Friday, August 21, 2009

My Boobs And I

If you are a small boobed woman and you are reading this, chances are you have already thought about or perhaps mentioned the idea of breast implants.

I have raised the topic to similarly less endowed girlfriends, and the idea of breast implants has crossed their minds at some point in their lives too.

When I was in secondary school. I was a really late bloomer. I think I mentioned before.. I didn't get my first period until I was almost 16. I was a skinny little runt.

For years, I longed for a miracle... that they would suddenly have a growth spurt. I read up on it, and they say that most girls will grow breasts similar to their mother's size (in the genes). But I guess I wasn't most girls.

There was one boy in sec school, named Leonardo... who would constantly tease me about my boobs ( or lack of them). And when I say tease... I don't mean teasing like flirting. I mean a verbal assault and name calling. Airport runway, flat, I can't remember what else... I blocked most of it out of my brain. To make matters worse, I had a crush on his good friend Alan for like the longest time ever (...anyway, I digress).

Now, Leonardo was an awkward looking boy; tall and skinny, crusty skin ( I think it was eczema) and wasn't all that academically inclined. But did I see that then? No. All I saw was a boy who viewed me as unattractive... even ugly. And it hurt.
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Did I think of myself as unattractive? Despite the fact that I was already in magazines at the time, yes, I felt ugly and would worry that I would always be that way. The way Leonardo saw me.

The sad truth is, those who are not so well endowed are often viewed as being less of a woman or less sexy. Having small breasts is like a disease that one can fix with surgery.

Honestly, if it were as easy as clicking a few buttons on the computer (where I spend a great deal of my time anyway)... I'd get them augmented right this minute.

But breast implants involve a good deal of permanence, money and risk. Not to mention the agonising healing period after surgery (oh yes, I've watched many episodes of Dr.90210, so I consider myself quite an expert in the field of plastic surgery by now... haha).

And it doesn't help that magazine images and the media keep presenting supermodels with augmented breasts as the standard of beauty.
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In fact, I get quite pissed off whenever I read that some anorexic looking model gets pulled out of a fashion show, or a pageant queen gets criticised for being too skinny. They say she's a bad role model for young girls.
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And yet it's perfectly fine to have models and beauty queens with silicone implants? In fact, the ones with the fake breasts land Victoria Secret fashion shows, sports illustrated swimsuit covers and the Crown to the pageant. How's that promoting a healthy body image???
You know in America (and most countries actually), breast implants are so common. Girls get boob jobs for their 18th birthday. What kind of a birthday gift is that? You might as well get her a birthday card that says ‘Happy Birthday, dearest flat-chested Daughter-whom we need to pump with silicon in order to give you the sense that you are attractive! Love, Mom & Dad.”.
With the trend continuing this way... will I just cave in one day, get the implants and say .. "Bloody Hell.. why didn't I just do this sooner?! Me and my self righteous bullshit!"

I might. Possibly when I'm well into my 30s and have breastfed a couple of kids... (i.e. body not that toned, feeling old, breasts no longer pert), I might come to the conclusion then that having bigger breasts could be the very thing that would make me feel better.

But the question remains... what would I be getting implants for? For my own pleasure? Or for the opposite sex? Or am I purely just trying to fit into society? I don't know.
What I do know is that for the longest time, growing up, I worried that sex appeal and big boobs were synonymous. When I had my first real boyfriend in Junior College... I remember we were at my house watching football late one night. Everyone else had gone to bed.

And we were getting cosy when he put my hand on his crotch! I was excited. [Ah... to be young and innocent]. But you know what? I let my own inferiority and insecurity about my body get in the way of what could have been a wonderful growing up experience. No I don't mean sex! I mean the kind of magic you feel when you discover and experience things for the first time.

I remember distinctly... that I pulled my hand away thinking. Oh My God. He's huge! (ok.. I never ever saw his penis, or any other penis at that point in my life...so, HUGE was a pretty unsubstantiated term). And I never went further with him because I thought I would be short changing him.
I avoided intimacy because I felt I was flawed. And that I would disappoint.

Now that I think about it. It was so silly to have thought that way. To think that I wasn't good enough and didn't deserve him. I don't know whatever happened to him, but if I met him now, I would like to ask him what he thought of me then.

