Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Why Didn't He Call Me?

In the process of finding a new partner, I have been actively dating and getting to know a few people better. But dating is a tiring process of trial and error.

I was dating one guy I liked a lot, we started bonding and things were going well and then Bam! He's the mighty Disappearing Man.

I know this is a common phenomena that has been plaguing women from all around the world for centuries.

But this is the first time that this has EVER happened to me. I must say... it has been a VERY humbling experience.
I had 4 dates with him within 1o days! So I really thought he was interested in me. He was good looking, quirky, fit, intelligent, and most importantly - nice guy.

They were great dates that were very comfortable, and filled with happy moments, watched Euro league on tv with him, spent hours talking into the wee morning that sort of thing...

So I am appalled that he actually pulled the disappearing man act. I thought boys only did this sort of thing when they were 16 and didn't have the balls to be honest and upfront. But this guy is 30 years old... so can someone explain to me why he would stoop to playing such a cheap trick on a girl like me?
Actually, after our first date, we were supposed to have another one the very next day. I remember feeling so happy! But suddenly, that day he ignored my calls. Ok.. how busy can someone be? All he had to do was pick up the phone to let me know it's cancelled, right?

But he did't call the WHOLE DAY. And the next day, I sent him an SMS just asking him to be considerate enough to reply so I know he's alive and not been in a car accident or something. He replied. He told me he felt pressure, and that's why he tuned out.

Still, after that questionable episode, we had three more good dates. Then he morphed into the Disappearing Man ... AGAIN!

He didn't ring when he promised to. I don't play games; if me making the call is going to make me feel better, I just make the call. So I called him. But he never picked up or returned my call.

I gave it a day, and then I sent him a nasty message about him treating me like dirt. I am stupidly honest, direct and straightforward as hell. Some people appreciate my honesty.. some people don't.

I've dated assholes before... but at least they had it in them to pick up the phone and be honest. In fact... when I was 17, my boyfriend of 5 months or so, actually broke up with me through EMAIL! But at least that is better than nothing... and besides, he was just a teenager then!

Having been through this experience of rejection, the first bit of advice I will give anyone in this predicament is to stop beating yourself up about the whole thing.

He didn't call. It's his loss.

Sometimes in life, a little shit must fly.

Some day... you probably won't even remember his name.

Next!



If like me.. you have a disappearing man who doesn't have enough consideration and guts to just call and tell you that he doesn't want to see you anymore, or explain and offer a reason for his absence... here are a list of reasons you may consider.. for closure. :)



Holly Jean's Top 10 Reasons:
Why He Didn't Call


10. You vaguely mentioned the word "marriage" in casual conversation. Doesn't matter if you've only just known him a week and were not at a point where you were actually considering marrying him! If you mention the word marriage, no matter what the context, slime balls with commitment issues will run for the hills.

9. He thinks you're crazy.
In fact he's probably in the pub right now telling his friends about how he met a really hot chick... but boy was she psycho.

8. It was just sex
He didn’t like you in the first place but he figured he’d get laid. He did and now he’s lost interest.

7. He decided you would be too good for him since he is a bastard
So... you should be thankful he's such a considerate bastard who takes the initiative to disappear from your life.


6. He just remembered that he's married
Or his wife saw your sms in his phone last week and beat him. Hard.

5. You were BAD in bed.
Need I say more?

4. He happened to meet a prettier girl
Be thankful you lost this guy then.. cos there will always be someone prettier and younger and skinnier... that's the way life just is. You got to find someone who wants the real deal.

3. Face it. You are annoying.
You whine. You want cuddles. You want attention.


2. He's playing hard to get
Though if you wait a week and he's still not around... then maybe he doesn't want to be gotten... by you.

1. He died.
Plain, simple and not at all improbable (If there is a God).



------

haha.. I love coming up with my Top 10s, it really makes me laugh. I hope it put a smile on your face too, no matter what your predicament may be.

