Thursday, September 03, 2009

I've Failed... again.

Most of you have heard through Twitter already.

Mark and I split last night. No, it wasn't a big fight, no one did anything wrong (like cheat or something)... but especially over the last month, things were just not working out. Differences which were probably around since day 1... just became less tolerable I guess.

We don't hate each other.

But I'm very very sad.

Ok, can't say more right now. I don't want to start crying again.

Had a rough night. Gathered all my stuff and slept at my friend John's house. Yeah, those of you who have been reading long enough would find John familiar, he's someone I've known since I was about 18 (just a baby). We've been friends since.

I had been crying so much that I could not get to sleep. My nose was blocked, and because I already had a sore throat from the day before, breathing through my mouth was very uncomfortable. And you know what? He stroked my hair until I fell asleep.

I think I'll be ok. There are people around who care for me.

Thank you for all the calls and SMSs I've been getting. If I've been very short and curt with the replies... it's only because I cannot let my guard down, otherwise I start thinking and feeling depressed.

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I've still got the Vaio video to do... due tomorrow, I don't know how I'm going to churn one out at the state I'm in.

If you haven't voted for me yet, (I'm trailing behind the leader by some 20 votes at the moment)...

1. You have to log in to your facebook and click Become A Fan here

2. Then you cast your vote by clicking LIKE underneath my photo here.
Also Click LIKE under my review here.
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There were so many things I was looking forward to do with Mark this month.
The Sg blog Awards at the supper club on the 16th.
Malaysian Airlines has approached me to be an SG blogger for them so that involves free trips to anywhere in M'sia. (Having lunch this Sunday with them)
And then there is my birthday.

Right now none of that seem to matter. I can't help feeling sorry for myself.

Such is life I guess. Such is Life.

51 comments:

  1. Anonymous6:51 pm

    take care ya....

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  2. Anonymous7:03 pm

    omg..im really sorry to hear that holly...me and my bf also went through hell for the past 2 yrs!!..but we manage to let it go...but im really sorry for you..hope you're doing well..as people always say...keep urself busy to not think too much about the break up...

    miss koala

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  3. Hey Hols...

    Take care and hope you feel better soon.

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  4. Anonymous7:34 pm

    Cheer up girl! You're one great person :)

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  5. Sorry to hear........

    Unfortunately that is how life is sometimes. We make plans and dreams in our head yet things don't seem to go as planned.

    Nevertheless it hurts......though (in a very cliched way) it just means sometimes that it wasn't meant to be.

    Stay strong :)

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  6. i believed everything happens for a reason....u might never know that some1 will come along d way without u realizing it...

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  7. *hugs*
    Take care. :)

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  8. Anonymous8:22 pm

    Things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right. And sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together .
    Take care holly, everything takes time (:

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  9. Anonymous8:24 pm

    I m so sorry to hear about that, especially when i emailed you today, i guess you know who i am when i said i emailed you.. anyway i hope that you will be fine soon.. i really don't know what to say to help you out, i really hope that you will be fine. You deserve a better one, and you will meet a better one.
    Take care

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  10. have been following your blog & have been hoping that you and mark would get hitched someday...well, i don't know what to say...chin up, gal.

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  11. Ishtar8:43 pm

    Hey, maybe you guys shouldn't make such decisions based on whatever disagreements you might have at the moment... I believe everything can be solved with just enough patience, willingness to compromise & accept other's point of view, and love--which i'm sure you still got for each other! Sometimes it seems that relationship is not working or you start to find your partner's little flaws irritating/annoying and leaving may seem as the best option...Only the new relationship and new partner won't be perfect cos nothing and nobody is... I've made a mistake of breaking up just like that, luckily my boyfriend was a bit wiser--we got back together after a year apart. Still together now. Hope you & Mark won't waste that much time!

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  12. Hey Holly, that's so sad. Anyway take care, and don't worry these things pass soon. I really didn't expect a break-up, but I suppose neither did you. ARGH! Seriosuly, isn't a way to work it out? Anyway take care. Its nice you have a friend like John.

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  13. im sorry ):
    time will heal though
    don't think too much about it for now
    you take care

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  14. I am so sorry to read about this. It's shocking and unexpected. I hope you'll feel better in time. It's not gonna be easy for the next couple of weeks.. but we're all concerned.

