When people are in love, they place a lot of trust in their partners. This trust gives one the sense of security. When faced with the possibility of deception, a lover would more often than not, give their partner the benefit of the doubt. Why? Because it's a lot easier to make yourself float in this safe happy bubble of blind trust than it is to face the possibility of being deceived. (The leap of faith is the leap of a coward, really).
Thus, people are most likely to deceive the person who loves and trusts them the most. And I live by the rule that for every one lie that you do find out about, there are a hundred more that slipped by.
This is the paradox of life. Well, one of many of course.
What have you lied about in your past relationships or even your present one?
I have lied about: (not in any order of regularity or seriousness)
- Reasons why I can't be with him ("I'm busy", "I'm not feeling well"... )
- Secret Contact - lie about time spent with others, accidental encounters (e.g. running into ex), phone calls, e-mails, and text messages with others. Essentially lies about intimate, but non-sexual contact with someone else
- Lies about where I've been/who I've been with
- Lies about liking people who are important to him
- Lies about other people's feelings towards him (e.g. when my friends don't like him)
- Lies about how I spend my money (This comes with flying the I'm-low-maintenance flag.)
(Yes, I'm going to spend quite a bit of time in hell.)
(yes, you are probably going to be there too.)
I implore you to think about your own slate. How clean is it?
Why did I lie? Mostly I think because I was doing something wrong and I knew it. I didn't want to face the consequences of my actions.
And sometimes because I had to. No relationship can withstand 100% truth. Could you handle hearing the whole truth?
Strange thing is... I don't think I can handle the whole truth! But at the same time, it would make me fuming mad if someone lies to me. Which brings me to the point... if you choose to lie, don't get caught. No matter what. Why? Because it just makes you look like the scum of the earth. And it makes the person who is lied to feel lower than scum of the earth (whatever that may be). It brings trust down to the minus regions. And no amount of cover up or excuses will repair it.
Worse of all, it makes it harder for someone to trust you from then on. Trust me (I'm not lying to you cos I have no reason to, really) it's a really scary feeling you know.. to realise that a blatant lie almost slipped by you right under your nose, because you simply chose to trust. And I know (having been a big liar myself), that it is an awful feeling to not be trusted as well. It is damn frustrating. But if you are the one who broke your partner's trust, then it is you who must gain it back. There's no point being angry at a partner for not trusting you, especially when you have proven before that you are not trustworthy. It's all common sense really. Or else it all goes downhill from there. Trust me, I've been there. (It did not end well.)
So, why am I blogging about liars and the-lied-to... when all it does is just make you feel bad about the lies you've told (or are planning to tell) and feel worse thinking about the lies you may have been told?
Well, if you're looking for some closure or a solution to all of this guilt/paranoia/fear that I have created... sorry, you're not going to get it here. (Who do you think I am? Your therapist!?)
But do think about what you lie about. If you're afraid of facing the consequence of your action, then why do it at all?
And don't trust people blindly even though you really want to be in that bubble where you're loved and adored and feel good and there are happy bouncing fluffy bunnies which never stink or poop or bite your fingers . That bubble does not exist outside of your own head. *POP*
it's really nice to see some practical advice like "if you choose to lie, don't get caught", instead of the usual moralistic sermons from self-professed embodiments of moral fibre.
hi holly! not sure what you're up to thesedays, but sure looks like you're pretty erm... 'happy' :) hope you are indeed enjoying life as much as you seem to be in print.
p/s: cute bf!
yes, life is okay these days.
will pass u my number thru email soon. I kinda lost all my friends' numbers with my old phone. bloody samsung.
p/s: Yah, I know! :)
your bubbles picture is very nice.