But truth of the matter is... inside I am still a little sad.

Oh well, one day I will find the guy I really like, who will put in as much effort as I do to make things work. I hope you do too :)


29 comments:

  1. Don't be sad... If there's a chance to, I will really like to say these words out directly in front of you : "IT'S HIS LOSS ok?"

    Remember, it's always "search-and-found" or "found-and-lost", before you will "found-and-remained" in a blissful relationship.

    Someday, you will find sonmeone you appreciates as much as he appreciates you. Ok?

    So, cheer up and please brings back the beautiful smile on your face ok? :)

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  2. Anonymous11:55 am

    Funny la the top 10s. But I'd say "He's just not THAT into you" (title of a book, forgot the author, and I think the author forgot to add "because he's stupid and it's his loss")
    --NN

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  3. Anonymous1:01 pm

    Just a suggestion: I think that you should evaluate your dating methods - I don't think its wise to pin all these expectations on a guy just after a few dates. It is pressurising! It is really his perogative to call, or not. In this case, he genuinely seemed interested, but it seems your incessant pushing for him to call literally pushed him away! Next time, try building up some anticipation - I don't think its a bad thing, or would lead to you "not being your true self", it just means you have self-restraint and that you are sensible. Make the guy wait a little - not only will he have time to miss you, you might miss him more too, and then when he calls you, you know its because he wants to, not because he feels he has to. What do you think?

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  4. I would put my money on #6 and/or #8. #4 improbable. :)

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  5. Anonymous4:27 pm

    He's interested in you, and after that 1st date, he's being quite inconsiderate by not letting you know things were canceled. But seriously, that confrontational SMS that follows is a total no-no. You'll just chase him away. It's not a formal business engagement, so try to take thing easy a bit.

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  6. Thanks anonymous 2 for ur suggestion. Yes, self restraint makes a whole lot of sense. I guess it is ok to feel emotions, but not wise to impulsively act on it. But self restraint in theory for me is a whole lot easier than actual practice! :(

    Anonymous 3 - yeah.. i know i was out of line with the nasty SMS. but it's done.. and now he won't call me anymore!!!!!!!!! shit.

    SK- thank u for your encouraging comments, I can always count on you to make me feel a little better everything I blog about something sad. I appreciate that.

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  7. Darran7:30 pm

    I know my advice would sound redundant and blunt but if there are sparks, good to go, if not there is always next time. So don't be too upset about it.

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  8. Or maybe he met the freaky dog?

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  9. AlienTYC1:14 am

    It just meeting the right person at the right time with the right mood and feelings to treat each other....Seems like 99% impossible but somehow it will happen.... hope it happens to u soon :)

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  10. how can someone do this kind of thing to u!

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  11. yup,
    dating is such a damn thing that most ppl must do

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  12. Come we go dating and eat bak chor mee. :p

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  13. hi there. the top 10 reasons are interesting and cute. haa, u could up with that. ;) nice reading ur blog. perhaps i shld try the lashes serum soonnn~~

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  14. Anonymous4:30 pm

    unlikely, the more you put in the less he will, and vice versa, balance - key to successful relationships

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  15. lol... that was a funny top 10. and, you know what, you're pretty much on the stop with why men really don't call back.

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  16. Hey ---j--- when I sit down and write stuff about men and relationships.. it all seems so clear and insightful.. like I know it all..
    but when i go out there and date them.. I bomb! I push all the wrong buttons.

    haha. oh well..

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  17. Anonymous7:45 pm

    Hey princesshol

    Was link from yours match. to your blog. The Top 10 is very interesting..

    esp:

    no.6 . He just remembered that he's married

    no.1 He died..

    Its really make me laugh.. never expect the answer.. Keep it up the good ones.. UVing

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  18. hey, tis post inspire me to totally forget that jerk! thanks!