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  15. Honey and bee9:48 pm

    Whats wrong pretty? My aunt always tell me,girls need to learn how to bend over and give in and you will get your happiness. Two different individuals, with different culture, different personality.. It's difficult though.. but love is still there, i see no reason not to compromise and find the middle spot.. Hear from you soon holly.. take care!

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  16. Anonymous9:49 pm

    hey holly... don't worry about it. rooting for you still !

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  17. Anonymous9:53 pm

    Hey babe!
    *hugs*
    It must be really hard and i can only imagine.
    You are a strong girl and we are all behind u babe.
    Take care!

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  18. Anonymous10:54 pm

    i know its hard gal... but maybe you guys should really have a good talk and try to work things out..

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  19. Cheep up ! & takecares !

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  20. Sorry to hear that HJ, please take care of your good self. Trust you will stand up very soon!

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  21. YOU DID NOT FAIL.
    It takes 2.

    Hugs.

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  22. Anonymous12:06 am

    greener is right you did not fail. Take care...-M

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  23. Socky aka Pearlin1:15 am

    Take Care.. Chin up~

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  24. holly, thats smth sad to realised the 1st thing when i went to ur page today! >(

    im sorry for u~ take ur time ya? things will get better tml.

    anything i could help, dont hesitate ya? ;)

    All the best holly!
    dont feel sorry for urself... lik u said.. its not u nor his fault? think positively..at least try >.< sorry a bad talking i believe i am.. have a good rest for tml's video?

    cheer up holly~
    p(^0^)q

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  25. Anonymous2:23 am

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3092bY24LNk

    cheer up girl =)

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  26. hey babe. cheer up. life just gives us lemons sometimes. i found out i have a disease this week right after a nice birthday and im going away for 3 years next week and now plans just seem really screwed up.

    life always works out. i love your blog and personality. all the best and go with your heart!

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  27. Celestina8:31 am

    Holly
    I knw all the above wishes & support yr readers gave u will inevitably bring tears to yr eyes.. but u knw wat? U hv all our love & care to go thru tis trying period!!

    im sure we all knw how u r feelg, jus cry out! when i broke up wif my ex, i cried 3 wks! It was gd frens who stand by me thru out! so u not only hv great frens BUT u hv some many supportive readers too!!

    Brace up & move on! come on, u r young & stil a HOT BABE, i'm sure u will eventually find yr true love one day. say YES!! : )

    Hugs!!

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  28. Anonymous9:24 am

    Hi Holly
    I think... take a break, think things through, then talk to him again. No matter what the outcome is, you've done your best and he probably has too.
    All the best.
    Cyn

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  29. don't be sad holly..everything's gonna be ok someday!take care!

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  30. Anonymous10:02 am

    am so sorry to read abt wat happened to you.
    do take care ya :)
    things are gonna be better soon

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  31. Anonymous10:03 am

    its not going to be ok in terms of this relationship is it? how the hell do we know anyone has done their best? there are lots of things being said here without thought. life works out? who the hell are you kidding? trying to put a spin on the negative by being over positive is a ridiculous attempt at being helpful.

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  32. Anonymous10:51 am

    lol - nicely put, Anon 10:03

    In the short term though, it's important to be supportive to people going through a trauma.

    But at the end of the day, after the tears are gone, you've got to be honest about what went wrong and why. If you bullshit yourself, with loads of over positive spin, you're only setting yourself up for the next failure.

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  33. Anonymous11:55 am

    So it does help to be negative over positive? Hmmm... :)

    I still believe Holly did her best in this relationship, unless she comes out and says otherwise. Not that she is expected to clarify on this though. :/

    Cyn

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  34. hey there,

    im not going to say take care, and don't be sad, coz for sure u will be sad...
    just do what u think is right to do now and get over it....
    i know u can... trust yourself.:)

    Andy

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  35. Anonymous4:40 pm

    Relationship is not about who winning or who losing, not about who dumping who first, it is just about a mutual effort to try something out, and it didn't happen as it was supposed to be.. hugz, you can try to mend it or give it up, it's your decision, meanwhile stand up girl! you can do it! things will be fine soon :)
    Take care :)

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  36. Hey Holly,
    You're not alone! I broke up recently with the guy I had been seeing since Dec last year. (Think we both started new relationships around the same time, yours earlier though.)

    And like you, it wasn't anything big or a sudden incident that sparked it off. The little differences we had just added up one day, and we both knew, we weren't going to work.

