Saturday, August 11, 2007

No Sex Please, We're Married.

Skye and I retired to the bedroom early last night. and we both lay down beside each other, and picked up books which we had just purchased earlier in the week. His was The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari by Robin S.Sharma, and I had The Measure of a Man by Sidney Poitier.

And as we lay there, cozy and close, his familiar scent comforted me in the silence and stillness.... I was well into chapter 3 when it suddenly dawned on me that for the first time ever, we were both actually reading.

Just reading.

We're not married. But it occurred to me, that had it been earlier on in our relationship... if we were lying this close together in bed... reading would be the last thing on our minds!

So it brings me to this question... does marriage eventually mean less sex. ( or No sex!?)

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I brought it up to Skye last night, interrupting our reading momentarily... and he mentioned that it's great that we're at this point of comfort in our relationship.

Yeah... he does not stifle his burps and farts (I still do, occasionally, after all.. I am a Lady), we can get on with whatever we need to in the bathroom without being conscious of each other's presence, I will smell his socks (because he chucks everything around and I'm not sure if they're clean or not), he will wash my underwear, we don't mind morning breath, he'll sometimes eat like a hungry Somalian after a long day of work and he's damn hungry ( I find it amusing and very endearing).... you get the picture??? It's like having another ME. He's someone I don't have to hide things from, be it embarrassing (previously top secret) habits or stupid thoughts. He has mentioned before that there's probably nothing he can do which will disgust me now. And it's true......... ( with the exception of maybe eating shit or something abnormal like that lah).

So .. at this level of comfort, assurance and familiarity.... there's no need to anticipate, there's no need to fantasize or wonder... it's there whenever you want it, however you want it.

Sounds great doesn't it.

But is this lack of Mystery the exact thing that kills the Sexual Tension and Adrenalin in a marriage?

I remember when I was younger... everytime I broke up with a BF, yeah.. I'd cry for a few minutes, but then I'd look forward (with an extremely great deal of relish) to meeting someone new and going through that whole guessing game again... and getting the butterflies in the tummy... the first kiss..... the first fantastic date that ends with me giddy with excitement at the potential and the prospects that lay before me.

Skye's response to that was that if you keep chasing that high.. and keep moving on to a new relationship for a fresh dose of ecstasy, then you'll end up single, forty and with an STD. Bit harsh... but not at all unbelievable.

I remember.... in the post-daniel, pre-ashley times.. when I was single for about 10 months or so between the 2 Bfs... and I was doing my extensive dating of men from every country thingy... I was busy.. I was enjoying the experience... but ever so often I would catch my self in a brief moment of melancholy thinking - I wish I just had someone to hold my hand.

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My Take on this whole situation???
The frequency of sex is not an indication of the quality of a relationship; it is the level of satisfaction you experience with your sexual interaction that is important. If both people in the relationship are happy with the frequency, whether it is high or low, there is no problem.

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