Dating: The Male's Point Of View

I have a special treat for you today :)

I have a contribution from a male reader offering insight into the Men's Point Of View in Dating.

Here it is, unedited by me and my girly ideals. [All I did was put in some colours... even with that, I restrained myself]

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In search for some fresh perspectives and ideas, I decided to volunteer and write on Holly's blog - a male's perspective on dating. American, Singaporean, rastafarian - I am sure all men think fairly alike when it comes to dating (ok maybe the Rasta's are a little more callous with their...J/K).

Dating is pretty simple really - men do it for 3 reasons.

- Reason 1 - to get laid. I can't prove this but statistics say that men think about sex quite a few times per minute. Our strong anatomy somehow overrides the overwhelming human emotions and shame when it comes to sex. Now I know that this is a generalization, but by enlarge, most men at some point in their lives will go on the "hunt" - and I don't mean hunt for a wife!

- Reason 2 - to find the one (or multiple if they are parallel daters as Holly would say) consistent partner(s) whose company you can enjoy or in some cases tolerate. More importantly to find someone that you can consistently have sex with - for most men, this is really a bonus because after a while the chase does get to be rather daunting. Having the sure thing beats the alternative, unless you are a popular athlete or a celebrity in which case it comes easy for you.

- Reason 3 - to find the one...and this time I mean the one. The person you want to eventually end up with for the rest of your life.

See the funny thing, most men will date at some point for all the 3 reasons above and they will generally progress with age through these reasons, or perhaps I should call them stages. In college and your early 20's (high school does not count since most men only talk about and fantasize about dating/sex). it's all about Reason #1. We're young, we're at our sexual peak, we're at the exploratory phase and once out of college, we are actually making money and feel invincible! That generally lasts for a few years. However, I will caveat that men generally will revert back to Reason 1 at the first sign of trouble throughout their lives - it's our ultimate remedy. Don't ask me to explain this, it's just how we are wired. Reason one is all about physical qualities - we are attracted to looks and fitness - intelligence optional.

Eventually sometime in the mid to late 20's men move on to Reason 2. We're a little more confident, slightly (just slightly) more mature, more established in our careers and think we understand what we want. While we still think about sex every 10 seconds or so we do start to flirt with notion of eventually getting settled (though not very often). We have a much better idea of what we want and what we like so we seek out more then just the superficial looks and the rockin body. We still consider those a major bonus, but are willing to slightly deviate more from it. Intelligence and frequent conversational skills become slightly higher priorities in terms of qualities we look for from a woman.

Finally, most men inevidently migrate to dating for Reason 3. For Generation X and forward, this is likely in the 30's and beyond. We are far more mature then our Reason 1 and Reason 2 counterparts. Most of us have a general idea of what direction we want to take in our life. While sex is still at the forefront, the desire to make money or have a fullfilling career in whatever it may be is right there. Stability becomes critical. While we still envy our counterparts dating for Reason 1 and occassionally get nostalgic and say..."man, back when I was in my 20s...", we are generally satisfied with where we are and accepting of the fact that what we may lack in stamina (yes men, admit it - it's harder to go multiple times a day as you get older) we make up in confidence. Dating becomes a lot easier and less daunting as we have a better idea of what we do or don't want. At this point in our lives, looks take a backseat because we think about who we want to spend to rest of our lives with - intellects, friendship/companionship, motherly-ness (is that word) become critical qualities we try to seek out. We are more likely to date someone for personality then physical appearences. Having said that, physical attraction still matters, but model like bodies and looks are just bonuses at this point. Now when we meet women we think..."Can I take her home to mom?", "Do I want her to bear my kids?", and "Do I want to grow old with her?"

Ok, so most of what I wrote above was rather simplified and utopian in a way. Most of our lives rarely see the staged transformations I outlined - and of course there are the occassional out-lyers. The sentimental sappy 20 year old that listens to Celine Dion and skips Reason 1 and Reason 2 all together because they are in touch with their emotions (I am going to reserve my comments for them). The rich 40 some bachelor that is in search of a trophy wife. The slimy male (unfortunately there are quite a few of them) that go through the metamorphosis and get married but feel compelled to keep going with Reason 1 frequently - cheaters or assholes - as you may call them. However, the good news is - unlike women, men are easy to understand. They have predictable behaviors that are dictated by the stage of their lives they are in. The trick is finding out what our reason is!

Just as a bonus ending though, here is my list of Top 7 (7 is my lucky number) things women should hold steadfast as rules that apply to most men when it comes to dating and relationships:

Not Holly Jean's
Top 7 Rules for Dating :)

1) Never ask a man questions to answers you don't want to hear.."Do I look fat?", "Do you like my hair?", etc.

2) Never ask a man "Do you love me?" - if he does he will tell you when he feels you need to hear it. Asking is a sign of low self-esteem, which generally does not jive well with us.

3) If you are going to watch sports with a man, either understand the game or stay silent throughout and don't get bothered by the temper flares displayed by your man. Sports brings out the barbaric behavior in us for whatever reason - accept it. Oh, and definitely never make comments like, "I like the opposing team's jersey colors" - that's grounds for an immediate break up!

4) Men are not mind-readers or psychics. If something is bothering you, don't make him guess what is it! Even an email or text hint would do the trick!

5) If you call us on the cell and we don't pick up, calling again in 2 minutes will not make us pick up the phone. It's like the "elevator button syndrome". Pressing the elevator button multiple times ain't going to make the elevator come faster.

6) While fantastic, sex is generally tiring and yet theraputic for men. By that I mean, we generally want to either watch TV or sleep after sex and enjoy the moment in silence. Talking takes away from the calm and peace of post-sex.

7) Early on during dating, try not to tell us what you would want to change about us. It only makes us want to enhance our negative qualities that much more. Men don't do well when they are confined to expectations. Admit it women, you all do this!

Holly's Anonymous Fan
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(Thank you T for your contribution)