    I was really sad at one point of time, but I've gotten over it. There's really no sense in forcing the issue, and I think I'm too awesome anyway to waste on somebody who can't see that.

    I hope you get to feeling better soon, it'll take some time, but have faith in yourself and in God, and know you're meant for better things. *hugs*

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  37. Anonymous5:12 pm

    Cyn, your such a suck up.

    ReplyDelete
  38. Quite din expect that but then again, nothing is impossible..

    When a relationship fails, i agreed both parties are responsible (in a way). These days, love is complex and others wont know what one is going through..

    I was strucked and in fact i was in tears when i read yr line: "There were so many things I was looking forward to do with him...and yes it get worse when the memories keep coming back..Right now none of that seem to matter ANYMORE..and how true it is but pls dun feel sorry for yrself. Everything in liFe happens for a reason.. sometimes when things dun work out, we have to think positively that we knew it was coming and not regretting at later stage of our lives.

    I hope the mini comfort u can find is that at least both of u are not officially engaged yet and able to let go of everything.. there are some like me unfortunately who (in order not to disappoint their families, friends, loved ones) continue to keep up the pretendence until everything else is settled and it's really painful to have to go thru' it.. i wont say hope u are ok coz how can u really be ok when everything else may seem falling apart but i believe in this timeless saying "Time can heal even the most deepest wound but if not, keep the rest in your gd memories"

    Giving Up Doesn't Mean You Are Weak, Sometimes It Means That You Are Strong Enough To Let Go...

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  39. I hope you feel better soon.

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  40. Anonymous10:16 pm

    Take Care..i thought it would work out with him..

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  41. Anonymous12:56 am

    it sux to be in such situation...1 moment u feel like ur getting over it e next u feel like shyt hmmm TAKE CARE

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  42. Anonymous3:13 am

    are u pulling a fast one to increase readership?

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  43. Dun think too much holly... maybe u guys will reunite again... i reali hope so

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  44. Anonymous1:02 pm

    Anonymous 5.12: Why thank you. :) Didn't realized I have that talent.
    Cyn

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  45. Anonymous5:17 pm

    i like the way you're slipped in a reminder to vote 4 u on the sony thing, imbetween a sorry of personal tragedy & drama

    you don't miss a trick, do u

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  46. omg holly jean, do take care. i'm sorry to hear about this. take some time to vent it out now but dun dwell on it for too long yah...

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  47. Your report is very interesting indeed.
    My sites:
    http://cavriana1.blogspot.com (Police gallery about pirates on the road)
    http://pilland.blogspot.com (The works of my wife)
    http://pillandia.blogspot.com (Gallery of borders)
    Best wishes from Italy!

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  48. Anonymous7:52 pm

    Yes!

    Now I stand a chance!

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  49. Hi Jean, you did not fail...fail means you have to play a lesser importance of yourself vs the other partner but how long can you be the lesser insignificant other without being your true self. Acknowledging you are not suitable for a teaching career is your true self. In relationship is the same, it takes two to click or break. If you can't sleep and need to go out to chat with someone, email me with your contact. I will sms you to confirm then. Have a good rest cos life still goes on and the world is still revolving around the sun :)

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  50. Anonymous2:16 am

    i think sometimes it takes restrain for a man to see a woman's worth. you probably moved in too soon with him. i dont know what u do for a day job but it doesnt seem much other than blogging and such. u wrote about beautiful and intelligent women go for foreigners... u r not ugly, but are u intelligent enough or with enough substance to be in that category of women? i dont mean to be mean or a wet blanket, but maybe it is time to do something more substantial. i dont follow your blog. just happened to stumbled upon it and read a few posts. do u really see urself as a woman of substance? did you pay rent when you were staying together? did you contribute financial? it just seem that u were yearning for something or someone u r not meant to be. take some time to evaluate yourself and know what u want before u plunge into the next relationship. know ur limits.

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  51. Hi ya... think I answered a similar qn before

    but anyways- what business is it of yours to know how much of the rent I paid? Or if I contributed "financial" (??) ?

    Apart from blog, I write a column for myfatpocket and I teach part time. Of course I'm not going to say where as I know there'll be daggers coming at me from people who have nothing better to do. (Glad to be rid of MOE though.)

    And if it's what I desire.. I'll aim for the moon if I want.. I don't need you to tell me to know my limits. Who died and made you God?

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