What does the existence of a multi-billion-dollar pornography industry say about you?

Right or Wrong?
I may not be very religious, but I do believe in good and evil and I believe that both of those things are in all people. I believe in honesty , respect and fidelity, fidelity in mind, body and soul. I believe that we all have the free will to resist the things we know aren't moral or fair. We have a choice as to whether or not we hurt people.

I hold that if someone gets sexual gratification out of porn, it is a mental or visual adultery. If I look at someone with lust, I commit adultery in my heart. To me pornography will always be cheating, it is taking the special intimacy away from two people and introducing a third random stranger into the relationship. It is the deceit and dishonesty that it causes that upsets me so much.

What if you catch your husband using porn? (again?!)
If a man still wants to look at various naked females then simply in my opinion, he should not get married. Most women expect (and deserve) exclusivity and that includes sexual exclusivity.

If she gives you the gift of sharing her body yet you find that so meaningless that you're happy to take the same 'gift' from any random woman who was paid to offer it...then in her eyes, what she offers means little to you.

Holly Jean's revenge tip : For women who have husbands who still look at porn.... and insist it is a normal "guy thing". Let's try an experiment.

It's time to get even. Go online and find the most well hung guy of the same race as you and with a body that your husband would be jealous of. POSTER Print this out. BIG! Make a few copies and put them in drawers half open in the house. Let's see how long before he starts calling you a SLUT! The point is if it's good for one it's good for another. If it bothers him then hopefully he's adult enough to see that the porn IS a problem. (This step is merely getting even)

And men, if your wife takes such measures ... take my advice - Get off the porn dude, before those photos become 3D! (I call this Revenge!)

(for more information on getting even and revenge, view my previous post REVENGE IS A DISH BEST SERVED COLD )

Curiosity is very human
At its most basic level, pornography answers natural human curiosity. Adolescent boys want to know what sex is about, and porn certainly demonstrates the mechanics. This phase is transitional, like a rehearsal for the real thing. The problem with pornography begins when, instead of being a temporary stop on the way to full sexual relations, it becomes a full-time place of residence.

Porn vs Real Life
In pornography, unlike in real life, there is no criticism, real or imagined, of male performance. And real sex itself, of course, cannot possibly compare.

Pornography fills voids.

The only thing human beings get nourishment from is reality: real relationships. But Real Relationships are difficult. Intimacy, having a good relationship, loving your wife, loving your children, loving the responsibilities that you have towards them... involves work. In comparison to all that, pornography is a wonderful fantasy in place of reality.

The bottom line
Ok, granted.. you may not agree with everything I have said... you may even think that my perception of porn belongs in the middles ages. But very simply... at the most basic... the bottom line is.....What do you want to say when you get to the end of your life? That you wish you'd spent more time wanking on the Internet?

I hardly think so.


  1. HJ,

    I was just browsing the www and found your blog. It's pretty interesting!

    I tend to agree with you that porn can be an unnatural addiction that can supplant natural behaviour; however like King Canute you are trying to stop a tide of millions. Indeed, it was the porn industry that developed the video industry through the ’80s and the Internet through the ‘90s and ‘00s. This does not mean it is ‘right’ though.

    You seem to infer that porn is bad for couples, so do you condone single men and women using it? What if couples want to use it together?

    I’m also making the presumption that you are referring to moving images and photographs of naked men and women, but you mention ‘mental adultery’. My question to you is what if you use one’s imagination; a fantasy? Many would argue, including many feminists, that one’s imagination is a natural ‘playground’ and even the strangest fantasies can be accommodated. After all, it’s not real life. We can often dream about sex with another, what is your position on this?

    Islamic clerics and even in less fundamentalist quarters some argue that women in a semi naked state of dress, i.e. in bikinis are akin to pornography, as like you say, it generates impure thoughts in the viewer; you seem to be towing this line.

    Is it fair that women dress provocatively around men in relationships? Is it our fault we can have these feelings?

    I do get your point, but can you own someone's sexuality, would you want to? Surely the point of being attracted to someone is keeping their head turned in your direction, but how sustainable is that 24/7?

    If they use porn then it's time to move on surely, life is too short for 'games'?

    I'm also wondering who hurt you so much? They wern't worth it!


  2. Hello James... thank you for taking the time to leave such a comprehensive post. It's good to know I'm not blogging to no one.

    Just to answer a few of your qns- I do not condone single men and women using porn. But it is not as bad as someone in a relationship using porn, behind a partners' back. WHen in a r'ship I just feel that they are no longer responsible for just themselves and their own personal sphere... people need to accept that, otherwise I don't think they should be involved with anyone.

    Dreaming about sex with another- if unintentional (not everyone can control their dreams)... I suppose it's ok. But if it's a conscious effort to lie there and think and create a whole fantasy sex romp, I consider that mental adultery. It was a conscious choice.