Of course, I wouldn't believe him. :)

I used to be convinced that all my boyfriends were stifling complaints about my pert-but-petite breasts. When they told me they adored my small sensitive breasts, they were obviously just being polite.

Only in recent times have I come to realise that the size of my breasts do not determine how attractive I am as a person.

It could well be that some men find women with small breasts unattractive. But the question is: What type of men are these anyway if their affections can be won by a couple more grams of breast on either side?

Hopefully, years down the road, I'll re-read this entry, and I can put my hand on my heart, which is hopefully not buried underneath a mound of silicone, and say I love myself no matter what I look like.

And for any woman to realise that you are beautiful no matter what, the world is yours.

19 comments:

  1. girl with the steaming cup of coffee6:46 am

    Hey Holly. I was the opposite.A real early bloomer, guys used to tease me in pri. school, calling me AMy Yip, Dolly Parton etc. I hated my girls so much i used to wear layers so that they wouldn't bounce around so much (was too young to know about REAL GOOD bras.haha). Hated especially doing shuttle runs, and used to envy my friends with smaller breasts
    But I've come to embrace them, just as you have come to embrace yours. Everyone always goes through lif dissatisfied with their body parts at one point of time in their life. Lord knows I've been dissatified with mine ever so often!
    But it's a good post and I'm sure many readers can identify with the feeling :)

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  2. Celestina9:06 am

    I have often felt inferior since young till even now(!) with my small breasts. Being teased by frens since young was something I grown up with.

    As i aged, i in return teased myself in front of frens over my tiny boobs & often created some gd laughters on it. I can associate myself with Holly esp when i was getting intimate wif guys!! I literally restrained myself when the heat gets up!! Cos i do not wish to expose my flaw!! I knw it was a turn off to te guys when i suddenly pull out. None of them knew why i behave this way : (

    breast implants was often in my mind since young but im often too chicken out on it as I fear getting breast cancer over vanity!

    I've reached te stage to accept myself as who i am cos im no longer young anyway. After all God as created me this way. BUT unfortunately i'm still dead inferior abt them whenever the tot of me getting intimate wif man : (

    Sigh....

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  3. Anonymous10:03 am

    Hmmm... interesting. In my secondary school, the most attractive girl voted by the boys was really skinny and not well endowed either. She just had a very pleasant personality and was liked by everyone. :)
    Me? The exasperation is that I am fleshy but I have flat boobs. Cannot understand why lol. No, I have never thought of a boob job because my main concern would be to become slimmer. But I have never been deterred from attracting suitable boyfriends. I would think that a guy who cannot look beyond my lack of boobs isn't suitable for me even if I have the perfect boobs.
    Still, I cannot blame guys for finding big boobs attractive, as I have my own fetish when it comes to finding guys physically attractive. It is just that my fetish will not be my criteria for choosing my partner and I do expect my partner to be the same.
    Cheers,
    Cyn

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  4. hi girl with steaming cup of coffee!! yes, i've heard a lot abt the woes of being an early bloomer. getting teased in pri sch.

    and how simple everyday things which i take for granted, like running for the bus or wearing a tiny bikini, going braless, can be a problem for girls with big boobs.

    pros n cons for evrything..
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    celetina!!! nooo... dont let it hold you back from intimacy now. I've come to realise... tht not all men are like tht Leonardo from sec sch! in fact most are realistic, practical and do prefer natural small boobs to hard silicone boobs!

    and every woman has a hang up abt something... some may dread getting naked in front of a lover because of flabby thighs or flat butt or scars or wobbly tummy... etc etc. Keep yourself healhty and toned... and I'm sure tht u'd look in good proportion n good shape!

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    Hi cyn...

    yes... i do have my fetishes as well, i like a strong chest with neat hair. and no, most of my past BFs didnt have tht but it didnt matter.:)

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  5. Anonymous1:31 pm

    "It could well be that some men find women with small breasts unattractive. But the question is: What type of men are these anyway if their affections can be won by a couple more grams of breast on either side?"
    __________

    There's a faint whiff of double standards here. And the usual dose of hyperbole.

    Some of your posts say that you find certain things, like age and financial security attractive in men. You also say that you used to ruthlessly size up potential dates for certain things, such as good English.

    But you go on to suggest that all decent men wouldn't eliminate women based on a certain physical characteristic. Isn't that their choice? And why does it make them a bad person - it's just their preference.

