Tuesday, July 08, 2008

Waiting for the Perfect Man

Will this be Cookie and I ?
waiting for the perfect man
1. Serial Dating
Dating is a dangerous game. And I realise now that I am a Serial Dater. Often times, women, and even men, who are fresh out of a traumatic ending to a relationship, will serial date in order to avoid the pain and anxiety of what they are going through.

If one person didn’t work, a few days later, I found another. This has been going on for the last 8 months, since Skye and I ended our 2 year relationship. Serial dating is an addiction.

I've been flitting from one partner to another, always ending one relationship and moving on, never single for long. But to my defence... The last relationship's (which lasted 2 months) failure was not my fault! I was ready to go the distance with that one, but it's not my fault I uncovered a whole bunch of his lies right??! And Disappearing man.. well.. that's not my fault is it :( ?

2. Parallel dating
I don't just Serial Date... I Parallel Date too! (Somebody Help Me!) This is multiple dating, where you date many partners simultaneously without committing to anyone of them, but that all partners are aware that you are "seeing other people", and you have not had the "talk", which invariably includes the word: "exclusive'.

3. Dating is exhausting
I am not here to make more friends. I am dating for a purpose. And dating is a tiring process. It's like riding a roller coaster of self-doubt, confusion, insecurity, disappointment and heartbreak.

4. Where I stand at the moment
Still in Limbo. I've met some really nice people. Three of them are overseas at the moment and will be back in a week or two. And the rest... well.. the odd SMS here and there, but no subsequent dates lined up. I guess they are busy having other first dates... and are in limbo too. Which means I didn't strike them as someone they'd want to stop for and develop with. I think they're in limbo too. Which is a great thing... I want so much to settle down and have The ONE (I am happiest when I am in stable couplehood)... but I do feel that I'm not ready just yet. Maybe I haven't met The One or maybe I have and I need to explore and figure out who's the one. It's confusing.

Does that make sense?

5. Update on The Mighty Disappearing Man
He replied to my messages thrice... and in each one, he had a friendly tone "Hi.. sorry, was very busy. SMile. Don't worry, we'll talk tomorrow." That sort of message. THREE of them. But the next day... still no call. Man... he's either schizo, has multiple personalities, or is just an asshole.

I guess everyone has their own problems. Even though I liked him very much, it just wasn't meant to be.

Click Here for my post on The Mighty Disappearing Man

So I sent him a very civil email, explaining that I was trying to contact him and that even if he did not want to date me, he could at least let me know. But no reply. I've moved on... I've been on 3 different first dates since... Life goes on...


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10 comments:

  1. Hugs, thanks for your post. Hopefully I won't end up hurting myself by trying to hang out with guys to get over my ex :)

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  2. I am Korean/French, 27, 174cm, good looking, got a master degree in computer science, used to be a saxophone teacher, speak 3 languages, got a lot of money (earned by myself), an apartment (no credit) and a Benz.

    Would you go out with me ;-)

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  3. Are u for real Tem?

    haha..
    Ok let's see now...

    Korean/French - Half half?
    27 - this year? I'm 28 this year, i don't like dating younger

    174cm- I am 1.65 without heels.
    good looking- this is subjective by ...ok...
    master degree in computer science - intelligent geek. very nice

    saxophone teacher- I like jazz.
    speak 3 languages- intelligent
    got a lot of money- what did u do to earn tht?

    an apartment- thts always nice

    Benz- ok... now why do u dangle $ and your benze like a carrot to a horse?

    Do u think I am looking for these things in a partner? yes, i am looking for someone stable. but not someone who measures selfworth based on these things :)

    Would I go out with u, yes. I have so many first dates, cos I'm looking for the ONE. and I dont know who tht might be.

    Will i like you enough for a second date? If you're still showing off your $ and benz... then... no. There are plenty of girls out there looking for those material things, i don't want to have to fend them off you ;)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Indeed, I'm real ;-)
    I described myself that way to see how you would react, lol..
    You have not disappointed me, in a positive way of course.

    Although the facts are true, I'm not the show off kind of guy. Even though, I do like nice cars, good food and good wine.

    I was born in Seoul but raised in France.

    How did I get my money?
    Drug & prostitution of course! ;-)
    Noooo, in fact I created an Internet company with some partners and we sold it last year. Now I could retire, but I'm still 27 (28 this Nov) & I am working on another business challenge ;-)

    Anyway, nice to see that you would give me a chance to meet up with you, Holly.

    I'm working in the country you have visited with your ex-bf, Thailand. There it is very difficult to find a girlfriend who is not so materialistic, and with whom you could have interesting conversations, due to the education gap. But I'm sure I would enjoy being with you and I can guarantee that you would too my dear! ;-)

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  5. hmmm you're in Thailand? And you know my Ex and I holidayed there? Wow.. how long have u been reading my blog???

    But buying a benz in Thailand is a different deal from affording one in Singapore... so.. no deal. :P Kidding!

    get in touch. I don't see anything coming out of this though... I live in a diff c'try my dear.

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  6. Anonymous11:30 pm

    "Now I could retire, but I'm still 27."

    I wonder.. does the massive ego come from the French half of the Korean half?

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  7. olchangkee5:22 am

    It is disappointing to see that Holly would go for the shallowness of someone who introduces themselves by stating the kind of car they drive. He wants to know why he only meets materialistic girls? Tem, if things are going so well, why are you in that dump of a country? He proclaims he has 'No credit'..he meant no credibility.

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  8. Anonymous9:36 am

    Agree with Anonymous and Olchangkee. This guy sounds way too full of himself.

    Many people make successful, prosperous starts to their careers, but (thankfully) most don’t choose to use their possessions and income as a way of getting a first date.

    And the over-confidence present in his final sentence is a good lesson in what not to say.

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  9. :) guys .. give TEM a break... I don't think he really thought anything would come out of this. He just wanted to test my reaction.

    And I for one do not want to go to THailand anyway.
    And OlChangkee.. if you are who I think u are.. u for one should know tht. Fancy you calling it a "dump of a country" when U'd willingly frolick with the local women there huh.

    Anyway, I'm not here to judge.

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  10. I belief everyone is unique, once you get to know them on a deeper personal level. Perhaps that's why many times it ain't an easy decision (nonetheless a good dilemma) to make about who will be the one. In the meantime, do enjoy the game while it lasts, singlehood doesn't come by often!

    :)

    ReplyDelete