5 years ago. And it's not something I want to broadcast via my blog as there are people and feelings involved in this private matter which is not solely my story to share. I will talk about it someday, but just not yet. Hope u understand.. I'm not trying to just keep things from readers because I'm deceptive or anything.

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  11. Anonymous6:12 pm

    omg i think i know who you are referring to. its someone who goes by the name AZ right? omg!

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  12. Jessie7:11 pm

    *cringe* eeeeuwww. he sounds desperate and like he was trying to get lucky with u. makes for a good story though! i had a good cringe. looking forward to your next instalment. tgif!!!

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  13. @anon6.12pm - AZ??? no, don't think u have the right person...

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  14. Hi Holly Jean,


    Thanks very much for your interesting blog. It's always nice to see how people on the other side of the globe live, how they share the same joys and sorrows, what they do in their free time, etc.

    I actually have a question about your blog. Would you mind helping us with a linguistic research project? We're compiling data from various Singaporean weblogs. All it requires is checking a few boxes. If you want to take part and/or have more questions, drop me a note ( hack2301@uni-trier.de RE: Question ) so that I can then send you the 'official' project eMail. We'd really appreciate your help.

    Thanks very much in advance!
    Best regards,
    - Fran

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  15. Anonymous11:19 am

    ~ i think dating just after a few weeks is a bad idea.. maybe you should just be alone for awhile..

    rebounds are never good..

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  16. Anonymous2:22 pm

    Ang Mo's always get stereo-typed by Singaporeans so I thought Holly made a refreshing distinction. Anyway - this is a LIFETYLE page people! Lighten up!!

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  17. Anonymous6:47 pm

    eeks how awkward!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    you shouldve taken a cab home dude.. after the desperate hand grabs and hug lunging its pretty obvious he was shameless enough to try for a goodnight kiss!!

    ugh what a skeezy man

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  18. Dear Holly

    Don't be too upset by some of the comments here. And don't let a few bad dates put you off. Keep your spirits up and you'll eventually find someone whom you feel comfortable with and who will treat you with the love and respect that you deserve. (^_^)

    Stay happy!
    Geoff

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  19. Referring to Anonymous 6.12 above... I agree with her. I also think I know who the bad date is. The first person that comes to my mind when I read your post is Alvin Zeng.

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  20. no no.. not alvin zeng. he's just a blog reader.

    yikes.. pls don't jump to conclusions...

    :(

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  21. how many of ur blog readers have u dated?

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  22. Dated? definitely none.

    i see a few in public and they come up to me, take pics togehther etc. ANd I remember a few of their names (its hard though).

    and there are those who actually correspond with me through emails instead of leaving comments. and i respond to every email (even though most times i only have time for a short response).. but these are mostly girls....

    I'd like to say I have a close rapport with a lot of my readers but def not dated anyone. Not that i'd rule it out... but Ijust havent been THAT WAY inclined towards any of my readers.

    They're 70%female anyway!

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