    We can all go round in circles, saying that women shouldn't specifically target older men, or that men shouldn't rule-out women with smaller chests.

    But if we make a bad choice, then it's our problem to bear, not for others to pre-emptively say is a bad thing based on their views.

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  6. Anonymous4:18 pm

    Anonymous 1.31pm:

    Every woman (and men too, btw) has the right to ask, "What type of men are these anyway if their affections can be won by ...anything whatever etc...", which just means that she feels better off without these kind of men around her.

    You also have the right to ask "what kind of women are these anyway if their affections can be won by financial security or age or good English etc", which means that you will feel better off if you stop following her blog. :)

    Everyone has their rights to choice, including men who choose to go for only big-boobs women. Holly also has her right to state her criteria in choosing men and share her experience. This is her blog and she is expressing her feelings and choices. She did not say that she determines what is right or wrong in this world or that all decent men must follow what she thinks.

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  7. Anonymous8:59 pm

    Well, having great personality is so much better than a well-endowed body...come 20 yrs' time, we will definitely have our last laugh when we see those sagging big breast women...

    oops, pls pardon me but it's the truth...

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  8. Anonymous9:03 pm

    attaboy on this post babe! i fell out with a close gf once bcs she pointed out that my boobs were too small and that my "bf might not like it", fuelling my already spilling-over insecurities abt my chest bumps. i did not speak to her for 6 mths. than again, i do think that boob size is related to brain size. ya, know, fat blocks blood flow blabla..so i'm happy im flat. plus, it doesnt' hurt when i run -- NN

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  9. Anonymous11:19 pm

    Hey Holly

    Grass is always greener on the other side eh. I have 70E boobs..and I already have sagging issues (i'm only 22 btw).

    i have to wear TWO sports bra. i hunch without even noticing it because it's so tiring to walk / stand straight..so now i have a bad posture.

    meh. good boobs aren't always as great as it seems. i'm super bothered by my sagging boobs right now. sigh. i don't even want to think about how much bigger/saggier they will be when i get pregnant or when i get older. it sucks.

    liz

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  10. Anonymous11:22 pm

    anon 8:59pm

    okay that's kinda hurtful to well-endowed girls. you don't need to laugh at others to make yourself feel better yeah? ;) there are other ways around it.

    liz

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  11. girl with the purple notebook7:21 am

    Well said, Liz

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  12. Anonymous3:11 pm

    Hey I really love this post of yours. I'm just like you I guess. Classmates(the guys) tease me all the time saying that I don't have difficulty during pledge taking coz I'm flat.

    I'm glad that I'm no longer feeling inferior :B

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  13. Dear HJ,

    I was the last girl in secondary two to start wearing a bra. I'm also one of those who bloom late.

    I am never ashamed of myself, my small chest as it's proven it can make the milk my princess require to drink every meal. So be it, big or small, most important thing is: Love yourself.

    PS: my hubby also said(when I asked about my boobs) he like small boobs girls. hahahahhah! Men!

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  14. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  15. Cheers for all the cutie breast! =D

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  16. Anonymous11:29 am

    More then a handfull is a waste.

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  17. Anonymous11:43 am

    go google melissa faith yeo.. she blogged her experience on her boob job.. i think she's quite pretty and was lacking in the boob dept before.. but the pics (after) .. the boobs don't really fit her leh.. look quite off..

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  18. Syikeen2:30 am

    I think every women deserves to have beautiful and firm breasts but if some assistance is required then a natural solution should be used.

    One natural solution is using a breast cream called PEURAFIRM. Instead of going for painful surgery or risky implants or taking products with animal hormones and chemicals why not use PEURAFIRM. It is a 100% natural, safe and effective bust enhancing cream. It is formulated with Hydration Micro Algae (HmA) to rejuvenate, tone and refine skin texture to give women a beautiful cleavage, naturally. One of the most amazing ingredients is Pueraria Mirifica Root extract which assists in enlarging the breast in a natural way. Why would anyone want to take risks when nature already has a solution. PeuraFirm is available in UK through from Ogilvy Consulting, imported from Singapore. They can be contacted on +65 9631 0791 or +601 231 87033

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  19. there is a war in europe between the plastic seurgeons and pueraria mirifica

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