Friday, October 23, 2009

Scrambled Eggs

The last few weeks have been tumultuous. Not so much physically but mentally... brains been like scrambled eggs.

After my last emotional meeting with Mark, lunch at Estrada. I realised that I wasn't over him. It was hard, because I had already started to date a wonderful guy at the time. And I didn't know what was right for me anymore.

I knew that despite me moving on and doing new things as a singleton, I didn't have closure yet. And because of this, I could not give the new guy 100%, which is unfair. He deserves 100%. Hanging on to him before I fully closed the chapter with Mark would be very selfish of me.

So we ended that new relationship. It was hard, because it was at a stage where everything was new, and good, and full of promise and potential. I asked myself many times, Holly Are You MAD? Are you sure you want to end this when there isn't anything wrong with it?
So on a clean slate, single, not dating, I went off to visit my best friend F in Bandung. I really needed to get away from it all.

But now I'm back. And I don't know if I am making the right decisions, I don't know if I'll look back on this ten years from now and regret my actions. But I'm doing what my heart tells me to.
Mark and I are going to see if we can make it work. I don't know what the outcome will be. Maybe in a few months, we'll both call it quits and know for sure that it wasn't meant to be. Then we can move on knowing we tried our best. Or just maybe, we'll look back on this episode ten years from now with a couple of kids in tow and be thankful we made the decisions we did.
I don't know if it's the right choice. But it's a choice which my heart feels is right.
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Mark and I went to Forlino's for dinner last night. I was dying to wear my new dress form Happy Burgers. Very sexy little black number.It was so comfortable, you know? Like I know him and he knows me.
Forlino's a nice place, at One Fullerton, beside ButterFactory. They serve a big portion of my favourite- Foie Gras :)
Mark started with scallops. (Nice, but of no comparison to my Foie Gras!)
For main, I had lamb, which was so-so really.
And Mark had this pot thingy of beef cheek... looked terrible to me, but he said it tasted ok.Dessert was a chocolate molten lava cake, wasn't fantastic... it's better at Starbucks (at a quarter of the price too!).
And of course, I've never met a Lychee Martini I didn't like. Tomorrow I'm taking my good old friend Sarah (from Junior College days) out to dinner at Oriole at the Pan Pacific Serviced Suites. She's getting married in December... and I missed her hen night.... I much rather have a quite dinner with her than a drunken hen night. :) Can't wait to see her.. It's been almost a year!

22 comments:

  1. Anonymous9:08 pm

    Congrats on you two getting back...very happy for you guys! ;-)
    I'm not sure what's the reason for the earlier separation but hope that all will be resolved...

    Homemaker

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  2. Anonymous11:23 pm

    u are a really brave woman. Good luck with him.

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  3. Looking good! Cheers to you, and hang in there =] Heart is the best guardian =]

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  4. Anonymous1:37 am

    imo, it's better to regret doing things than not doing it at all.

    HOPE EVERYTHING GOES WELL. MUACK!

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  5. Anonymous4:57 am

    yay! all the best. no pressure. :)

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  6. Anonymous7:26 am

    It must suck to be that other guy. Just make sure you don't go running to him again if it doesn't work out with Mark. You're right, he deserves better.

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  7. All the best dear!!

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  8. Anonymous1:26 pm

    guess the other guy is just a rebound guy huh. I thought u dated too soon too. Ya dumping him when u got a chance to be w mark again... Poor chap but on the other hands, i really hope u and m will make it this time.

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  9. Anonymous3:54 pm

    Karma's a b*tch and i'm sure you wouldn't want to be someone's rebound so hopefully it all works out for you.

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  10. Anonymous7:04 pm

    With all due respect, I hope this post will remind us not to have "rebound" relationship UNLESS we are totally over with our ex.

    I assume you did not have a proper CLOSURE with Mark but yet date with other guy.

    Empathise the other guy though.

    It's your life anyway, you do what's make you happy. We readers only give our two cents worth.

    An ex is an ex for a reason. I'd seen cases of couples getting back after first break up but in the end also break up, but I had also seen cases of couples getting back for good after first break up. The first step is to determine why exactly the breakup occurred.

    Hopefully it all works out for you.

