Saturday, April 11, 2009

My Life as I know it

I always knew that I would never be very mainstream.
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But I never knew that my life would turn out like this.
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I cried every single morning on my way to school when I was in Primary one. Never did well in all 6 years of primary school (I am still traumatised by the experience of my teacher flinging my exercise book out of the classroom window!) ... as if being academically less apt than my classmates was not bad enough.. I sucked just as badly in sport, music and art!
My first Graduation (would it have killed me to smile?!)

I was a really late bloomer. I took 5 years to do my 'O' levels, eventually made it to junior college and sailed through my 'A' Levels to go on to university. University was never serious for me... I did my Bachelor of Arts, in Philosophy out of sheer interest, not worrying about future career prospect. I never wanted a career... honestly, I wanted to be a full-time mother and wife.
B.A. Graduation (Pink Sash! yay)

After that I modelled for a year and my (ex)BF talked me into teaching. Such a deviously clever move on his part since he was going overseas for pilot training... [caging me in a conservative (and mostly female) environment].
My PGDE graduation (incidentally also about the time I started having straight across bangs)

I thought it was an ok idea, and expected that it would give me stability and focus in life. So I went on to do my post grad in English & Literature, and then taught those subjects in a secondary school for 3 years.

I am not exaggerating when I say that those 3 years were the worst of my life so far.

I liked working with teenagers, teaching was challenging at times, but overall enjoyable. I hated having to be in school by 7 am, I hated being stuck with managing the St John's Ambulance Brigade corp, hated the hours spent in meetings with agendas that could have easily been sorted out with simple memos and emails, the list goes on... but the rigidity and close-mindedness of the career itself killed it for me.

I felt stifled, and boxed in. Had to watch what I wore, said, did... not just in school but in life. Could not express my opinions freely on my blog (which I had started a year plus into teaching).

Now, I don't want to dwell on it ... but I do think that the mindset of people towards teachers is extremely myopic and has not changed even though everything else in the world has. A teacher is not a slave, and should have the liberty to have a life like anyone else. (Thank God I'm free from that now.)

It's old news, I won't elaborate on that here...Click here to read about that.

So, I knew that once my contract ended, I would leave... I could not live my whole life like that.. it was like I was only living part of my life. Life is too short.. I'm not going to short change myself, no way, not for any amount of money.

So in those 3 years, I saved up a good portion of my income. Enough so I would not have to work for at least one year.

It's been 11 months since I left the service. Possibly the best time I've had for a long long while.

And because I have revenue from my freelance writing and blog, I haven't been digging into my savings. Which is great... because I really don't want to be in a situation where I need to work to survive.... I want to stay in this situation where I work only because I want to (and if I do need to go back to work... it definitely won't be in teaching!).

So that's where I am "career"wise in life.

In terms of love and relationships, in 5 of those 11 months, I was serial dating.
When I resigned from teaching, I had already been single for more than half a year. So being "unemployed" gave me the time and freedom to meet 4 to 5 new dates each week. I even started to mix up names of the people I was dating ( now, that's BAD), I had to keep like a log book (no kidding) so I could keep track of who's who... I know.. it's appalling.
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In my blog, I practically named myself "The Eliminator" ... because most never went beyond the first date... they were just not right for me... a couple of them lasted longer but then got tired of me instead(!).

I was beginning to question whether my plan of attack was such a good idea... maybe I was missing out on Mr right because I was so keen on eliminating men for the slightest flaw...

It was a tiring, sometimes demotivating and very often a directionless process... but I'm so glad that I've been through that because it makes me appreciate who I finally found.

He's the stability and focus in my life. I feel like I'm on track right now... I didn't get it from university, I didn't get it from growing out of my party lifestyle, I definitely didn't get it in my 3 years of teaching... even though I thought I would.

With him in my life, I have a tangible goal, a purpose. I know that one shouldn't make someone else "the" purpose in their lives. But he does give my life "a" purpose. Everything feels right. And I'm happy.
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So many milestones to come... moving into new apartment this Monday ( yes.. finally the house hunting is over), I'll see his parents when we go to England next month, and straight after we'll have a long holiday in Spain (I'll blog from there).... so, a very exciting couple of months coming up.

So that's where I am right now. Living each day the way I feel like it, experiencing something new as often as I can, loving with my whole heart, and knowing that the best is yet to come.

Who would have thought that that short, skinny, quiet and awkward girl with bunny teeth, who was struggling in primary school would end up where I am right now?

In the grand scheme of things... I'd say my life has turned out pretty damn good.

8 comments:

  1. hi holly! to me.. i feel that its wat u went thru in the past that made u u now? dont u agree? thats who u are..n the past the past ya? Be it bad or good, its part of memories...^^

    n teaching for the 3yrs for u holly is just a part in ur life whereby u found out what u really wanted to have to live as to look for? dont u feel so? =) ya i do feel the same as u mentioned.. the so-called "typical" teachers' image? sick n so restricted ya?? i myself hate restrictions too~!

    Nth is wrong being "the eliminator" u called urself la! whose not looking for his/her's mr/mrs right? correct? i bet all are searching for it? i m searching for mine too~ haha! u maybe had missed out ur "Mr right" in the process of elimination back than? but...its all over~ n whats impt is u had found urs already?!!! XD

    haha! Grats on founding ur new home with mark! n wow Spain!! wat a long exciting months that are coming up for u n mark! woo! enjoy! n all the best in being ur full-time mother & wife ya holly! ^^ haha!

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  2. Anonymous4:16 pm

    dunno what the 'S' in the show meant but oh MAN...gimme a break!! it's the most sluttiest & stupidest show i have seen..in like forever!! & to be honest, i really do feel that that's probably what the 'S' meant...truly disappointing effort by the media folks.

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  3. nice autobiography =)

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  4. jessica5:40 pm

    Hi Holly..

    I agree entirely with your sentiments on the teaching career. I am a teacher as well and worse still in an all boys sec school. I feel stifled with the way the management looks at us teachers day to day and their frowns upon us should we ever display any 'unteacherly' signs. The image of a teacher never changes and it is one of a squeaky clean and conformed image, if you know what i mean. I admire your courage to be who you are and be true to yourself. I am inspired and maybe this will give me reason to reconsider my role as a teacher and educator..

    congrats on your love life and this shows that in life we should always never give up and persevere..:)

    take care dear

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  5. Anonymous5:50 pm

    your b/f clever guy - dun wan you to model cos you be around loads of guys - so make you be a teacher - smart lol

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  6. Tasha5:56 pm

    this post makes me go awwww.... haha.

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  7. HEY MS HOLLY!!!!

    lolz... too used to callin u that haha xD

    yea miss ya as a teacher but also thought bein a teacher really stinks when you're like going through school again ... haha... Well at least you're not teaching with the new school principal around... haha....

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  8. Anonymous1:25 am

    holly!
    that's a pretty pic of you during graduation.

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