Sunday, October 25, 2009

Sliding Doors

This post is in response to all the readers' comments made for my previous entry.

Decisions like the one I made didn't come easy.

It was not as if I was dating a new guy and then suddenly Mark says "let's get back together"... and then I say "Sure!" and just turn around and tell the other guy, "Ok, thank you, Bye".

I withdrew from both of them and thought long and hard for a week. I hate decisions like that because... you know what? I wil NEVER know if I made the right decision.

If things do not go well with Mark and I, or when there are hiccups later on in our lives together (which I am sure, like all relationships, there will be) ... will I torment myself with thoughts of WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN?

No matter what my decision, it will always look wrong to the onlooker. If I stayed with the new guy, and it just doesn't work out in a month (new relationships are full of risk and revelation), then if I happen to get back with Mark after that .. you would see it as .. oh I tried something new... failed miserably.. and then went crawling back to Mark. (!!!)

And if I choose not to pursue the new relationship, because when it comes to a choice between Mark and the new, of course the scales aren't balanced, I've spent the last year getting to know Mark, and I still love him. That just doesn't go away. Then readers see the other guy as the rebound, someone to be pitied. And me... as the bitch who used him.

I never saw the guy I was dating as a rebound guy. Well.. I know that I didn't date him just to have some FUN. I was actually seriously considering the relationship because he was a really great guy. I never thought that getting back with Mark was a possibility, and I was moving on.

And I know that no matter what I say, people will always have opinions about my actions. When I made my decision, I actually mourned for a while. It did hurt to have to give up on something so promising (but the reality is, we had only dated for less than 3 weeks, everything seems promising and perfect in the early stages right?).

I would not say I Pity him. He's a grown man. He took my decision like a gentleman. Plus he's confident, intelligent, has a promising career, has a hot hot body and a handsome face. Trust me... if you feel like pitying anybody... you're better off pitying yourself.

Of course it might suck a bit, cos the relationship was so new (only a few weeks), so it felt like - we'll never know now if it were meant to be.

That's life. We will all move on. An endless series of sliding doors.

I am actually happy with my decision, I feel it is the right one. I'm excited. I'm happy. I'm hopeful.

25 comments:

  1. Hey Holly, i know exactly where you're coming from. There's a difference between a rebound and seriously considering a new prospect. A guy that comes along shortly after a break up can't simply be labelled as the rebound guy- love is confusing, and most of the time- a blur. We need to give it time, and we need to give ourselves a chance to find love as well. And that's exactly what you did. Of course anyone who makes use of someone else to get over a recent breakup should know that it's not fair to the guy/girl. But if you really like the guy and think you might stand a chance, there really isn't anything wrong with taking the leap- and if in the end you figure it's not for you/not going to work out, then i guess you part ways gracefully. And really, everyone gets hurt in love- there's no way of measuring what's right/wrong. I hope you find more love down this road. :)

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  2. Anonymous12:44 pm

    Hey holly, i think the most impt thing is to be honest with yourself. And you did the right thing.

    Nobody will know what will happen in the future. But as long as you go with your heart, you will be able solve everything that comes in your way.

    JIAYOU! i support and give my blessings to you :)

    love,
    sharon

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  3. Anonymous2:27 pm

    Dear Holly

    you know what? just follow your heart. :))))

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  4. Anonymous3:32 pm

    I guess you are happy with your decision because when you made it you are certain. And that's happiness :-)

    Conversely, how can you be happy when you feel confused after a decision is made?

    What's past or broken is to be left behind. What matters is that Mark and yourself gives it 100% from now onwards. One which I think neither yourself nor the last guy was giving to begin with.

    Nothing beats a solid new beginning! :-))

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  5. Anonymous4:22 pm

    you go girl! (:

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  6. You would never know if you've made the right decision or not, indeed, there are many 'what ifs' in life. But as long as you know that it was the best decision you could have made based on all the info you had... there wouldn't be any regrets, no matter what the outcome.
    Good luck! :)

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  7. I feel that you didn't even had to address what people think. They only know you superficially, just like me. What rights do they have to comment on your decisions and your life? What more, you to explain your decision to them. I'm happy that you're back with Mark and I'm rooting for you guys!! All the best!!

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  8. Hey Holly,

    its such a hard decision to make.

    I was there and I had to make such a decision as well. In the end, I chose the new guy - but that was because my ex really hurt me and he took too long to ask to get back with me.

    That was all I wanted to hear from him. But by then, I had been dating the new guy for three months. And things were too good to give up.

    But it sucks having to make such a decision. Sometimes, even now, I wonder if I have made the right one. There were things I really liked about my ex, and I think I loved him.

    But ultimately, I felt I couldn't trust him and I couldn't take that leap to be with him.

    The problems with such decisions is you wonder "if" either way. Even if you do end up with Mark, you might wonder "if" each time you argue.

    I do sometimes. But not so much anymore.

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  9. Well, to sum up from the previous comment posted...

    yes, you made a brave decision. As long as you feel its right in your gut, go with it. Nothing is right 100 per cent of the time.

    But I think its best to choose the route you thing is most right - then make it work.

    You are brave. I couldn't get back with my ex - there was too much uncertainty and too much to lose.

    Anyway, why did you break up with Mark in the first place...? Just wondering, you never really made it clear.

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  10. Agreed with anon 2:27, "just follow yr heart" i thot maybe yr trip to Bandung has made some impact in yr decision..

    Dun bother abt the rest of the opposing voices, aft all ask yrself "Are they gg to be by yr side when u are down & out in love?"

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  11. Anonymous4:04 am

    Gosh, I was in the same position as you Holly, just 6 hours ago. My ex-bf of 6 years brought me to dinner at an italian restaurant with the most fantastic sea-view, sung me a love song that conveyed his feelings for me, and presented a diamond ring.