    The same as porn... if i view it doesn't mean I have to gouge out my eyes. But if I view it with the intention of sexual gratification... for example, get a hard on and jerk off. Then yes again... mental and semi-physical adultery.

    About your comment on Semi-naked state of dress- .... it is up to the individual how they want to dress. Just like I do not dictate that women/men should or should not star in porn. It is their choice. But I do not appreciate my partner jerking off on porn... just the same as I do not appreciate him having impure thoughts just because someone is in a bikini. To use a poor analogy... just because there is a piece of meat there, doesn't mean he should pounce on it. He is not an animal. After all, I do not deprive him that way, it's not as if my partner is some sex starved young boy who doesn't get affection. I don't accept poor form.

    -- WHO hurt me so much? DUnno. I guess it's a combi of all the shit experiences of my past... I can't just give all the credit to just one Jerk. :)

    BTW- I await your Monogamy post.

  3. HJ,

    I'm sure that you are getting plenty of readers, just that no one is prepared to post - probably too busy downloading porn?

    I get where you are coming from, I think it's great that you demand that from your fella!

    In fact I sure you would have no worries in that dept, if you catch my drift?

    As for the manogomy post, let's just say it's much more complicated than I first thought!!


  4. Anonymous5:30 pm

    babe! did you know..i caught the current one with (or sthg like that) on his website drop-down menu. Out of curiousity, I went and found the ones with 'nigger fucking brunette' (of various varieties) highlighted. I got so pissed and confronted him on the spot. You know what he said?? "Oh it's for my school essay". WTF! :S that was over a year ago, but it was quite traumatising for me.. Nn

  5. Thanks for sharing :) much appreciated! :)

  6. Anonymous7:36 pm

    Hello Holly,

    I came across your myspace site which led me to this. I've read quite a few of your blogs now but this one I find the most interesting.

    I personally feel pornography should be outlawed all around the world. It is sick, SEX should be between people who love each other and have pledged themselves to one another.

    PORN - is a temptation which for the majority of people is too easily accessible and realistically is a fantasy land where sick people take pleasure.

    I have had a catholic upbringing and although some of my friends call me a prude. I am happy in my choices.

    I look forward to reading more posts.

    All the best,


  7. Anonymous8:19 pm

    all my bfs were into porn. i eventually get used to it. can't change them, join them. always ask to watch with him instead.

  8. Anonymous1:47 am


    First of all I would like to say that it's quite typical for a lady to view the meaning of pornography like the way you do, just like most of my females friends. Which also brings to the point that you haven't been analysing objectively. We've been brought up to view things from different perspectives, haven't we?

    To me, I think that pornography is only a tool to get things done. And yes, it's a tool to get a hard on and jerk off. What's so wrong for civilised primate to act as such? Let me put it in this way, what is the guy to do if the lady leaves town for months? We are human, which also means we have our primitive desires. I feel that as long as the fantasy is momentary, and does not reccur during a make out with your partner, it should be just fine. And I must say that watching pornography should never become a habit or obsession, which is quite often an absence of self decipline. Not to forget single individuals, what if he is hideous or due to some reason which makes it almost impossible for him to find a partner? Does it mean that he should be deprived of a self satisfied sexual desire? Even a criminal should not be deprived of this right.

    So much said, I feel that there's no right or wrong for most things in this world. It's only human perception. But everyone has a different set of values and perception, what I want to say is that we should respect everyone's choices, even if we might disagree. We are also in no position to pass a judgement. Back to pornography, the bottom line is it should be a tool used objectively in minimum without residual thoughts.

    Would like to know how you feel about my comments and whether it has change your perspective.


  9. Anonymous6:35 pm

    Hi Jean, I enjoyed watching you on S factor, it was a pity you were eliminated so soon. I just got married 4 months ago and guess what? We hardly have any sex. Only once in the last month. I suspect my husband prefers porn and wanking off in his study. I'd say I am attractive and most guys would want to sleep with me. I get compliments all the time from both sexes. I have sounded it out with the man and he becomes DEFENSIVE giving the following excuses 1. you stopped the pill I don't want you to get pregnant 2. you didn't do a Brazilian 3.both our work have been really stressful 4. you didn't initiate. It would be easy for me to find someone else to get cosy with- a thought I have been playing with for a while now since I am getting sexually frustrated. What do you think is wrong here?


  10. Hi Holly,

    I've never thought that I would be leaving a comment in your blog but I'm emerging from the shadows just to say, what a great post! You've articulated EXACTLY what I think (and unable put into words) about pornography and more.

    While I do not tolerate my partner watching porn (and he doesn't because he respects my wishes, plus I satisfy him), I feel that plenty of women still hold the notion that it is "natural" for men to watch porn, so I am very glad to see that someone else has the same view as mine. I will be introducing your blog and this post in particular to my female friends :)


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