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  11. Anonymous9:20 pm

    Pity the rebound guy. But pity/sympathy will never be a good reason to stay around him/her/someone. I see it as only sooner or later...

    In any case he knows (should know) that you've just broken up with Mark when he decides to be with you. It takes two, and he should realize that chances of being the rebound is coming to him.

    Following your heart is the best way to go girl. The mind's too confused and redundant then. I did it with my ex bf and now we are stronger. If we were not meant to be in the end, I know I've followed my heart. It has been the best guide for me.

    Wish you the best of love with Mark. And hope to see little markies and hollies running around in the future :-)

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  12. sometimes absence makes the heart grow fonder. maybe being apart for some time makes the both of you think about the other and what went wrong in the relationship and how you would want to work it if you had the chance.
    my bf and I had a pretty shaky relationship - breaking up, cold wars, quarrels, patching up and through it all we finally reached a stage where we both know the other well enough to know where the raw spots are and learn to compromise in the relationship.
    I'm glad I hadn't gave in to my stubbornness when we broke up the last time and were apart for 6months. I followed my heart and we got back together and somehow everything fell into place and we are much happier now.
    Cherish you time with Mark and I hope you 2 will iron out any problems and be happy together, just dont make the same mistakes again because you'll be kicking yourself it happens.

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  13. Sometimes feelings once lost, can never be the same (even if found back) again.. but im sure yr readers are glad to knw at least u & Mark decided to try it again.. :)

    Not everyone gets a second chance in love, in liFe.. wish everything work out for both of U! =)

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  14. Anonymous11:03 am

    Congrats! I'd always thought Mark and you are compatible. Sad for the other guy though..

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  15. Anonymous11:48 am

    You're mad HJ. He's 20 years older than you! By the time you're in your mid-40's with the two children in tow, he'll be six feet under...

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  16. yes, he's almost 20 years older. And of course tht was a big factor for me.

    But even if touch wood, he dies when he's in his 60s. I could have had by then, 20 of the best years in marriage with him.

    How many couples in our time now have that even?

    Life is so unpredictable. I could marry someone my age and be divorced in a few years. I could marry someone my age and have him die of cancer next year :s

    Mortality is a big worry for me, I admit. But I cannot make this decision based on a projection that he will die on me. For all you know, I might not make it to 40! Who knows.

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  17. Anonymous1:26 pm

    When comes to love, age is just a NUMBER.

    If you are older , that doesn't mean you pass on first. Life is unpredictable.

    Love work differently to everyone irregardless of age, race, culture....etc

    If the age thingy doesn't bothered you (parents,relatives) much,then i would say it is ok.

    Who cares about what outsiders think.

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  18. Anonymous4:49 pm

    It's alright Holly Jean. My parents are 16 years apart and they've been together for almost 30 years so yes, age isn't really an issue :-)

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  19. Anonymous6:00 pm

    How was Oriole? I'm thinking of going there...

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  20. "Dessert was a chocolate molten lava cake, wasn't fantastic... it's better at Starbucks (at a quarter of the price too!)."

    Ouch... That must have hurt for Forlino's!! Heh :P

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  21. anon 4.49 - wow 16 years. thanks for sharing tht ... reassures me. :)

    anon6pm - like the setting at Oriole and they have a nice bar. wld be much better once construction behind the pan pac bldg is finished.

    Menu rather limited though, more of a bistro than a restaurant. But is a great chill out and easy eats place. I had the fish and chips ( I WAS REALLY LIMITED OK considering I don't eat pasta) and my friend Sarah had the prawn pasta.

    I had honeycomb icecream for dessert - tht was YUMs!
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    HFB - I'm not exaggerating too! It was shit the molten lava cake at Forlino's at it was like $18, the size of a mini cup cake, which is ok if it tasted better than it actually did!

    Best I had was at Morton's, then second best is the Starbucks one at like $4!

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  22. Ok, i'm glad I didnt miss anything out on not having the molten cake when I was there! I read raving reviews about it though, and spent the evening wondering if I shd still order the molten cake. Equinox's molten cake was wonderful.

    I was at Forlino's just a fortnight ago - I didn't like the food! And yep the wagyu beef cheek tasted ... hmm... just say that I didn't like it.

    All the best with Mark!

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