    I was very very touched and even teared. But I'm already dating another guy, though its just for 2 weeks, I've grown quite attached to him. And no, its NOT rebound.

    I can fully understand your predicament and how much courage it took for you to made the decision. No matter what others may think or say, I applaud you for making the choice and wish you all the best!

    Lets hope we made the right decissions... =)

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  12. OMG! That's a fairy tale like proposal! :) congratulations girl!

    Yes I do hope we made right decisions.

    What made him suddenly propose, after you guys had split? I guess being together 6 years puts him in a great position to know if he wants to marry you or not.

    But do you ever wonder if men want us back because we started dating someone else? And they can sense it's not some rebound guy but someone of substance. You know what I mean? I kinda wondered abt tht for a while... but I think I was thinking too much.

    what say you?

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  13. hey girl you neednt bother yourself with what others say; it's your life, your relationship.
    personally I think you made the right choice too (:
    am glad for you!

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  14. To quote Milan Kundera's 'The Unbearable Lightness of Being':
    'We can never know what we want, because, living only one life, we can neither compare it with our previous lives nor perfect it in our lives to come. ...There is no means of testing which decision is better, because there is no basis for comparison. We live everything as it comes, without warning, like an actor going on cold.'
    Just go according to what you feel is right for the moment. Even it isn't - c'est la vie.

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  15. Just go with the flow. If you make a mistake, it’s not the end of the world. It wouldn’t kill you to try again if that is what you want. The worst is to wonder ‘what if?’.

    As long as Mark was always respectful to you and you guys split on good terms (i.e did not cheat on you, did not emotionally or physically abuse you).

    My ex was the most emotionally abusive asshole (hindsight is 20/20), but when I had broken up with him, for about 10 or so months, I actually considered giving it another shot because I simply could not get over him. In that situation, I wouldn’t recommend going back to Mark. Otherwise, go for it!

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  16. Anonymous1:59 pm

    Hey Holly...

    It would have been fairy-tale like, if it was a proposal in the first place. But it wasnt. The entire night was more like a final closure of our 6-year relationship.

    On his part, he felt like he needed and wanted to do something for me after all that Ive been thru for the past 6 years, hence the detailed planning and gifts. I don't know how to accept the ring though, how should I? When we're not together anymore.

    To answer your question, I feel it does play a certain extent. We are human beings after all and more often than not, only realise the significance and value of another close/ loved one through the eyes of another person (the guy you were dating for instance). And I guess, ego plays a part as well, esp if the guy is competitive in nature.

    But I cant give an accurate judgement, not knowing you and Mark's full story or Mark's character. What I can only say is that life is full of 'What Ifs' and 'Maybes' and humans are such complex creatures. There can never be a singular simple reason to explain our actions.

    So just live in the moment and enjoy your rekindled love! =)

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  17. Hey Holly, I don't think men want us back because of the other guy, be it with substance or not.

    If the new guy's no substance then maybe they cannot be bothered because they may actually feel better about themselves (by feeling sorry for our plight?!). If the guy's wtih substance then they will be happier for us?? Plus there are many other fishes in the sea. And we women know that very well... hmmmppphhh....

    So I feel that if they want us back, they just want us back.

    And I think the male species work differently from us. For myself, I went crazy when I knew my ex was finally in a reltaionship with someone of substance.

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  18. Hey anonymous, with that unexpected marriage proposal... so, i suppose you went with the new guy?

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  19. Anonymous3:21 pm

    Hi Jess

    It wasn't a proposal, just something that my ex felt like doing for me at the end of our relationship (even though I told him it wasnt necessary).

    And yes Im still dating the new guy.

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  20. Anonymous5:13 pm

    seriously, if you are so concern about what people think about you or what decisions you made, you need not post them on your blog~ Its your personal life anyway. I feel that u're just an attention seeker! I noticed that u tend to blog more about ur life when u're with mark.. but when u're single.. blog activity decreased by alot. u said you wished you were born back in the days of the Little house where life wasn't one of luxury but was so much simpler.. but yet.. your first post back with Mark was dining at an exclusive restaurant. You are totally contradicting yourself. Your blog is all about showing off your life.. seeking for attention.. rather than to talk about lifestyle~

    Honestly i don't think anyone really cares about ur life or how your love life is and what decisions u make~ I do enjoy your blogs about fashion, make-ups.. but it has become a pain reading your blog for the past few months talking about the decisions u made about ur love life! and if u want to post things about that... u should be prepared to receive comments about what ppl think.. and u should not be writing such a post back to retaliate.

    you are a professional blogger.. please think twice again before you post any future entries. Don't make such a good blog become a place where u whine.

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  21. Anonymous6:06 pm

    I love her relationship posts - they have been about making decisions in life, and well, living in general. Posts shouldn't be just about make-up and clothes. And come on! Holly can blog about anything she wants. She doesn't owe us anything!

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  22. aisha6:55 pm

    hey girl, very happy for you & Mark! and keep up your blog, loving it!

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  23. I say, whatever makes you happy. You answer to no one but yourself. :) Am glad that you're with someone you're happy with.!

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  24. Thanks for writing this post. This is your blog and you can write whatever you want on it. Be it a post to defend/comment/indulge. :)

    If the negative comments were made anonymously, gosh, ignore them please! I just wish readers could be more mature to know that while they may not agree with how you live your life, they should respect you as a person with your own rights.

    Onwards with life dear!

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  25. oh no!!! i didnt come to your blog for a few days and so much had happened! well, all the best to you and Mark! no one knows what the future holds but at least we can treasure what we have now! gee=)

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