Friday, December 19, 2008

It's Not The End of The World

Technically, I'm the best person you could ask about how to get over a break up. I've had so many. And I get over people almost faster than the time it will take me to write this article.

Hmm.. you must think- either I'm a very slow writer... or a very cold hearted witch...

I guess by nature, when it comes to love, I am whole-hearted. So when I'm in love, I fall hard and fast, and I am in it 100% (to the dismay of many past partners).... But when it's over, and I know it's over, I fall out of love hard and fast, and I'm out of it, happily moving on 100% (strangely enough... to the dismay of those same partners!).

A while back, I already realised that it wasn't me or him or the way I loved. It was a just a simple matter of compatibility. Anyway, I digress....

So how do I swing from being obsessively in love to a state of absolute un-in-love-ness? My mom calls me the bulldozer... not very flattering for a girl who loves pink and Hello Kitty and long hair and pretty things... I know. But the metaphor could not be more apt to describe me and my approach to love. I make a decision (be it to find a partner or to get over one)... and bulldoze my way through.


Holly Jean's Top 5 Ways to Get Over A Break-Up!


5. Out Of Sight
The very first thing you should do is put away all his stuff (his clothes, pictures, books, etc). If he was an asshole, then just dump his stuff. If he wasn't then, just put it all in a bag and store it out of sight, and you can give it back to him later on in the future. You cannot be friends with him until you are strong again and have gotten over him. So until then, don't look at the stuff.

For stuff that he has given you, I know you'll either feel like you cannot touch or look at them without being sentimental and weak... or you'll want to smash everything with a big mallet. Whatever the case, be sensible and objective. Put everything ina box/bag, and put it away.

You can deal with this when you no longer feel hurt. Trust me, you don't want to be kicking yourself, weeks down the road because you threw away that watch which looked great on you. After a while, material things will cease to have that sentimental value and you will come to see it exactly for what it is.. an object of monetary value and/or practical use.


4. Have One Good Long Cry Alone
Whether it is a quiet sob, or a breath-gasping wail.... Crying is theraputic. I suggest you do this in private, and not make a scene. To me, it's not about needing shoulders to cry on, or eliciting pity from others. I prefer to get it out of my system by having a good cry on my own. This allows you the time and space to relflect on and accept what has happened.
Take all the time you need, but make sure it's a good cry. And when you're all cried out and exhausted, tell yourself "Ok, from now on, no more tears."


3. Start Dating again
But be realistic. It's very likely that he'll just be someone who will occupy your time (rebound guy). But as long as you're honest with him, I don't see anything wrong with it. People need people.
If someone asks you out, go. So what if he's too short, or cannot pronouce his 'R's, etc.... you're not ready to find happily ever after just yet. You've just broken up. You need to get the ex out of your system. Don't over analyse. Have fun.

Dating will also ensure that you keep yourself busy.. so you're less likely to make pathetic phonecalls to the ex, begging him to give the relationship a second chance. It's over. Have some dignity and don't kid yourself.

If you're finding it tough to meet men... then CLICK here for places to meet men. (I met my current BF at Borders)


2. Avoid Acquaintences
Keep your good friends close in this period of getting over an ex. But try to avoid acquiaintences and just blah friends who are really inconsequential.. reason being- they will probably ask you how you're doing, or where your boyfriend is... you really don't need to be reminded of the ex while you're trying to get over him.
When I am getting over a break up, I hate repeating to different people that I've broken up... and then they all will ask in a I-pity-you way , "aww.. why??" And I'll have to dig my fingernails into my thighs to keep from breaking down and crying in public (in front of these inconsequential people).

But once you're over the ex, you will realise it's no problem telling people that you're single and moved on etc, and you'll actually smile and feel your smile as you say it.


1. Better Yourself
What do you do with all that extra time you have ... now that you're single? Take up a new hobby ( rock climbing, dance etc), or go to the gym everyday... find something healthy to obsess over. The worst thing you could do right now is put all your new found free time into unhealthy things like getting drunk or getting fat or being a reclusive slob at home.
Think of improving yourself. You will feel better. You will look better. And what better revenge than for your ex to see that you're getting on even better without him huh! Though, i think by this point, you'll be so pleased with just being you, that you're not bothered what he thinks.

6 comments:

  1. Hmm.. Add in a retail therapy and some indulgences and some yoga meditating and spiritual guidance or maybe go on an adventure!

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  2. Anonymous8:01 pm

    but what if we don't want to get over it?? What if I want a second chance???

    How do I change their mind?@

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  3. Anonymous8:23 pm

    Hey Holly,

    You talk abt being a bulldozer as if it's a bad thing. I am sure if we are all being completely honest then that is what we would like to be as well. I mean, isn't life too short to waste. After all, in the end, if you are meant to be, nothing will stop it. Sheezus, I should take my own advice.

    Toodles.
    Rad

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  4. Anonymous3:16 pm

    I'm a Libra too and I'm exactly like that. I fall hard and fast and it would seem that I would have a pretty hard time when its over, but nope, I guess we are also practical that way. Its over so - its over. Sure we can still some sadness or whatever - but we're largely perfectly fine and move on fast!

    I've been called 'hua xin'/flower heart by friends, I don't think its fair. Just because I can over a guy easily, doesn't mean that I loved him any less when I was still 'in love'.

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  5. ive been looking for a good article to get over a breakup. cos my friend seriously needs to read this. thank god i came across this. good one Holly.

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  6. Fantastic! :) Glad to be of help.

    Also... give him/her a big hug.

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