Tuesday, October 06, 2009

Boyfriend Obsessively Checking Other Girl's Blog

First, a quick update:
- I still have editorial backlog I have to clear :(
- I met up with my ex Mark today... so many emotions... but not ready to blog about that yet.
- Be patient, I'm still waiting for Singtel to tell me which of my readers won the INQ contest ( So Slow!)
- I have a Sony Vaio event/launch to go to on the 8th, that should be interesting.
- I miss my girlfriend in Indonesia and will go see her next weekend.
- My eyelashes still haven't grown back.
- Waiting for a fab dress to arrive from HappyBurger! Think I'll wear it to the Sony Vaio event.

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Meanwhile... can you help me out with today's Ask Holly Jean section. Hi Holly Jean,

What do you think about guys who obsessively surf other girl's blog?
Is this considered cheating? And what advice would you give their gfs?

The thing is I didn't even check my boyfriend's history but i just happened to type in the google search box and i always see the girl's blog at the top of his search list :( was quite devastated initially.. it has since been about 2 months and i haven't confronted him.. yet i still cant get this crapping devastated feeling off my chest
so i'm wondering if i'm over-reacting or do i really have a reason to be pissed off?

Thanks babe
Wondering while wandering


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Dear Wondering while wandering

Being a jealous person myself... if my boyfriend had the need to check out some chick's blog regularly... I'd be very very unhappy about it. He must obviously be very interested in her (especially if it's just a tra-la-la personal blog and not a blog of a specific common interest he might have, for instance about computer games or something)

But I also have to admit that my tolerance for such stuff is very low and I do tend to over react over small things. Plus my blog has 30% male readers. They can't all be my exes checking up on me...lol... and I'm sure some of these male readers are in committed relationships. And none of them have crossed the line with me (not over friendly or anything like that).

If it is enough to leave you feeling crappy, I suggest you speak to him about it. Or at least just mention that you find it strange that this girls name keeps popping up in his searches. And see what he has to say.

But I am interested to know what my guy and girl readers out there really think if they were in this situation. I think getting other people's opinions on this issue will be useful.

Here's a poll. Click your answer. (only one vote allowed per IP address)

22 comments:

  1. Which is why I always keep my surfing habits a secret.

    But honestly speaking, there is a need to trust your partner. Cut some slack. There is nothing wrong with checking out a blog written by someone of the opposite sex.

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  2. I don't see anything wrong. It's just a blog. I think one would have to start worrying more if he is checking out a guy's blog :D

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  3. Anonymous8:34 am

    what if theres's nothing interesting in that blog? She's not a celebrity. The blog is boring (like some girl in poly) and badly written and it's clear he's only interested in the girl.

    WHat then?

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  4. Anonymous9:10 am

    i am a guy. i check holly jeans blog, daily sometimes like twice a day? I really don't think its cheating, i reckon its more like i am "KPO". Maybe you should look at the kind of blog he is following not so much the sex of the author.
    JB

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  5. Anonymous9:12 am

    In response to Anon 8.34, then you ask the fella why the hell are you following this chicks blog? cause that's what couples do. You can jump to any conclusions you want but when your in a relationship you give your partner the chance to explain himself. JB

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  6. i think it's no big deal until he goes all out to look for her contact and hook up with her...

    Human are just curious creatures

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  7. To Wondering while Wandering :

    This is not completely related but I think it might illustrate your situation a bit more clearly.

    I enjoy looking at people - male or female, good-looking or ugly, hot or not, stylo or milo. I look at their hair, skin, body shape, clothes, etc. My partner knows this about me, and often I share my observations of others with her. Funny thing is, I've noticed that when I look at a guy, I'm the one who has to initiate the 'sharing'. I'll say something like, "that's a nice shirt" or "he looks like (her favourite actor)" or "crocs?? but he's not a senior citizen and/or blind!" whereas if it's a girl I'm looking at, I can always count on her immediately noticing without me having to say anything. Even if the girl is not hot and looks ridiculous in a bright yellow top and pink tights. Basically, she's just more aware. She could be milking a herd of cows wearing a leaden hood surrounded by a team of sumo wrestlers in an electromagnetic field that permanently affects vision - I look at a girl and she knows it. Not that she's jealous or anything, but she's just more alert to it somehow. I'm thinking it's a natural instinct thing? Some built-in radar that a girl has?

    So how is this relevant? Well, you might be worried because the blog that you came across happened to be a girl's. But perhaps there's a bunch of blogs that he regularly checks out, both boys' and girls', that you're not aware of, which would suggest that he's not so much cheating as he's just a kaypoh digital native like pretty much the rest of us. I for one have a core set of blogs that I check out regularly - 2 male, 2 female. Cos I'm Libran and I'm just balanced like that. Hur hur..

    Besides, if it's any consolation, coming from a guy, there's not much pleasure to be had out of checking out a girl's blog, no matter how hot she is. Even if there's loads of uncompromising photos of her and her friends. In fact, we're better off checking out some good porn.

    So yeah, I don't think you've got anything to worry about. But in case I'm wrong, check his phone and computer at least twice a day, plant a hidden camera in his bedroom pointing at the computer, go through to his trash to look for signs of cheating (with his left/right hand), get all his friends to tell you every dirty secret he has (pay cash), follow him around, smell all his clothes for traces of other women's perfume and watch Fatal Attraction seven times for inspiration.