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  19. pistola3:13 am

    got to know this blog through the newpaper today, and I gotta say that your blogs provide a pretty good insight of a womens mind and thats pretty good weapons for guys out ;-). I would have loved to help you solve the mystery of mr disappearing, but it seems like you've got all the possible reasons down already. But I can shed some light on the guys point of view...

    One thing I realise in your post, you didnt mention where you met the subject. If he was from your workplace, he would definitely run into him. If he was recommended by a friend, you can get intel from your friend. OR you guys met through a dating service, but I highly doubt so, for a girl like to resort to that(not for the moment anyway ;P). And that just left me with one guess. You got hit on by him on the streets.

    If thats the case, then you might hav been gamed by a player. Look, Mr D is good looking, intelligent, funny and quirky. I can safely assume hes confident and positive as well. These are all traits that are attractive to the opposite sex, without the inclusion of money and social status of course.

    IF, he had indeed picked you up on the streets, what makes you think he cant do the same to rest of the female population in singapore? I personally know guys whos gotten more than 10 numbers from strangers on the streets. You just do the maths, girl. And like you said, you have given him what he wanted in what seemed like afew dates. My theory is that he just wanted a fling/long term fling. Gotten that. But then you 'hinted' marriage and hes decided to take the easy way out.

    I know guys who have even disappeared on their Fuck Buddies when they started to get just alittle insecure and clingy. Yes, you heard me. The girls agreed to be his fuck buddy

    But finally, its only you who can figure out the reason. Since its not us readers who've dated the subject. My theory might be totally irrelavant for all I know. Just like to shed some light on the dark side of 'love', cause I know its frustrating it is.

    And now, if only you can tell me how a girl can go missing on me when the last thing we did was making out in a cab. ;P

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  20. Hi pistola...

    yeah spot on. Met him off the streets... BUT it was me who went up to him. not the other way round.

    I tend to be a hunter rather than the hunted. Just my character I guess.


    But yeah.. i just burried teh case.. too many men out there... cannot dwell :) and miss out on better things!

    (p-s forget the taxi smooch and run girl too okie!)

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  21. Hi pistola...

    yeah spot on. Met him off the streets... BUT it was me who went up to him. not the other way round.

    I tend to be a hunter rather than the hunted. Just my character I guess.


    But yeah.. i just burried teh case.. too many men out there... cannot dwell :) and miss out on better things!

    (p-s forget the taxi smooch and run girl too okie!)

    ReplyDelete
  22. Anonymous8:26 am

    If you don't mind me, let me, as a man, share with you some reasons why man likes to "disappear mysteriously" from you.

    1. He is a guy who becomes "a bit scared", - probably frightened by the "upfronted and hunted" female.

    2. This guy likes to "flirt" but he thinks he finds you are a goody goody one,- too good for him.

    3. This guy probably has another girlfriend - at least it was his choice that he wishes to tackle her. So he tries not to upset her.

    And so he leaves you fast, before it becomes sticky. He probably has no experience on double date.

    He probably the kind who is only after one at the time. So he is not a tricky and slippery person, so to speak.

    Cheers.

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  23. Anonymous10:34 am

    I lol'd at reason number 1.

    (:

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  24. Great blog kid, you write with verve and passion. Thanks

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  25. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  26. Anonymous4:36 pm

    hi holly

    i read this with so much understandings cos im experienced this right now ... hahahaaa irony ... however hard i dun wan it to affect me .. i am still very much sad and pissed off same time. he has been missing almost 2 days, so im putting him in the drawer and let it rot, he dun deserve me :)

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    ReplyDelete
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  29. My best friend had the same thing happen to her. Except it was about a three month relationship and he was a regular disappearing Houdini up until the point where he disappeared altogether! . 6 Months later we find out he was having a (sexual) relationship with his flatmate at the same time. !


    Bottom line : men can be complete ass-wipes. !

    P.s love your blog loved your bad date post that was hilarious.

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