    :)

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  8. I think it's perfectly OK.

    I don't know Holly Jean, and I've never made any efforts to get in contact.

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  9. Anonymous12:15 pm

    i think the main concern is the content of the blog.... by reading one's blog does not mean anything
    my bf read my friend's blog from the very first entry which doesnt prove that he s having affair with my friend .....

    i felt nothing even when he told me about it... a little shock but nothing else afterwards... no crappy feeling

    ReplyDelete
  10. :) I'm glad to see all the POVs and opinions here.

    Strangely enough... doesn't correspond with the current poll results though... cos many in the poll indicated something's not right.

    Those who think it's wrong... pls do share your opinions/ experiences.

    :)

    ReplyDelete
  11. Anonymous2:08 pm

    Hey Holly,

    I have an idea for your next entry - Do you think its right to pry into your partner's privacy such as computer, mobile phone etc.. Of course you can word it the way you like.

    Pertaining to your entry today, I don't think there is anything wrong with reading a blog written by a female. There is nothing to be jealous about.

    Perhaps I don't get jealous that easily, that's why, which is not a good thing sometimes.

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  12. Anonymous2:58 pm

    http://holly--jean.blogspot.com/2008/09/doing-sneaky.html it's done before by her

    ReplyDelete
  13. Anonymous6:47 pm

    i think a blog (personal ones) is like a fb account. allows people to noe u better without being obvious about it.

    i guess some pple are just... kpo?

    i think, its better to check the girl out. if she is his acquantance or just someone unknown.

    if she is an acquantance, then the gf would have to be alert to anything he might say about her etc etc etc.

    i think the bottomline is... if the gf sees the girl as a threat. =)

    if she is someone unknown... probably... the girl is.... of interest. like a model, very pretty etc. might be nothing wrong here. since the girl is kind of like on a pedestal already.

    just my oinion.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Anonymous9:18 pm

    To Wondering while Wandering :

    It varies to individual.

    There are many reasons why a guy is obsessed in reading other gal's blog.

    First of all, what is the context of that gal's blog, is that any obscene/sexy pictures or it's just a random-daily blog.

    If it bothers you alot, you should talk to your guy(in a nice way) as the most important in r/s is TRUST and COMMUNICATION.

    We can give you OUR views and comments but the most important is to hear it from the HORSE'S MOUTH.

    Good Luck!

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  15. Anonymous3:19 pm

    hey girl,

    i dont think its anything wrong. But if you do feel uncomfortable with it, you could talk to him about it. Not in a way that you are accusing him or anything, just casually.

    but i think it's really nothing. maybe after your "talk" with him, you could both comment on the blog together or something? (that is if he is really viewing the blog for fun)

    In any case, do not panic. Give him some space too. take care!

    ReplyDelete
  16. wondering while wandering11:54 pm

    hi guys =D
    thanks for your views and all the encouragements.. well to a certain extent i do agree that it is ok to visit others' blogs regardless of gender (yes! its human nature to be kpo, including me)

    the sad thing is that not only is the girl's website at the very top of his search list, he has been googling about details like her vital stats etc..

    yea.. I'm haunted by that sad fact whenever I type g (for gmail) and i see all the drop down list with all the words starting with g that he has been searching for..

    sometimes i do wish that it was just some random porn site that he was surfing..

    somebody give me a slap to wake me up! :((

    ReplyDelete
  17. Anonymous1:09 am

    before my boyfriend and i got together, he used to spend a lot of time with this girl. but he never gave it a shot between the two of them, i think he felt he wasn't good enough for her. i don't know. but, we've been together for 3 years (he has lost touch with her within these years) and sometimes, on his searches, i discover her blog url. i'm not sure what to think of it either. her blog entries are harmless, just a journal. i suppose he still thinks about her and cares to know how she's doing. i don't know what to think about it. it makes me sad alright. something isn't right, but yet, it isn't terribly wrong.. :(

    ReplyDelete
  18. Anonymous2:12 am

    well, its harmless really. it does NOT mean the guy likes her, just making sure she is alright and doing well. there is some satisfaction they get out of it.

    Dont panic, its alright. Please dont do make issues like this big, enjoy life people (:

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  19. Mm..i think it's normal to lO_ok at blogs of the opposite sex.. u sort of have an alternative opinion to look at certain things (not juz the superficial :)

    Juz like porn..which im sure most have seen it b4..is whether you are able to detach yrself from it at the end of the day.. and anything when done or consumed excessively, becomes a problem.

    So guess the reader has to gauge the situation and not be over paranoid.

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  20. Anonymous8:13 pm

    I am a guy and i read your blog always holly. Because you're so open when you speak..

    My girl reads your blog too and we're loving each other :D

    ReplyDelete
  21. I think key to the whole thing is your definition of "obsessive".

    What do you mean by that?

    It could be just plain interest. But I think if it's an ex's blog, then there's something deeper here that needs to be discussed.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Anonymous7:42 pm

    Since you said that he googled her constantly and obsessively, I do think something is not right. You do not really do so to blogs that you read and furthermore, what's up with checking her vital stats etcs? That could only mean one thing, he is interested. Even if human are curious creatures, no curious creatures would still dig up more even after knowing abit unless there is something more to it.

    I suggest that you ask him gently and settle this issue :D

    take care!

    ReplyDelete